Its another new page in my diary. At the end of the day, I have been used to filling up the pages with all the day’s stuffs daily. Today, I have to fill up a lot of things. I am simply confused on what should I write and what to leave… this page is really important, since this is the page all the previous page had been driving me to. I turn back the old diaries, pages, read few, leave few and live few pages back on memory. Some 7 years ago… I go back to that day.
“Wow! that’s really a great car!” I exclaimed at the shiny black innova that stand on the grounds of my school.
“yeah really, that looks wonderful” my friend Blessie exclaimed back.
We stood at the corridor during the lunch hour and was enjoying looking at the new car on ground. It belonged to the Engineer who had come for the extension works of our school building. It was an accidental meet when I and Blessie had been to the Principal’s room for a meeting and there came the Engineer. We saw him for the first time when he was casually receiving 10 Lakh rupees from our principal for the construction works. That was the first time I saw such a bulk amount in my lifetime. I wondered at his profession, his simplicity while handling such huge amounts. He was so casual in his dressing and speech though he was making transactions in lakhs everyday.
I had some kind of attraction towards that Engineer from that day. I started noticing the times he came to school everyday, the clothes he wore, the way he spoke, everything. For I was on my early teens, it was a great feeling towards him. At some point, I felt like I had been in love with him (sounds crazy, right?). Blessie started supporting my craziness for him. One morning, while getting ready to school, I saw one of my dad’s shirts and started imagining my Engineer (note the personification, “MY ENGINEER”) in that shirt. To the shock of my life, he came to school exactly in the same shirt in which I imagined him. I couldn’t believe myself. That’s where everything started. I felt like there is some wavelength or some stupid thing that would join me with him. I started loving him head over heels.
Days were passing and it was only a few months to leave the school. Exams were on, I still used to sigh him when I had been out of exam. After the results, when I had been to school for getting my certificates, I saw him. I knew it was the last time I would see him as I was about to leave. I had no other way of contacting him if I left today. I gathered up some guts to speak to him. I went to him and started stammering , ”You may have seen me over here, well, i.. I am Sherline, and I,..” I did not know what to speak. It was the first time I was talking to a guy, whom I had been crazy over for months. I held up my Blessie’s fingers tightly. Thank God, she was beside me that time.
“how can I help you?” he asked. I went even more speechless as he spoke. I just wanted to convey those million things running in my mind. “I am Blessie, we have completed our schooling here and we are about to leave today. For months, we have seen your efforts on improving our school. Nice works Mr…, Oh Sorry, your Good name please” I wondered how fluently she spoke and felt happy that atleast now we got to know his name.. “I am Raj, from Pondicherry. And Thanks for your compliment. I am happy that students are liking the change I bring to this school.”
I encarved his name on mind. Now I had to speak something. I have to tell him that I love him. “well, Mr. Raj. So I would like to extend my compliments too. And … what should I say.. uh.. so.. if you could listen, understand, I … I had been seeing you all these months. I know much of your activities.. the way you speak with your employees.. the way you dress up, your simplicity.. your driving style.. your style of handling your mobile phone..everything. And I should say, uh.. hmm … to the direct point.. I am crazy over you. Raj, I love you.” I felt relaxed at the stretch I completed my words.
He gave a shocking expression for he had not expected such a word from a school girl. He looked around if anybody noticed what we were speaking.
“sorry, whats your name?”
“Well, Sherline, you have just completed your schooling. You are still a young girl. And to the most important notice, I am married. You actually do not know anything about me. Its just your infatuation about me. I am sorry for I had behaved in some way that had attracted you. You really have many things to see in your life. And I wish you good luck to have a great life partner in future.”
Tears rolled up at the shock of hearing his words that he is married. I couldn’t believe. He looked so young, he could not have got married so soon. I couldn’t believe him. I felt that he lied just to reject me. I started crying out, “Please don’t lie. I really cant imagine life without you. I start everyday of my school only after seeing you as I enter the gate. I leave back home lately just to keep sighing you here and there while im roaming after my classes. Please don’t avoid me.”
He did not know what to do. “im sorry Sherline. Im not avoiding you. Its truth. Im married. See this is my wife. I love her a lot.” He spoke as he showed the photo in his mobile. It contained a photograph of him holding her close to him. He was continuing his advice but I heard nothing. I felt the world in front of me breaking apart. I had been stupidly in love with him before knowing about him.
“Study well. Learn more. Earn more. Trust few people. Be careful with everyone. Have fun with life. The world is big. You will really have a great future. Some day, we will meet again in life and I wish you be having great happiness and achievements in your life before that day.”
With those words, he started moving apart. He went back to his work. I rushed up Blessie to an empty classroom and cried a lot. She tried consoling me. It was about an hour when I became tired of crying and decided to go home. We quit the classroom and for one last time I looked at him and he was guiding his employees in some work. Something (may be that stupid wavelength thing) made him turn and he saw me, I stared at him with those reddened eyes of mine. He expressed some pain in his face and turned away. I quit the school.
It took some days for me to recover. I had taken some decisions for my life. I recollected those words of him. I decided not to trust or fall for anyone in life. I decided to grow up to a higher position in life. I grew up my ego and decided that I should earn more than him. I chose to do the same Civil Engineering for my graduation and I joined up a good college. I learned a lot about the field and completed two good projects before I finished my graduation. I also participated in extra curriculars like Youth Red Cross where I started helping the society in the possible ways.
Recognizing my skills and knowledge, I easily got placed in the PWD from the state government and I completed three great projects in public welfare in a span of two years. I helped in managing the residential wastes and rain water harvesting projects, for waste management and water scarcity had been the issues of the town. I was given the ‘BEST ENGINEER’ award for the success of my projects.
I came back to the present after skimming through so many pages of my diaries. Passing out six diaries, I came to the present. Today, I had been to Pondicherry, for a grand meeting of the engineers. And as he wished me 7 years ago, we met today. Yes , I met Mr. Raj today at the engineers’ meeting. I recognized him easily but it took some time for him to realize me as I had grown up from my teens. He was really happy that I had achieved so much in a short duration. He greeted me on my success and to the truth he was the HAPPIEST than me today for his words had come true.
I simply filled up the new page as ‘DREAM OF YEARS HAS BEEN ACHIEVED. MET Mr.RAJ. HAVE TO GROW MORE IN LIFE.’ And closed my diary.
If all the guys have given right words before rejecting a girl, there would have been many achievers like me. I felt happy for I had not been wrong in my choice for he did not misuse my proposal or hurt me. Rather, he had motivated me in a positive way and today, I stood there achieving my dreams, no, it was his dream. I still have love on him for he is the one who turned me great.
I dozed off with the dreams of achieving more in my life.