Do you believe in destiny and plans? Do you believe that whatever happens happens for a reason? Let’s begin with a very small yet a very big question.
What is life?
If you know the answer then tell me what is death?
How would you begin describing your life as?
I asked her these questions and she made me wonder even more about her soul. She said,
“Life for me is my family and friends. My love for them and their love for mine. I wonder what would be if even a single one of them vanishes for all our lives are interconnected. If you cut one string, you’ll cut down the whole rope. Life is where I live happily with my friends and family. Without them I was nothing and I would be nothing. I love them and I always will.
Death on the contrary for me is the beginning of another life where I would end up everything by being selfish. I don’t want to be selfish because death means non-existence of every smile that one floated in air. So if death comes to me before I demand it, I would ask first to let my folks know how much I love them and then grasp me to begin again.”
But there I was sitting next to her staring at her closed eyes and listening her thoughts.
It was late at night and all her family members along with her friends were waiting outside the operation theatre. They had been there for a quiet a while. After an hour or so the doctor came outside with a terrible news.
“Sorry! We couldn’t save her”
Everyone was shocked. They didn’t knew how to respond. It felt as if even their lives were at an end. They could hear their heartbeats grow louder.
All of a sudden they thought that darkness were grasping them from every side. This was the first time I saw so many eyes groaning in pain without uttering a single word.
Just when a girl known to all of them came by and handed everyone an envelope.
They opened it with more shock. I could see their hands shivering, I could sense their pain, I could hear their screams in silence but I just watched them sitting by her side.
Dear muma and papa,
I know you must be in shock when you’ll be reading this letter. I love you a lot. I never wanted to do this, what I am thinking of doing now and that is why I thought of sharing my words with all the special people I have met in my life time before ending it. I know it must be so hard reading this.
I am so sorry that I am making you go through hell right now but I couldn’t help it. I am tired of being like this. I am tired of hiding my pain. I am tired of me. It’s nobody’s fault. The fault is mine. I know you love me a lot and trust me you are one of the best parents one would ever get. I am a lucky child. But again muma and papa I don’t understand myself anymore. I have no strength of living up to my own expectations. I am tired of expecting things from others. I am tired of getting broken and yet standing strong hiding each and everything I feel. I am tired of everything around and that is why I want to end it at once. I am sorry I am doing this. Please don’t blame yourself, I know you must be thinking that I would have come to you to share my problems for once. I tried but there are things I couldn’t explain to you. I know I laughed out hard, I was mischievous with everyone around, I studied, I danced and I sang but that was only because I didn’t wanted you to know how much my eyes wept. I am going to miss you all. I apologize for being a coward. I apologize for being scared and taking this decision.
I am so sorry.
I have to do this.
You have always been there in my good times and bad and I know you always tried more than 100% of yours to make me walk the toughest part of my life and you succeeded. You were always the morning sun of my life after the dark night that passed. I know you must be the one right now consoling everyone because you are strong and I know you’ll stand with my family as valiantly as you did with me. I just wanted to tell you that you are my lucky charm and you don’t have to feel bad for my absence. We always lived together in our friendship and always will. I have no justification for this bestie. Maybe I am a fool who has taken such a big decision without even telling you. I am sorry, I tried to communicate with you but you were busy in your own world and I had no intention of ruining your life because of me.
“Because I love you, I couldn’t be selfish with you”, I tried showing you my eyes, you couldn’t read. I asked you to hug me more than once but you took it rather casually. I asked you not to let me weep, but you even got fooled by the fake smile I had kept for everyone else. You believed all my drama and took it for real. This is one thing that I expected from you. I thought you’ll be able to sense my pain even if I am fifty miles away. But what you sense was what people showed you. You believed so much in the drama I had created for others that you forgot to see my heart. I don’t want you to feel bad. I just wanted to tell you truth like I always have so that I would close my eyes with peace that I didn’t kept my words in my heart before leaving. You are my one lucky charm and I am glad I had you in my life. You are one of a kind and I thank you for being there by my side in my good and bad. But this thing I had to fight on my own, maybe this is the only thing I had to fight alone without you beside me, “Expectations”
PS: I want my diary to be in your possession. And you were not just a gem of my life, you were the crown I owned.
