Love can happen many times with different persons. True love happens many times but with the same person. Adrian, agonised by the breakup he recently initiated, tries to reconcile things with his girlfriend because he too fell in love many times with the same girl.
“There are no perfect couples. Need I say again? No couples are perfect.” Derek tried to put some sense in my head about my break-up with Mellisa.
“But this ain’t about perfection buddy. She felt she was no more compatible with me. It was her choice.” I told him rising angrily from the chair.
“Are you not sorry about this Adrian? After all the good times you guys had together, don’t you think it is immoral to leave her?”
“Will you please shut that bloody words spilling from your mouth Derek! Don’t you dare tell me what is right and wrong and what is moral and immoral.” I blurted out in a fury and regretted immediately. Derek was my best friend. As a child, it was his name I learnt prior to mine. And damn me for using filthy words at him.
As I turned at him with an apologetic look, he was already staring at me with a smile that beautifully hid his hurt. If there was a single person under the sun who’d never judge me, it was Derek.
“So what’s up with that new girl you met on web? Positive?” he asked to lighten the chaotic situation I just created.
“Yup! She is kind of interested in me, and so am I. We have planned to go on a date tomorrow. There must be something that will make me want to cling to her. I’ve got to figure it out.”
“Don’t mess it up this time buddy” he whispered and lit a cigarette as we walked towards the car.
I took a table in the corner. This is one of the restaurants I love to visit when I have none to accompany. It was not the cuisine but the ambience here that captivates me. The restaurant was on the sea shore that wasn’t cluttered with swimmers, walkers, dogs or other signs of life. But today I’m not alone. My new girlfriend Elena promised me for a date.
As I waited for her, a girl with dark brown hair and red lips butted my thoughts as usual.
Yeah, it was Mellisa, my ex-girlfriend. All these days I have warned my mind to reject her thoughts but it never seemed to oblige with me.
Damn her! I’m technically dating another girl, yet in reality Mellisa’s thoughts seem to date me.
Trying to clear off her thoughts, which evidently never bugged off, I patiently waited for my new girlfriend. She was already late by one hour. Her absence raced my thoughts back to Mellisa, in spite of the strong diversions I tried and failed to create.
My first date with Mellisa flashed like a lightening on a stormy night. She was keen on keeping her word. That evening of our first date, I found her sitting serenely at the table waiting for me, while I was as usual late. She wasn’t sitting idle or wasn’t throwing envious looks at the beautiful girls around, but she seemed lost in the book she was reading.
“I’ve been so caught up in the work and lost track of time. Sorry for the delay.” I told her and gave a brief hug.
“Never mind. I’m with my bestie, so didn’t realize your delay” she said waving the book in the air and smiling. Oh gosh! Her smile. It was more beautiful than the pay check I just received. I fell for her smile.
‘What are you reading?’ has introduced me to many of my favorite books and favorite people. I asked her the same and she showed me the book briefing up what the book was about. I was so lost in staring at the seductive way her eyes rolled and the manner she waved her hands that I could hardly hear what she told. By the time she finished, I was clueless of what she told. Thank my stars! She made no discussion on what she just explained.
A loud ring on my phone brought me back from my reverie. It was Elena, my new girlfriend on phone informing that the traffic was heavy and it would take 20 minutes to reach there, Clueless of how to vile away the time, I resumed my thoughts back to Mellisa. This time I did not fight to shun them, because I know I would definitely fail.
My first date with Mel had no elements of romance unlike the romantic dates shown in movies and books.
We talked about the things people tend to avoid when they’re trying to make a good impression: hopes subverted by mistakes, relationships sabotaged by shortcomings. The conversation ranged organically from books and theatre to politics and our personal histories. She seemed to have a clear opinion on everything she spoke. I can’t endorse the idea of ‘Love at first sight’ or ‘Love at first date’. But maybe there are moments when God or fate or some cosmic sense of humor rolls its eyes at two stammering human hearts and says,” Here you go. This is called love!”
Yes, this is called love. I heard my heart whisper, ‘Mel, I love you, I still love you.’ She had such a tremendous influence on me that even her memories are enough to elevate or depress my mood.
Elena rushed in through the door way and walked hurriedly towards me. We hugged each other and reclined back.
“That was a deadly traffic. It took me forever to reach here.” Elena said taking my hand into hers. As she did so I noticed her appearance. Her dark black eyes are larger than Mellisa’s and her smile was prettier than Mellisa’s. As she sat down her short, skimpy dress travelled inches above the knees revealing her skin boldly, just enough to grab the audience. Mellisa never dressed so boldly. Hell, why am I still thinking of her, when my new beautiful girlfriend is right in front. My eyes adored Elena’s beauty, but my heart still strongly considered Mellisa is the beautiful girl in the world. I’m falling in love with Mel again. The bitter fact was that I never ceased loving her, I only ceased admitting it. Yes, Mel was all I want, she was all I love.
Watching my confused expressions Elena became slightly uncomfortable.
