I wrote my last and only story about 2 years back in 2019. That is when I actually decided to share my thoughts. Ironically after writing the story and publishing it I vanished, never to return to the web to check until today. Perhaps because I feared being judged, vulnerable and rejected. This may sound like feeling too much for writing a small story but the underlying fear stems from a bigger issue that I personally face in relationships specially the intimate ones. This does not mean that I don’t have other fears but I have observed and found that I am much more sorted in handling anything else for e.g. moving to a new country and starting from zero specially after living in a protective Indian household for major part of my life so far. Not that I do not value it but I think there is more needed for personal growth
Having said that, I am here to turn a new leaf and continue to write what i think, be what i am and want to be and be ok to be judged, criticized, vulnerable and loved, perhaps this will be small drop which will create a big ocean of change in me with respect to my anxiousness. Following is an excerpt of what I wrote some time back
Being Strong and Having Strength emotionally, I feel are some of the most overrated or misinterpreted words in recent times. In its continuous obsession in becoming emotionally strong and to wither any pain, Mankind is forgetting what it is to actually feel.
People associate being strong is to be unaffected by events, circumstances, pain, unhappiness etc. Unaffected never meant to stop oneself from feeling. It actually implied that one should feel all the emotions to the fullest, absorb the worst and bounce right back or face it all with some calm , But slowly and steadily by creating an artificial fence people including me have had tendency no to feel anything at all or may be it is an identified form of suppression.
I believe being strong means to feel every emotion to its depth and living it to the fullest. I am reminded of a phrase one of my friend would keep repeating in her stories on counselling “Har ek emotion zaroori hota hai” (meaning : All emotions are important).