Category: Relationship

Its a true love story of a girl who had been in crush, that turns to break apart,then love, and finally…haha, the end is in the story.

 

Today, we had our dinner at a restaurant as we were celebrating our 2^nd wedding anniversary. As we reached home, Krish got out of the car, came up to me and opened my door while I stepped out carefully without disturbing my angel Sri who was sleeping so cute in my arms. She is the meaning of my life with Krish. We are still cherishing the happiness of holding her for the first time in our arms before 7 months and this is how he cares for me all these months. I smiled at him while he locked the door and we made our way into the home. I sat on the couch while he took Sri from my arms and walked to our bedroom. I saw the happiness glowing in his eyes while he was seeing his baby girl sleep in his arms. It all seemed like a dream to me that now I am married to the love of my life.

It was when I was just five years old. I had been to my uncle’s house warming ceremony where all our cousins met for the first time and became friends. I was the youngest in the group and so I was rejected for most of the game. Everyone had some crystal like thing, each gleaming in different colors and they were all playing with it. But I had none, and I asked for it to my brother who refused to share it with me. They all left and I was crying alone. Suddenly, there came up a boy, with one such crystal. I knew that he was our relative but nothing else about him. He handed that crystal to me, wiped my tears off and said,” come. Join the game.” I wondered his attitude and felt extremely cheerful as my own brother refused to give that to me and this unknown boy gave his plaything to me. That’s the first time, Krish spoke to me and we became good friends. He entertained me with new stories. I had never seen such a character until then in my life and I really started liking him. After the occasion, while we were about to leave, I saw him one last time with the crystal still in my hand.

Few years passed, I grew and I was ten. But I still remembered that one friend who gave me his plaything in our very first meet.

Someday, I heard someone talking about him in my family that he had completed all the 8 examinations in Hindi just when he was 15 years. I wondered at his talents (haha, yes of course I felt hindi was tough) and I still liked him more. I kept dreaming of seeing him again in my life. For no reason, I just liked him. Some other day, my granny spoke to me about his higher secondary course completion with 92% and she advised me to do well in studies just like him. I engraved this thought in me that he would like me if I too scored well. Meanwhile, I was on my teens and I used to share with my friends that he was the love of my life. Yes, he stole my heart when I was just five-years-old. I used to exclaim to my friends about my Krish , the news about him I hear from my family. The words, ‘MY KRISH’ sounded great to me and he was all that I really knew. I completed my schooling as per my dream with a 95% and I was the happiest not just for my scores but with the thought that my Krish would be impressed.

Days passed and soon, I got the chance of meeting him after 12 years of dreaming while I had been to his home with my family. My eyes started seeking him all through the home and at last found him in his room. He is really grown up, so tall, so gigantic, the KRISH that I had never thought to be so like this, as I had always dreamt of the little ten-year-old crystal boy of mine.

Both of our family were talking while I looked at his iPod. It was the first time I was seeing an iPod and I was staring at it childishly while he handed it to me. As he saw me struggling to handle it, he just scrolled through the screens. He taught me to play the hill climb racing game by holding my hand in his. With that touch, I felt frozen. He was casual but the hormones were rolling at a pace of 150Miles per hour inside my body. I couldn’t handle this anymore so I gave an excuse that I disliked games and left the room.

I got his facebook id before we left his home and we became friends on facebook  and started chatting. I felt extremely happy for I could talk to my loved one daily. He joined a job and I was about to start my college while we were getting closer on fb. We forgot days and nights in our chats and started knowing each other well. But as he was getting busy at work, he reduced his chats. I felt that he was losing interest in me and soon we lost contacts. I did not want to disturb him yet I missed him so much.

Suddenly, I heard his mom talking to my mom about his marriage. The astrologists had suggested that it was duly good to arrange his marriage in an year and hence his parents were seeking a bride for him.

I felt broken because I had two more years of my education left and so I was sure that I would not be his bride. I felt like the earth before me breaking apart. I LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. I decided to change my mind from him as he was not MINE anymore.

In an year, his marriage was not arranged, instead he got his offer for doing his Post Graduation at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, U.S.A and soon he left. I was happy that his marriage was postponed yet I felt bad that he was leaving too far from me. He did not utter any word to me about his leaving the country and I already knew  this will happen since I thought he wasnt interested in me. Years passed, and I got busy with my own job and totally forgot about this love life of me. I had a little ego in my mind that he never tried to contact me and that ego overtook the love inside me.

