Storieo

Author: BeyondViolence

  • Image Fallacy…

    We are not the same person as we were yesterday. It sounds scary but it is true. Yes there are a few habits which do not change or may take years to change, but our needs and wants keep changing as we grow in years.

    In time we realize that what gave us joy no more excites us, what made us tick is now become a relic of the old. There is no issue as long as we are aware that we are in a flux, but far often that is seldom the case.

    As a human we have tendency to create and hold on to an image, this image is a result of our experiences with ourselves and with people around us, we hold on to aspects that made us feel good, happy, sad, angry, joyful, jealous etc. Slowly these tendencies start dictating our behavior with ourselves and others because we already have a mental image of the outcome or way someone will react, which is open to change and may not be true anymore.

    It is easy to test this hypothesis, by thinking about a good friend whom you have lost touch with, just listen to the mental chatter you get in your mind while thinking about that person. All of what you hear may have been true for the time when you were connected, but may not be true anymore, but yet we hold on to that same image. This may sound a small e.g. but try applying this to your own self image.

    It is not easy to fall out of this trap, I am still learning and it is an uphill task to challenge the ways of your own mind which seeks refuge in the illusion of that image perhaps because it finds meaning but at the same time it restricts us from growing, giving second chances and be open.  Choose wisely. 

  • Game of Cricket taught me.. 

    No this is not an exercise in acknowledging the virtues of team building, patience, perseverance and countless other stuff that the game has taught me. Infact this is an attempt to realize some of the short comings I as a human being can have and how one can take this learnings to apply to any aspect of Life.

    Let me explain how.. I am 37 years young and I have been fortunate to play cricket in more than 100 different places (this count includes different areas in my birth city of Bombay & elsewhere in India and the world). I realize now more than ever, that to me the game was always more important than the people I played with. I say I realize now because over the last 3.5 years in Canada, I have been part of 2 teams. One comprising players who spoke tamil and the other who spoke only punjabi. 

    The fact that there are teams that consist of players only from one community speaks volumes about how teams are made here in Canada. When I observe myself in this situation, I realize I became a part of the teams because I had a single minded pursuit to be able to play the game. So I played for the first team I found in Toronto and Calgary respectively. I respect the teams and its players to accommodate me in their teams which was a result of not only my performance in playoffs but also my apolitical attitude, my clarity on playing the game even when I did not understand the language my team mates chose to speak amongst themselves on and off the field.

    I understand that one would think what did this teach me that I am on rant about my cricketing experience in Canada. Well, I realized when you love something and are clear about your intentions, everything around it just background noise. There can never be a hurdle in letting you do what you really love to.

    This is true for everything in life which requires us to be trustworthy and vulnerable otherwise there is a tendency for self-doubt and self-sabotaging behavior. I sincerely hope me and people like me realize that there are sometimes parts of us which stop us from our own growth because of Fear. Lets operate from the place of Love instead of Fear. My love for the game did not allow the fear of not blending in, weigh on me. I just did what I did best, Keep Playing.

     

  • Death AND Relationships

    Death is not just a permanent passing or non existence of a person. We die every day and every moment. We die every time a relation ceases to exist or a relation has undergone paramount changes.

    Every time when we connect with someone deeply, it isn’t that we like the other person or love the other person, what we like or love is how we feel about ourselves in that person’s company.

    Every time one looses a person he/she connects to, one looses that little feeling about themselves while that person was around. More often we don’t miss the person, what we actually miss is ourselves.

    Everything and everyone around us is just a catalyst to how we think and feel about ourselves. We die every moment and there is nothing to be sad about it and may be life’s beauty is in its impermanence.

  • Being Inspired by the Ordinary..

    For Far too long we have looked for Motivation, Courage, Inspiration from successful people, be it in the field of Business, Sports, Science etc. We look up to those few individuals who have made name, fortune and reached a pinnacle in their respective fields. I don’t intend to take anything away from their achievements and glory, But intent to convey that there is so much to learn, be inspired and motivated by the ordinary, which in itself is extraordinary.

