you were something before i came, you were your own person, you used to wake up everyday and not have to think about me, you did that, but i have never been someone who woke up without my eyes searching for you, without the relief your voice gave me
its difficult to imagine that you were your person before, so how did you stop? didn’t it hurt? or were you ever given a chance to be your own person? were you always the way you are now?
I don’t know if you could hate anyone or if you ever have hated anyone? you’re the kindest person I know, but i wish you did and i wish you still do hate the people, i think the day i see the rage in your eyes is the day i know you are truly ever happy
i know you have a lot of regrets but you deny having so? how did you grow up to be a person like this? did your younger self even want this? would your younger self despise who you are now? would she despise me?
you’re my mother, but i wish I knew if you wanted to be mine? would you choose me if given an option? I know I would but then somedays i feel I wouldn’t, you’re better than i can ever be though
do you love the way i am? or even like? I think knowing the real answer to that would break me, but i think i want it to break me
does your heart bleed when i say i don’t want to be like you? so giving and so loving, I don’t want to understand people the way you do, i don’t want to regret, but without being the way you are i still am filled with regrets, maybe being like you would be easier, i could have a reason to all my regrets, but also having a reason for everything is so like you isn’t it?