That day, I reached home from office when my mom fiercely pushed me into the room and spoke to me about my marriage. I wasn’t interested in marriage after losing him and I didn’t respond while my mom dressed me up in a traditional saree and handed me a tray of coffee. She ordered me to hand it to the groom’s family who had come to see me. I felt broken thinking of MY KRISH and I couldnt move further. My mom made me walk while I handed the coffee to uncle, aunt and then I lifted my head to see the guy. It was KRISH.. MY KRISH.. he had turned even more gorgeous and handsome as he had been in U.S for some years. I did not understand what had happened but the thought of seeing my Krish as my groom made my heart flutter. Soon our marriage was arranged and the day came.

Yes, it was the day of our marriage and until then I had not spoken with Krish since that day, as I still had my ego. Yet, I cherished every ritual of our marriage.

It was a complete traditional Brahmin marriage full of meaningful customs and rituals. We joined our hands at last. It took some days for us to get closer after marriage by clearing off all our ego problems. I shared him all the stories of my love from that ‘crystal-day’.

We enjoyed our marriage life and as a symbol of our love, SRI, our pretty daughter was born and today we are celebrating the second anniversary of our marriage. But I smiled with the fact that I was on the 18^th anniversary of my LOVE STORY with my crystal boy. I went to the bedroom and hugged Krish as he was standing there after placing Sri in our bed. He hugged me back, placed my head on his chest and uttered “I LOVE YOU.”

It’s a simple story of love between mother and child. How the form of love changes and how it again comes in the most lovable form? The whole story revolves around this.

 

Story from the Beginning…

I was just 1 second old or even less as per SI units. Maa was dying of pain there and here I was crying in the hands of doctor. Was that the connection I will be carrying out for my whole life? This was the total thought going over my small but incredible thing that’s my mind. When she was crying I was just going through a thought that, Is it necessary for me to see her in so much pain? Or can’t it be that I just move out of this place? But suddenly for a change she saw me crying and she stopped crying and asked doctor to handover me to her. As she took me in her lap, I immediately stopped crying and smiled seeing her smile. Yes, this is the connection we have got in between. I can’t see her cry. She can’t see me cry. How lovely Maa! This is one of the first and best relation I have ever got. Then, my life got usual and I started growing up and I consider my Maa as one of the World’s Best Maa. Thank You Maa. That’s what I can do for her except loving her.

 

Maturity Goes Up…

I was now a matured guy of about 21 years old. I was in final year of engineering and I still care for my Maa. Now, just the difference is word care had taken place of love. That really every person will hate whom he/she loves. But, not my Maa she still loves me. Care was after the word love in my Maa’s Dictionary and she kept me always on first. So, she kept loving me. Thank you Maa for all this.

 

4 November 2008

I love a girl from very first year of engineering but can’t express my love. Today is the day I am going to propose her. It is her birthday too. I think it will be surprise too. I propose her by the choosy and creepy lines. “Nistha, Will you accompany as a life partner to Anikshey life further to lift him up.” I can’t believe she is blushing and crying. O my God, my love wins she has agreed. We get married in a year. And that’s what love mean to me now. Then a little child mind boggles again, where is your first love? Do you even love her a little? But now, little child’s mind for me has died. Now, I am a matured person.

 

O my god, How can I do this?

I was madly in love with Nistha. I really forgot to care for my Maa. Love was a too far word for me. That’s why I am standing outside Fortis Hospital. Maa was in ICU. Her condition was very serious and doctor said that due to depression and tension, she is in coma. I only knew that the cause of depression and tension is me as she loves me more than anything in the world. How can I regret for this now? How can I even forget to just care for her? Love was still a better far word for me. I kept crying for continuously 3 days just sitting on the floor beside ICU.

 

News shocked me…

Doctor said to me that your Maa is out of coma and she is asking for you only. I go inside and regret for the mistake I have done. I keep regretting. She wake up and just say that it’s just me that let you go like this, my anikshey. I can’t say anything. I just keep feeling the warmth of hand that is moving over my head. I get asleep there. Suddenly, I wake up and nurse is saying that doctor is calling for you in his cabin. I go there. What he said just gives me a shock. He said reports received shows that Maa can’t live more than a year and said just to care for her. O my god. I can’t stop my tears now.

 

Divorce…

I was getting a call from Nistha. I was cutting her call. After calling for 14th time, I received her call and said, “Can’t u understand? I may be busy somewhere. It’s all over. You may go now.” I don’t listen a word from her side. Maa is weeping and she said, “Why are you doing so? This is wrong Beta. Say her sorry and be with her.” I keep thinking how she could forgive me so easily. How much she loves me.