    Today I am going to mention about one such person whom I met 3 years back as a housemate in Toronto, Canada. His name is Murat (name changed), originally from Turkey. He had been living in Canada since 3 years when our path crossed. He knew very little English, as a result of which he always struggled to get constant work. Every now and then he would secure a temporary labor job which was a major source of living for many immigrants moving to this part of the world.

    The thing that fascinated me most about this man was his joyful state of being despite living in uncertainty of his visa status and the need to constantly renew work permits to stay in the Country. He was doing very well back home in Turkey, but moved to Canada because of the political uncertainty surrounding the minority population i.e. the Kurds. He once admitted to me that he didn’t like it much in Canada but chose to stay for his Family especially his 4 daughters who he thought would get better Education in Canadian public schools.

    It was difficult for me to fathom then, how he chose to stay away from his family in a country where he doesn’t know the language, makes you feel lonely and is harsh in terms of financial stability if you have not been educated or worked here. Despite all the pain and hurt he secretly endured, Murat always had a smile on his face and have hearty conversation. I still remember some things he tried to convey in little English he knew “Aashish, you good man, Canada weather No good and Can (Canned) food garbage” Literally makes me smile again while writing. 

    People like Murat don’t have a label to speak of or bank balance to prove their success, but to me he still is an inspiration to learn from and also from all people like him who are giving their best despite no tangible and visible measures to account for their efforts and sacrifices. My Gratitude to all, Thank you.

  • Its been a while…

    I wrote my last and only story about 2 years back in 2019. That is when I actually decided to share my thoughts. Ironically after writing the story and publishing it I vanished, never to return to the web to check until today. Perhaps because I feared being judged, vulnerable and rejected. This may sound like feeling too much for writing a small story but the underlying fear stems from a bigger issue that I personally face in relationships specially the intimate ones. This does not mean that I don’t have other fears but I have observed and found that I am much more sorted in handling anything else for e.g. moving to a new country and starting from zero specially after living in a protective Indian household for major part of my life so far. Not that I do not value it but I think there is more needed for personal growth 

    Having said that, I am here to turn a new leaf and continue to write what i think, be what i am and want to be and be ok to be judged, criticized, vulnerable and loved, perhaps this will be small drop which will create a big ocean of change in me with respect to my anxiousness. Following is an excerpt of what I wrote some time back

    Being Strong and Having Strength emotionally, I feel are some of the most overrated or misinterpreted words in recent times. In its continuous obsession in becoming emotionally strong and to wither any pain, Mankind is forgetting what it is to actually feel.

    People associate being strong is to be unaffected by events, circumstances, pain, unhappiness etc. Unaffected never meant to stop oneself from feeling. It actually implied that one should feel all the emotions to the fullest, absorb the worst and bounce right back or face it all with some calm , But slowly and steadily by creating an artificial fence people including me have had tendency no to feel anything at all or may be it is an identified form of suppression.  

    I believe being strong means to feel every emotion to its depth and living it to the fullest. I am reminded of a phrase one of my friend would keep repeating in her stories on counselling “Har ek emotion zaroori hota hai” (meaning : All emotions are important).

  • Living it NOW!!!

    I had a diary gifted to me by someone. The cover of which said  “Never Look Back” and a picture of an empty road surrounded by lush greenery either side. I have had a habit of writing whenever I feel like and it doesn’t necessarily have to be in a special book meant for writing. It always was with something that I have experienced and learned from or observed about.

    But with this one dairy, I was  showing a tendency for waiting for the right moment, probably waiting for something amazing to happen to me so that I could convince myself for a grand opening ceremony for the book. Little did I realize that the word amazing in this context is myopic because it is driven by an implied expectations or desire, while forgetting the great things happening at this very moment.

    For far too long, we have been blindsided into believing that something awesome, amazing, beautiful is right at the corner of the near future, while actually it is right here in this moment. Having this epiphany at that moment made me realize life can only be LIVED now, neither in the past nor in the future. All these moments in life do not really have to be rewarding, happy, awesome, amazing  since “you only need the light when its burning low, only miss the sun when starts to snow” as summarized by Mike Passenger.