“You look dull Adrian?” She asked.
“Agonizingly dull, but don’t worry.”I said.
Sliding her fingers through mine she said, “You can’t be dull when you’re on a date with a girl like me. May be one day you’ll remember how to have fun.”
“May be one day you’ll forget.” I said, releasing my fingers and walked away towards the exit leaving Elena behind.
Turning left into the steepy descending side street, I drove towards my house. I suddenly became aware of how my descent into this road, mirrored that sinking feeling my emotions were heaving with, after the breakup. As I pulled the car into the parking lot it started drizzling. I rushed inside the house with my heart still heavy of Mel’s thoughts. I didn’t care to kick off my shoes and remove my coat. I sat on the couch for hours together without any movement. I got up. I opened the curtains. Turned on the lights. Outside there was a heavy downpour. I thought about her again. It’s never too late to admit one’s mistake. In fact, failure is the essence of success. I thought about it through. Am I lonely or am I in love? The catacomb-like feeling lifted. My brain breathed. I sighed heavily. What was that I want? As if I knew the answer I pulled out the phone and dialed to Derek.
“Hello,” I heard Derek’s sleepy voice.
“I know it’s silly on my part to ask this, Are you asleep?” I asked.
“I was asleep till now. I’m not asleep now. So tell me is it about the date with Elena?”
“It didn’t really go well Derek. And I’m glad about it. You know, my meeting with Elena made me realize what I really want and who I really want. Simply put, I’m pretty sure that I still love Mel and I’m going to her place now.”
“It’s half past 12 in the midnight man. I don’t think it’s ideal to meet her now.”
“I know, but I have no choice. I can’t go even a minute with this heavy heart. I’m going to reconcile things with Mel.
“Don’t be hasty Adrian. She is not that easy to get and don’t forget there’s just no way she’s going to accept less. But give it a try man. It’s worth it.”
It was raining heavily. I came out of the flat and drove towards Mel’s place.
I know right now she might be asleep with a child like calmness on her face which I always loved to stare at. This stormy night reminded me of the best day of my life. The day I gave her the first kiss was when it was raining. I still remember how I had pulled her away from her friends to a more secret space. It was the most wonderful day of my life – standing in front of the girl I loved, and dreaming of spending the rest of my life with her.
I reached her placed. It seemed so familiar. I stood in front of her door. Bringing all the lost courage, I rang the door bell. The door opened almost immediately and there stood my girl who I hurt and abandoned a couple of months ago. That very moment I wanted to have her in my arms and tell how much I missed her. But I fought that urge, as I didn’t want to mess up things again.
We sat in the hall way. So far neither of us spoke a single word. I picked up the courage again.
“Mel…”
“Adrian, if you want to talk about our relationship, I’m sorry, I don’t want to give an ear to that.”
Mel wasn’t typical. She never did anything keeping her self-respect at stake. Yes, I hurt her self-respect. I now regret that.”
“Mel, please try to understand. I owe you an apology for all the bad times you had because of me. I miss you. I don’t like my house. It is vacant without you. Your absence is echoed in every single corner of every single room. I’m not happy anymore. I miss those happy nights where we cuddled each other and slept long peaceful nights. It’s hard for me to manage myself; you apparently know everything about me. In fact, more than I do know about myself. Every single part of me loves you more than I admit.”
“It’s not love Adrian. It’s called need. I was there for you when you needed the most, and you took me for granted. I held your back during failures and you took me for granted. Even though you knew I hated sleeping on my own, many nights you never came home and took me for granted. I’m done with all that stupid stuff. I’m not a stupid to let you break down my walls again.”
“No Mel, you are not stupid. If there is anyone stupid in this room, it’s me. If my stupidity were laser beams, the ground would be scorched.” My voice began cracking and I stared at Mel with moist eyes who was already in sobs. I hate seeing her cry. Even at this stern situation, I can’t help but stare at her captivative eyes. “I never forgot you Mel. You were always in my thoughts. I tried to ignore that gaping hole that tried to threaten to swallow me, whenever your thoughts hit me. I still have your number. Not that I need it, but I’d never forget it.”
I went close to her. Took her hands into mine. She didn’t seem to take back. Holding her face in my arms I told, “Mel, I terribly missed you. Your smiles seem to be in every painting hanging on our walls. I miss, how, in the mornings, your smile caressed my ears, nape of my neck and now I hate to think where the smile has gone.”
“I missed you too Adrian.” She hugged me, which was what I was hungrily craving for. “I’m just hurt by the way you treated me.”
“I promise to never let that happen again sweetheart. I shall never let you feel low and lone. Are you not the best thing ever happened to me? How can I lose you again.” I said these words without releasing the hug.
“Mel, I love you. Do you still love me?”
“I do.” Mel replied with her sweet smile that easily took my breath away.
“Mel, shall I say you something?”
“Yeah”
“If I could sit on the porch with God, the first thing I would do is, thank him for you.”