 

After 4 months…

Maa is no more. I divorced Nistha. I know it wasn’t her mistake but even for her sake, I do that. I know I can’t love anybody anymore so I give her future back in her hands. Sorry Nistha. I am feeling suicidal. But, no I will not do that I will live for you Maa. I am lonely in the eyes of world. But, my Maa is beneath my heart and that’s enough to live. I am alone but you are my strength.

Now whom I care is my Maa not that girl rare. Love you Maa. Thank you Maa.

A girl’s unsaid thoughts about a riveting stranger.

 

Your eyes. When I saw you for the first time I had never thought that you would dig a path that led right to the centre of my heart. Yet, that is exactly what you did. With your eyes.

You were even more insignificant than a stranger, those days. But you are an adamant one, aren’t you. Slowly and steadily, you paved your way into my being, and there you will remain until my last breath. All this you did through those eyes- by constantly tempting my eyes to join yours in the giddy dance of teenage infatuation.

The enchanting skill with which you enticed me made it obvious that you have played this game and danced this dance several times before. You saw that I was a tough nut to crack. You liked that, didn’t you? Didn’t that only sharpen your determination? You knew that I did not allow myself to be charmed by your advances, no matter how you tempted me. Most others would have given up. But not you.

Your eyes prodded on. Knocking ceaselessly on the door of my heart, determined to wake me up from my blissful slumber. Your perseverance and your patience paid off. I looked at you, even if it was with suspicion. I don’t know how you did it, but you made sure that my gaze rested on you. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, and as time passed I realized I was hooked. You were like my first intoxicating drink. I had a sip and liked it. I had a gulp and I was excited.  I drank some more, but my thirst increased. I drank even more, and before I knew it, I was addicted. To you.

Flirting with the eyes. That’s what we did. I knew nothing about you. I didn’t even know your name. But I knew you well. Even if there were a thousand others, I could pick you out from the crowd.

I knew nothing about you but your eyes were the windows to your soul. Your eyes revealed to me that you were playful, but deep. You were jealous, but kind. You were a hard worker, but you could enjoy yourself while at work.

Your eyes told me that you were captivated by me, just as much I was captivated by you. They also revealed to me that even as you dreamt, you were never blind to reality. You knew, as much as I did, that this could go no further. Perhaps in another dimension, you and I may recognize one another and even resume what we have put on hold. But not in this world. You and I are products of a society that must be obeyed. No, neither you or I, are heroic enough to let go of the people and the world that loved us, and throw it all for the affection of one person. It sounds wonderful, but you and I would never take that step.

You never uttered a word, but your eyes conveyed to me that though there are vibes as magical as electricity when you and I are together, we cannot get what we want. Not this time, atleast. I never uttered a word, but you know that I have agreed to everything you said.

I know that when you went away, it was in accordance to our mutual unspoken agreement. And I respect you for it. But when I go to the place where we used to meet, I sigh. My eyes look for its companions, but the frantic search is always vain.

You may have gone away forever. But the inexplicable feelings you stirred in my soul will remain forever.

It’s a small story about how much she loved rains and how he fell for a girl dancing in rain.

 

I was standing on our terrace, staring at the unnaturally dark sky covered with dark clouds, warning to burst out anytime soon. A cool breeze blew caressing my face. I closed my eyes , fully enjoying it. The wind disturbed a few locks of my hair, which dangled my face gently rubbing against my cheeks. A faint smile crept on my lips as as a few tiny raindrops embraced my face.

There’s such a beauty in the rain. The music of the rain refreshes and revivifies everything. And it’s smell! rain’s smell is an unforgettable feeling. The epitome of Drops smells has a mystic influence on a person’s sensations. It prevails an elusive and fascinating effect upon the body who is really attached to it for delightness. Rain causes a plethora of emotions in its various forms, and probably brings buried memories into our imaginations. Rain has something magical, something special in it.

My hands involuntarily stretched themselves out to feel those little droplets of water on my soft skin. I felt like dancing with puddles around my feet. My fingers trifled the pouring drops and allured my senses into spring awakening. I twirled and spinned blissfully trying to embrace the soft drizzling rain drops. Oh god nothing could be so calm and beautiful, it was a pleasant and serene feeling. I jumped and danced enjoying the moment to the fullest. Rains always has this kind of effect on me. It always brings out the kid in me.

———————–

Confused Well, that’s what I find myself in these days. Confused on what is happening to me? Confused on why is this happening? Confused on how to deal with it? Confused on everything.

