Claustrophobia. She had. Not of places. Not of walls. But of muscles and bones. Especially muscles of bones of female. Rikath sighed. A new day, again. She looked at her after-shower naked reflection. She looked at the extension from her chest. Her bosom.  Why?

 

Is it anybody’s fault or was she defective? Ahmm, what they call now a days, morally unethical? Criminal was she?

Brooding over all this facts. She entered her classroom. More like an automatic, she took the first bench.

 

Students was yet to come and fill up the benches. Our protagonist was alone. First to arrive. For the first time. Following Rikath came the one Rikath fall for. Let’s save it for the climax. This person once was her best buddy but after yester night’s incident, I doubt. Many came in, Rikath as usual, ‘hi, guys, how’s everything!!!’. But unlike other day they cease to show their usual ritualistic greeting to the most loved, talented, known to all, master of whispers, helpful though very much, Rikath.

 

Last come in was by BRDG. Bibaswan Roy Datta Gupta. BRDG is the ellipses to which. Rikath’s best pal. Bibaswan came in and waved to Rikath. Sat beside her. As if oblivious to yester night‘s happening. Teacher came in. attendance roll no. 1, 2, threeeee…..foooowwr..

 

HAPPY B’DAY RIKATH! Finally chotu has become 18!

Nikkon. Only girl with whom Rikath feels comfortable to hang out.

Hey champ, are aaj to kichu meyeder moto porte partis!!!! Said Bibaswan in bangle asking Rikath at least to wear a girly dress that day.

 

Rikath’s father. MD of an America based multinational company. Tried very hard to give her the love of a mother but failed not as father but as a guardian who needed to sustain to his job for the sake of his only reason to live, Rikath and her future. Hence nanny was a sole option. Rikath felt him responsible for her condition.

 

Her father knew this was a special day for Rikath. Her 18^th birthday. So he stepped out. Managed evertything as she would have wanted. No family members. All 18. Booze. DJ. Like she would have loved.

 

Rikath wanted to leave. For she knew somehow, something terrible was going to happen. Likewise incident that happened 18 years ago on her cradle bed. Her mom’s death. This feeling did not stop her from enjoying this moment. Yes! It was her moment. Carefree like Rikath.

Dil ka dimag se jhagra lagaye kaise………… let’s begin the party. Said the DJ. Offo isse dhant ke bhagayun….offoooooo.

 

Bring on the shots. Said Rikath. Her eyes fell on Nikkon. Bibaswan on Rikath. Sooraj dooba hain yarron do ghoont nashe ke maron. Louder. Smoke. Joint. Booze. Hash. Loud music. Rikath only saw faces Nikkon. Rishi. Shuvo. Anirban. Snighdha. Susri. Jaspreet. Bibaswan…..where is she? Why is everything red? Ya. Nikkon, she is coming towards her. No she wasn’t envious but in love.

 

Grabbed Nikkon by hand. Pulled the crowd with Nikkon towards the dais. Rikath went on grabbing Nikkon’s hand looking straight into the eyes of Bibaswan far at the corner of the bar counter. As if explaining him and making Nikkon feel through her hand.

 

18 years ago. I was born following my mother’s death. Today I am reborn. I feel it tomorrow’s a new day. A new start. You may feel I am totally high. No!! I say noo! Because aiii aam c..ll…aaaussstrophobic…hahah. yessh! I am C L A U S T R O P H O B I C…..claustrophobic. No Sameer. Your’ wrong, ‘cause its not correct. I aam phobic not of confiinemeeent baaat oof thhhee soul, being trapped wiiithiin the walls of bones and muscles. Baady of some one eeelsse. Yeesh!

The society is responsible. My life was gooood. Rich sspoilt kid bat nat vary bad, ontil  one day yyyou deeeecided to make giiirls and boiiys sit sepaaarateleeee. Reeeeason. Puberty. P U B E R T Y. untill you managed toooo brainwaassh some of my “ SSSPEECIESS” species.

To avoid boiiys, until you made breasts a social taboo. Vich made thee boiiys un comfortable ‘cause ‘what parents might think’. Until you decided what one shoooould weeeear toooo beee aaaceepteed. Moost importantlee you decided whom to love. Yeesssh dear, Nikkon I am sobbing. Let me sob please.

All was good. Ssudeeenlee ma beest paals flipped covers with a no valid reason. Nikkon, one who used to go one hug and made Bibaswan to massage her thights, would say “behave in front of boys”. Suddenly Bibaswan was just a ‘boy’. Bibaswan’s visit reduced from daily to once in a month. He hanged out with his ‘boy friends’ peeping into phones to watch porns. I was confused, which side did I belong. Isn’t it obvious I belonged to Nikkon’s ‘girl’ group?

But I failed. They dressed up. Talked in hushed tone. Giggled on silly topics. Talked about ‘hot and sexy’ boys. Accessories. Competed whose skirt was the shortest. I was unsure of everything happening. All of sudden my ‘vest’ was replaced by bra, inner and no under wear airy three-quarter got replaced by panty and slacks.

Then? Started hanging out with the ‘boys’. I felt comfortable. I felt connected. Then happened Nikkon. She wasn’t the one, with two sided oily ponies anymore. She was what took my breath away. Making me fall for her. Then realizing I need to be, but I was trapped inside. A body. A body of a girl. Trapped was a heart and soul of a male. Trapped as FE-MALE.

 

Rikath was on her knees, slowing descending throughout her confession without her knowledge. Nikkon shooked off her hands and ran. Left. All guests. Except Bibaswan.

 

Hey what are you thinking, attend the class. Said Bibaswan.

What am I. asked Rikath.

Answering to which Bibaswan started. You are what you are, you are the weapon Krishna used to win the Pandavas their battle against Pitamaha Bheesma, you are the reason Devas are immortal. You are Shrikhandi, you are Mohini, you are the ‘FE-MALE’ the male gives you strength, wisdom your talents, and the female does it all, it creates them and nurtures them, hence making you what you are Rikath, the hereditary Warrior. The FEMALE.

 

 

Irabati.