Love you loads
Your partner in health and crime
You are that one reason who made me fall in love with myself. Your sweet talk, your stupid texts would just bring a million dollar smile on my face. You made me blush, you made me realize that someone can love me the exact way I love people. I have no complains for you. You always loved me despite my rude behavior, despite my ignorance towards you, despite my telling you that I would never say I love you to anyone, not even you. That is why I am writing this to you, maybe you were not my first love, and maybe I never showed you what I really felt from inside I do love you. You have always treated me like a princess. And holding your hand has always been the best part of our meeting. I know I have hurted you a lot with a full fly over of my expectations because somewhere I wanted you to hate me. I was too scared of your love and I still am. I am not breaking my promise of leaving you, trust me I am not leaving you. I am going to stay alive in your heart. Remember your beat is mine. Thank you for everything.
You need to promise me you would never feel bad because I am not there with you anymore. I want you to promise me to do everything which would bring a smile on your face for that would bring a smile on mine too. I wish you would have known me better than this.
PS: get mature but don’t lose the small kid that you are.
You are one of the best roomie I have ever met. Your innocence, your mischiefs are one of the reason that made me alive for so long. Every time I was upset your naughtiness would just vanish it away. I know I have always ruined your expectations and I can’t give any explanations of it. I didn’t meant to do it, I always hurted you unintentionally. I don’t want you to have any regrets of my life. I want you to live and laugh and stay the same as you are because you are one of the most expensive gem I ever got and I thank god for bringing you in my life.
I know you are so younger than me but I know you’ll understand this thing without getting angry from me. I know you will like you always have been.
You are a beautiful soul and I would always pray that nothing would come in your life to take this beauty away from you. I would always wish the best for you in your life.
And after I leave the room, make sure you get even a better roomie and don’t you ever cry because of me. Because if you do I promise I would come and haunt you in your dreams. And then you won’t have my hand to hold on to.
PS: I totally, completely and insanely love you.
Dear Donald duck,
I know you must be showing right now that you are so strong but deep inside you must be missing me the most. I even don’t know how to begin. I never intentionally avoided you. It just happened, often when we start getting closer to someone else we get away from that one person whom we had been with for such a long time that doesn’t mean I changed, I was fighting with my very own self. At least now you would believe me because I know one would never say their last words false. I know you would still be annoyed at reading this. And would have slapped me right away if I had been there in front of you right now. I know you hide a lot inside you and you are that one person I respect the most.
Please forgive me for everything I ever did. I would always keep you safe in my heart, and in my memories. Thank you for making me realize that you are a real friend of mine and again apologies for how I ruined up things between us. Nobody is to be blamed for all of the mess but me. And again thank you for staying here even when I am not into existence anymore. I am a lucky one to have you people in my life.
Loads and loads of kisses,
Just as I saw everyone read their letters their pain increased even more. They never expected this would happen. They thought it was a nightmare and were waiting for it to break. They loved this girl a lot and she did the same. I wanted to tell them all that she didn’t kill herself. I wanted to tell them she never wanted to leave them like this. I wanted to tell all of them how much she wanted to be there, with them right now, wiping their tears off but I just couldn’t. I was bounded by rules of my own. What was I supposed to do then I just thought for a fraction of seconds.
Yes I found a loop hole, yes I shouted to myself. “miracle do happen even in this world, it had happened before and it can happen again” I threw life back into her, I gave her a second chance because only I knew she didn’t end her life, it wasn’t a suicide, it was another murder planned by someone only she knew and I know she wouldn’t tell anyone about it. I knew she wasn’t so weak to just end everything like that and I knew these letters were not for them, it was for me so that I could save her. She’s far intelligent than any of us. After all that is why she is meant to love and nobody can take this from her.
“I know this would sound surprising but she’s breathing again, your daughter is safe, this is the first time something like this has ever happened. She is out of danger, you can meet her now.” the doctor said.
Everyone’s eyes grew wider with a light that could shine the whole world. This was her, their light. She was their pride but they had taken her for granted and that is why he planned this murder so that they could know what she couldn’t tell them for her words were important to be imprinted, for she couldn’t explain everything directly. For she loved everyone more than herself….