Weird? Yes it is

Sometimes it’s just hard to deny certain factors. But, I don’t know what I’m trying to deny. I just can’t put in words what I feel. I don’t know what’s going on in this fist sized muscle of mine.

Everytime I close my eyes all I can is her dancing in rain. Her wet hair hugging her body like a long lost friend, the ice-cold crystal droplets clinging to her frosty skin, her pretty white dress clung to her hourglass figure.

Those coal black orbs shining with happiness, that musical laughter, those peony pink lips forming a beautiful curve, her heavy eyelashes those pink stained cheeks and that cute little button nose everything about her is just so mesmerising.

Shoot

I’m thinking about her again.

Argh……I have gone nuts I need a psychiatrist yes I NEED A PSYCHIATRIST!

I don’t know anything about her not even her name. I barely saw her for two minutes that day but it was enough for me to go mad for her.

I was never fond of rain, the monsoons and the sticky weather during the summer months never pleased me. Wetting my feet in the dirty puddle water was inconceivable to me; paper boats- never! Dancing and playing in the rain-A big No! By now you might have understood I hate rains Well hate might not be the correct word, but still I preferred staying inside but look at me now I’m yet staring at the sky hoping that It will rain and I will see her again.

This is a story about finding true compassion in a bond developed by the universal language of love. 

 

Sun was up at 5 a.m.

The green fields were shining bright, smiling after yesterday’s rain. Sky was partly clouded and the magic of the morning rays spread all over the place.

Monsoon had finally in Bihar.

It was a fresh new day but for Vikas’s family it was going to be just another day of backbreaking work in the fields.

A large proportion of Bihar’s population is poverty stricken and Vikas’s family is one of them. Earning two meals a day for a family of 7 people with 4 children was no less than an uphill battle.

But besides all the constant problems, today was going to be different.

“C’mon! Wake up dear” Mother said, patting Vikas on the back, dragging him out from his dreamland.

“Just a little more. Please!” said the ten year old, hiding back in the blanket.

“No, get up now!

Madam would be here soon. She said she will be here by 9.” Mother insisted.

Vikas glanced at the broken clock hanging by the wall.

It was 6 a.m. now.

He had to get ready fast, Madam would be here soon.

Since the last few years sustaining a family of 7 was becoming tedious.

His father passed away 2 years ago and his mother and grandmother were left with the task of managing four children. As the sisters reached teenage they too started working as housemaids, to contribute in family income.

But the situation ceased to change. Hence the family had to take the decision of sending Vikas to Delhi with Madam, the landlord’s daughter, as domestic help.

This they thought would ease the burden of finances and at least proper meal during the day for him will no longer be an uncertainty, like it was here.

They trusted Madam. They had been working for them for a long time. Safety was not an issue. It was the pain of watching a child go way which was agonizing.

Such is the wrath of abjection, when it eventually starts suffocating one’s most basic freedom, the freedom to be with the people you love.

Time was passing. It was time to pack things up.

“Where is my radio? asked Vikas.

“Why do you need it? Don’t take broken items there.” advised grandma while gulping her medicines.

“It’s not broken. It works!” Vikas exclaimed.

“You packed your things? She will be waiting outside in the car.” mother said while checking the items.

“Yes but where is my radio?” asked Vikas

“Forget it now. Don’t make me nervous.” mother said.

“But…” Vikas tried to explain.

“Shh…” she interrupted “listen now, you are going to be very obedient there .Help Madam in house work and don’t be too sleepy all the time.

Talk nicely. We will be meeting in diwali now. And Delhi is a big city, don’t roam around just like that. Get it? ”

“But…” he tried to say something but stopped as she spoke again.

“and remember always that we will miss you. Always. But we have to do this for our sake. ”

“I hope diwali will come soon.” Vikas answered dispirited.

A car stopped at the gate. Madam opened the window and smiled.

“Ready to go Vikas!” she said.

The smile was pretty but not warm.

“Yes” Vikas said in a desolated voice.

It was going to be a long journey from Bihar to Delhi and he is going to have plenty of time to dream about his new life.

 

PART 2

It was 9 p.m. now. The train arrived at the New Delhi railway station.

Atmosphere was grey with thick monsoon clouds.

Delhi was bathing in July rain as they walked out of the station.

“Cab will be here soon.” Madam said, looking at her phone.

Vikas was familiar with Madam. She was not like a complete stranger to him.

But there was just one thing going on his mind throughout the journey; how will the rest of the Madam’s family be? How will they take his arrival?

The questions seemed useless. He knew the answer.

He looked towards the sky and felt rain drops on his face. It felt like the heart was crying to go back to his family, to his mother, but the burden of poverty just wouldn’t let him.

Delhi seemed all the more chilly and gloomy now.

 

The cab finally arrived. They headed towards his new home.

 

PART 3

It was a 1 hour drive. The car stopped before a gate.

As Vikas came out of the vehicle he was astounded to see the sight before him.

Here he was, standing in Gurgaon, one of the most developed metropolitan areas of the country, a concrete jungle of 20 to 30 storey towers and this place was going to be his home for many years to come.

There was so much he wanted to say, to express his amazement, but who was there to listen.

He kept quite. The jungle seemed more like a jail now, a jail for him woven out of poverty.

He kept looking around.

They entered the elevator of one of the buildings and landed at 12th storey.

1204; the wooden plate hanging by the door read.

Madam pressed the door bell.

“I am back! Had a long journey” she sighed as a man opened the door.

He must be the Sahab, Madam’s husband, Vikas thought looking at the man with a frail smile.

It was a small family of 3 people; mother, father and a 17 year old son. Vikas was a new member now or at least he hoped to be.

“Where is Yash?” said Madam, asking about her son.

“Went for a walk.” Sahab answered from the kitchen.

“This should not be the time for a walk. It’s almost 10.” she shouted going towards the kitchen.

It had been barely 5 minutes since they entered the apartment and Vikas was already feeling choked up.

The tik-tok sound of the clock was resonating in the silence of the room, a silence too aggravating for him.

There he was, sitting on a well furnished sofa, with the kind of comfort he could have hardly imagined and yet the absence of compassion seemed more powerful than anything else right now.

He missed his mother. Waiting till diwali would be too hard.

Door bell disrupted his thoughts.

“Vikas, open the door. It must be Yash” Madam shouted from the kitchen.

“Okay Madam” he said going towards the door.

He opened the gate.

Before he could run a brown Labrador about half his height jumped over him.

He wanted to scream but the animal was licking all over his face.

“Buzo!  No! Get off him.” ordered Madam’s son.

He pulled the dog back, tying him up this time.

Vikas got up, shocked and surprised, rubbing it’s saliva off his face.

“Whenever he meets new people he gets excited, especially with children.” Madam said.

Vikas went closer, patted Buzo on its head, this time being careful about his jump.

The dog was breathing fast with mouth open, wanting to lick his face again.

Buzo raised its paw to shake hands.

Vikas giggled, he held his paw in his hand and started playfully shaking it.

“Hello Buzo” said Vikas, with a broad smile.

Buzo responded with a rising bark.

…and the silence of the room subdued amidst barks and giggles.

A feeling of merry away from the glittering lights and loud music among laughters of little girls and their basking fire on the Christmas night!!!

 

I was happy to get my holidays for Christmas. The dark yet starry night with the crescent moon let my soul to go on a drive. I didn’t intend it to be a long one but I just wanted to go on, listening to my heart. The city was clad in colourful lights and sounds of happiness were heard. I went on, unlike my regular closed window drive, this night compelled me to keep my windows open, feeling the air; the air, that touched the salty cheeks of tears of happiness, that touched the breathe of satisfaction of a father and that touched the sweaty face of the mother, who cooked delicious food for the entire house, I went on, getting swayed by the feelings of the world and the surrounding of mine.

I never knew, my normal drive had been a long drive by now. I stopped near a little boy selling balloons and I bought his entire lot paying some bonus to him for the Christmas day, his smile was making me happy all the time. Another girl came to me with her roses and I bought them but I didn’t know for whom I bought it all! I went to the shop by the road side, bought some chocolates and toffees and put them in my car. I drove, thought of going near the beach, but then seeing the crowd, I changed my way. I wanted to feel the joy of people in silence. I went and went, then the light of basking fire of a home attracted my sight. I remained far behind to observe the people there, when everyone was enjoying the cold winter with their warm clothes they were enjoying their moment in front of that fire. They were laughing and singing and playing with each other. The games showed their celebration. But I noticed that for one thing all of them were fighting with each other though in love. I got curious. I was thinking of going near them when I thought of gifting all the chocolates and balloons to them. I went there to be a part of their lives.

They were initially not accepting my presents as I was a stranger; but then I just said that I want to be a part of you all and bask fire near you.

They agreed to share their privacy with me. I didn’t feel good to disturb their private life but couldn’t rein my anxiety as well.

I just asked them pointing to that piece of paper as to what is in there. The youngest of them told instantly, “Oh; that! That’s a letter from our father.” Her words attracted immediate attention from the entire household, as if they wanted to keep it a secret but as it was open now I thought of raising my curiosity again. That answer increased my curiosity even more and I asked, “A letter to home even today!” Doesn’t he call? And it’s a holiday today. They were all feeling shy to answer my questions. I was just looking at them with all my innocuous looks filled with anxiety. To which, they looked at me and feeling the vibe, the eldest one now answered, “My husband works in the army near border. He doesn’t have good connection there for phone calls. So, he used to write us letters on every occasion. After this continuous firing from Pakistan, it has been difficult to get a leave for him. We used to celebrate with his letters and he mentions about everyone in the letter.” I was listening to her when I realized that my mouth was completely open with astonishment and I couldn’t blink. I offered them all that I had and wished them a “Merry Christmas”. They offered me to have dinner with them but I just said that I have a meeting and I left.

I went back to my car to attend my meeting, meeting with myself. I went to the beach; it was empty by then. Sitting on the sand I just was thinking of time, how it flies and how it takes everything with it. The father must have went there leaving his daughter in early adulthood and when he will be back he will see them young, beautiful young ladies at his home. He attended their birth ceremonies or not and one day he will see them marrying. He will feel the emotions of losing a chance, for he will miss the childhood naughtiness and the adulthood ignorance of his children. He will miss seeing them, he might even see their babies or mightn’t. These people at his family used to see him off and they mightn’t even think of not seeing them. It might happen in the course of time that he will not return as in the humanly body form but just a presence. His body might not even return; nobody knows the harshness of a war.

Time flows and it will always keep on flowing and it will take all the moments along with it. The days will soon be over, they will have their weddings.

But what about the moments that time will take along with it. Uncertainty and destiny play their role in increasing the obsession of the people. The obsession, that leads to the charm of living and offers the curiosity to explore life. We expect for the good to happen and sometimes we don’t even get time to think of the future, we just remain busy in experiencing the present and living it and collecting the moments of our life. But one day, when that proud wife of the shoulder will be alone, after marrying off all her girls, what will she do and think!

Those people, they have nothing as a luxury but wood for the basking of fire and a letter; yet they are happy and they are living their life lively. Life is in the small moments and they understand that. Instead of creating moments they collect them; they don’t attempt to take selfies but they capture the entire story in their heart; for their relation they don’t need a reference to recollect memoirs but it will always be with them in every stance of life. The moon was growing over my head and as if peeping at me straight in my eyes and I then again looked at the waves; the troughs and crests of the waves and thought about the ups and downs in emotions, in relationships and in life!!!

It is not necessary that every lo e story has a great end but the end does not make that love story less great. I still remembered the day I saw him for the first time. He was wearing a white T-shirt with a pair of denims and he looked like no less than a prince. That day I felt that fairy tales do exist and he was the man of my dreams. It was my first day in school and I was a shy enough to talk to him. He sat next to me for the whole day and every day would pass like this only he sat next to me and I stared him like a bimbo but never had courage to stand in front of him to talk to him. Due to my inferiority complexes I would just go mum in front of him.

It took almost half of year’s courage from my part to go to him and say at least HI! Slowly and gradually we became friends, good friends and then best friends. We started spending time together and it felt like a blossomy spring in Autumn season too. When we were together those moments felt like magical and the essence of those moments still remains the same pure and serene.

Finally, on one day I decided to confess my love to him and move a step ahead from this friendship. It was Christmas Eve and I grabbed all pieces of my courage and told him what was there in my heart. I straight away went to him, held his hand tightly and spoke to him my heart out. He was surprised and then came a heart stopping shock from him to me. He told me that he was shifting from the city to other one because of his father’s transfer  and he was going as soon as our final exams finished.

I was shattered and emotionally struck that how could he leave me so soon. I could not think anything except about him.

I could not believe that my love story has ended even before taking a start. I just got to know the feeling of love and now its over. I couldn’t sleep for the whole night and couldn’t talk to him for next few days followed by weeks. But one day I got up and talked to him to be friends as we were, who used to inspire me and that’s what made him more lovable.

Years have passed away neither I contacted him nor he tried to. We never met again but I always wish to him him one day and tell him that how much I loved him and still love him. I want to thank him for making me realize that what true loves is, it inspire me to move forward every day with a strong determination and a big smile. I always wanted to tell him that I would have managed to love him him the same away even if he was away from me.

Hello! I am Suraj. I am an eighteen-years-old boy. Yes my age depicts that I am an adult but my parents say I am not mature enough to be called an adult. Let me introduce my family now. I have a small family. My mother, father and a younger sister (along with me) live in a small house in Greater Noida.

My uncle lives in Kolkata. We are actually Bengali but my father came here in search of job. Thus he got married here & I  am born here. But we go once in a year to my hometown, Kolkata.

It was my cousin’s wedding, my Ram dada’s wedding that was going to take place on 30^th November, 2013. We went there three days before the wedding ceremony. As it was an Indian wedding, various rituals proceeded the wedding of my Dada, It was my eldest cousin’s wedding so the celebration was grand.

The day we reached the destination of the wedding (the hotel in which the wedding was arranged), it was Haldi function of my Dada. He wore a cream coloured kurta pajama, an Indian traditional dress for men as we have Saree for ladies.

Dada was surrounded by so many women including my aunt, grandmother, maa and my sister too. But my eyes stopped at the girl wearing a golden dress. She looked like an angel sent from heaven & I guessed she was somewhat of my age. She was charming, beautiful, and smiling. The Kajal her eyes had, lipstick adorning her lips, the earing that was moving with my every heart beat and the curls of her hair added beauty to her natural glow. I hadn’t seen someone as beautiful as her in my whole life. I wanted to talk to her as soon as possible because I couldn’t wait. After sometime, I saw her going towards the balcony & I followed her.

I said, “Hi.” And the reply was as usual,” Do I know you?” I said to her,” you can know me if you want.” She told that she love knowing only those guys who love & respect women as they deserve it. She told me her name. She was Soumya. Her name depicted how soft her heart was towards everyone. I introduced myself to her & got to know that she was my uncle’s neighbor, some family friend. I was amazed by the way she talked not only to me but everyone else also. She was really sweet, the sweetest person ever on earth I guess.

We talked for long but it seemed like a single moment as we both were enjoying it. I thought why good time passes so easily while bad time doesn’t.

Suddenly her brother called her and she had to leave her. She looked at me as she was going and said goodbye. I waved at her too. Unfortunately, I had to leave before someone could catch me like that. I kept on thinking about her. What was it that was making me smile for no reason? I was wondering to myself. I was feeling out of the world.

Next time we met was the next day. It felt like a very long time until I met her. This time, we went to a nearby market because she was knowing all the places around where she stayed. We now talked of our dreams, our lives and more serious things. There was something we shared more than friendship. I made her laugh, joked around & we shared each other’s phone numbers so as to remain in contact.

On the wedding day, she looked the world’s prettiest girl in a long red dress. That fair complexion looked highly defined in that dress. We couldn’t talk on that day. Just a little smile & I complimented her. She smiled back & blushed. The color of her cheeks matched the color of her dress.

Next day, we were about to leave & the relation that  we shared just remained friendship. I moved away with a deep sorrow in my heart.

It has been two years  since then but that memory flashes in my mind whenever I think of any wedding. We talk daily & now I have realized why I felt special before her. We are in love with each other to which many people call a relationship. We meet once in a week usually weekends since she has shifted in New Delhi  and is now a student of DU. We chat for long hours, tease each other, fights on small issues sometimes and resolve them together but our commitments are strong enough to keep us bonded together.

Love is the bond that brings together two  souls rather than bodies. It’s not the outer beauty that attracts you but the inner beauty what your soul has. Love is caring  without the feeling of being cared by the one you love. Try to find love in every creature made by God if you love him.

A kite flies the farthest when it’s tied, but after all it’s tied and feels bound beyond a point!!! The same is with every human on earth!!!

 

She thought to herself, “It’s enough and now she need to end this. Relationships are not what they intend to do…love should liberate and not hold one back! Love gives you wings and relationships support you when you fall, but it’s you to decide and shape your life and thoughts.” She went ahead, with all her frustration and dejection of life, to the guy she loved.

Looking at her expression of wrath the guy gave her a chair and a juice. She sat, but with more strength in her eyes than ever before, without taking the juice she asked for privacy and then going to a corner, she told him,

“It’s over. There is nothing left and there will nothing ever be. Whatever was there was only a kind of hallucination of time. I should have never expected this to enter into my life and I am damn fed up. I am fed up with it all.

I have realized well that the only one is I, who understands me and nobody else. I am a human being, independent by birth as a citizen but always in fetters as a human. Clad is my heart in fetters and tied I am to the bonds of relationship. Shackled is my freedom and manacled is my desire, I stand as a bird in cage, locked by the worldly rules. I feel like my wings are broken. When I think of the little bird, who flies tearing the sky, I often think of the number of times she must have fallen before rising this time to the sky and I try to feel the feeling of that first flight she took after so many times of failures. Yet I never experience it the way I thought I would.

It’s like the definitions have changed for me. I feel success is something different today. I feel like my whole life went without a little thought of myself in it. I feel like I have been living to conform to others wishes. I walk a lonely road now, the one I only know and I am simply unaware where it goes but I am happy that at least I am walking on it, may be alone but for conformance to myself, it might give me a broken heart but then there is no use having a heart that doesn’t beat for myself but for everybody else possible.

I am a human being and I feel like living in a particular way. I often say, it doesn’t matter who thinks what about me but I am afraid the more I dig into my soul, the more I feel like I am being conscious only because of someone else, only to reconfirm to myself that I am confirming to the world surrounding me.

I know, I have never been myself and even if I say I am being myself, that might be in an attempt to just boost my confidence in myself as a human being or to confirm to my obduracy. I have seen people around and they all might be living the same way as I used to or may be, it might also have happened that some of them are walking on their lonely roads and those roads simply merge…

There may be some who accept you the way you are and wouldn’t ask you to confirm to their ways… I don’t even understand where from these ways come.

I believe they are the ways of those who walk their own lonely road, the empty streets once while the city was busy confirming to someone or the other for the sake of seeking love. Later on, with the passage of time, those streets become crowded as those ways were taken to be the ways of the society. Someone keeps his individuality and then the world tries to pull on to it and make it a way ruining many other’s individuality and the essence of their character altogether. The world goes on but the broken dreams are there, kept, sealed and reserved forever in disguise. They are kept to be brooded on later. Some write letters to God and some seek the divinity in the ocean bed, however, nobody searches their own heart, the only original thing inside themselves. I decide to take my own way and not confirm anymore. It has been a long time or it never just happened before that I was myself.

I cried in my childhood to get attention, I might not be in a mood to cry though, I smiled later on to see other smile at me and cuddle me for that. I did what all others actually demanded, for just a little kiss, or a cuddling or pampering but never did I try to get my own love and never did I get satisfied with my own love for me. I made myself such an unwanted and undignified human being in front of self and I expected dignity and respect from all others outside myself.  Unlike the conventional, I stand as an unconventional soul confirming to myself and my dreams. I stand firm and stern to create my life on my demand and crave for my love. I don’t want to struggle to love someone else but I want to die for myself. On my own self I want to shower the drops of love and care. I know, people outside might think I am being selfish beyond boundaries but today I don’t care and I really don’t care. I have risen above all those thoughts and I want to rise even above these all to my peak. I know I will achieve one day what my heart asks me to, for now I will follow only my heart and nothing else.

We all talk about love with a lot of fantasy, however, why can’t we talk about loving ourselves with so much of fantasy! I wonder, almost often how can someone who is bereaved himself uplift other souls to be enchanted by happiness! It always starts with oneself and then it spreads; just like the drop of ink on a blotting paper. To my amazement people talk of selfless love and I wonder even more; how can this possibly mean! I am selfish, and I accept it to the end and I am happy that I am; I’m happy that I think of myself as well as others. I feel only when I am secure that I can make someone else feel secure. The way, my actions speak louder than my words, the same way my soul reflects me better than my heart and my soul is completely mine. My eyes will seem to deceive if I don’t love myself and try to love someone else.

My eyes speak it all as the eyes of the mute animals and the mute sculpture and the whistling of the leaves of the trees.

I know that my silence expresses my feelings better than my words… I want to be led by fantasy frantically, but for myself, to love myself and to get myself all the pleasure in the world. I want to experience my company before I could experience somebody else’s! so, I need a lot of space and a lot of time for myself and I don’t want any relationship to intervene in that. And I feel this will be injustice for you and I feel sorry to break your heart but I want to shape my heart first. Thank you for the time that we spent.”

To this, he asked struck with awe, “If ever you get tired of searching yourself, I will be here.”

She replied with an amazed smile, “Well, I might, but then also I would like to be with someone who can let me be myself and rather help me explore myself more. Thank you.”

He smiled and said, “Try me once… I will wait, just to see the real you and I bet I will love you even more and forever! You are so different that makes me fall in love with you again and again!”

She was surprised but went ahead with a smiling nod in her quest!!