Storieo

Tag: Relation

  • Losing her

    Losing her

    I remember the small cute stickers of different animals and smileys she had given me when we were in the seventh grade. I found them in my wallet a few minutes ago. My table was in a mess. It was overflowing with garbage. My room stinked like anything. I was clearing my wallet and getting rid of all the chits I bad stored in it. I emptied it on my bed and that was when I found those stickers. I couldn't get away with them. They were still so new. The glue on those stickers was so strong that it felt like it had glued our hearts together for our whole lives.

     

    She had the most beautiful legs one could ever have. They gave her a sense of confidence. She was Mary. I used to know her since my first grade. She always used to take part in all sorts of races at school.

     

    Two days ago she had called. Almost centuries had passed in those two days. I was a busy bee. I had so many meetings to attend and projects to work on. It was a pretty tough corporate life. I hated it but I had no way of getting out of it. Mary often used to call from unknown numbers all the time. But she definitely found some way of contacting me. And that was what pinched me everytime she talked to me.I felt chills down my spine when she said something to me that day on the phone. Never did I feel so guilty about anything. I was  gulping down my throat the horrible guava flavoured Tropicana juice which tasted like some medicine, when I had got her call.

     

    "Hi Nisha!  How are you? I prayed for you today! It is Christmas today. Merry Christmas Nisha! You told me the last time we talked about aunt. I prayed for her too. She will be fine. Don't worry! I miss you Nisha! So, how was your day today? Come on, speak up!"

     

    I was listening to her voice with a lot of solemnity and carefulness. I didn't feel like speaking or replying. She stopped talking on the phone and suddenly asked.

     

    "Hello! Are you there on the line? Hello!"

     

    I kept mum for fifteen minutes like a dumb frog. She didn't deserve to listen to my voice. My voice would have been too shrill for her ears. She deserved someone better. I was not a good friend of hers. I never got in touch with her. I never called her. I soon heard continuous beeps on the phone. Mary had cut the phone. I put my phone on the flight mode. I didn't want her to call me again. I was feeling nauseated. I never hoped to find a soul with a pure heart as she had got. The reality was pulling me into a deep pit.

     

    She was a real friend. A true friend. I loved her.

     

    It was months ago when I had got a call from her. I was in a mood of pampering her. I asked random questions.

    "What are your dreams Mary? Be open about it.I would not tell your sisters living there."

     

    Mary lived in the Jeevan Jyoti home, Nizamuddin. It was a Mother Teressa missionary where many disabled children and orphans were taken care of by nuns and sisters. They were usually strict with the children as Mary had told me about them during our schooldays. She was always afraid of them. They used to keep record of what each person was doing in their dormitories.

     

    Mary replied to me on the phone with a lot of enthusiasm.

     

    "I want to travel to new places. I want to buy a deodorant for myself. I love the fresh fragrance of the deodorant. And I want to teach as many people as I can."

     

    She chuckled and giggled. I got lost into a dream for a while.I just wondered that what would it have been like if her parents were with her today? Her dreams would have been fulfilled and she would not have felt lonely. I always thought that she used to call me when she was lonely. I was often  sceptical about her being so nice to me.

     

    In our sixth grade, we had a trip to some botanical garden. We were too small to understand the importance of it. We only thought of it as a picnic spot with so many colourful flowers, green grass and endless number of farms of cauliflower, gourd, tomatoes and potatoes. It felt like we were in heaven.

    Ashima was helping out Mary to get out of the bus. Her face was red and I could clearly make out that she was angry of not being able to enjoy with others. Her face was enough to express the burden she felt. Ashima was tired of accompanying Mary. Ashima was my close friend but she disliked my company with Mary. We always used to fight over this issue every now and then.

     

    Mary was affected by Polio. Her legs had got paralysed when she was young. I felt maybe that is why her parents abandoned her. I never asked her. Once when I had asked her about her surname she had got very upset about it. So, I preferred to just make her feel happyand not lonely whenever she was with me. Due to the paralysis, she couldn't walk. She used a stick to walk and the leg calipers she wore had to be tightened every few hours.

    She was slow. But her heart always used to beat the fastest for her friends.

     

    Ashima left her and ran to my other classmates who were busy taking pictures. I was with Mary. I was kneeling down and tightening her leg calipers. She stood idle at a place and was looking at our other classmates.

    Ashima was far away from us. She was so happy with the others. She shouted something that I still remember. She was heartless. Her voice was still echoing in my brain.

     

    "I would obviously not want a picture with you, Mary. I mean just look at you. You are a vegetable."

     

    Mary smiled. She knew that she was worthless and always a nuisance for others. She never cried. She had no self esteem. She looked at me with teary eyes that day. I just didn't want her to cry. She croaked.

     

    "Nisha! If I am disturbing you. You can go. I don't want to be a problem for anybody."

    " Are you mad? Why do you think like that? I would never leave you alone. Come with me. We will go to that mini hill there. "

     

    Yasmeen had cone with me. She also wanted to go with us to that mini hill.  That day at the botanical garden, I accompanied Mary. We found the grassy slope  which was a mini hill for us, near the cauliflower farm. Yasmeen and I had gone mad. I made Mary sit beside. She watched us running down the slope like small kids.

    We were rolling down the slope like pebbles. It felt heavenly. We then ran back to the top of the slope and again rolled down.

     

    " Can I also join you people? "

     

    Mary asked hesitantly. She was afraid. She never had an adventure. This time she wanted to have one.

     

    "Why not? Come and join us."

     

    We helped her with her leg calipers. We removed them. And we three were rolling down the slope continuously. The laughter and the madness we had experienced that day was infinite. My class teacher had punished me for moving away from the class gang. The next day I was made to stand on the bench for the whole day. But I didn't feel ashamed. I stood there on the bench and looked at Mary smile at me in the class. I knew that she was happy. A whole day of standing on the bench didn't matter after all. Seema ma'am didn't understand that Mary needed to have fun with us. And that was what I had given her that day. A sense of belonging and comfort. Those were the school days with her.

     

    I was feeling ashamed now.I had forgotten her in my busy life. I never used to call her. She always used to call me. I called her two weeks later. I wanted to talk to her. Flight modes just meant running away from her. I didn't want that to happen. It was the twenty sixth May when I had called her. I was standing outside her home: Jeevan Jyoti home. I was not busy that day. I had got a deodorant for her. The Exuberance. It was my favourite one. I talked to the nun who was sitting inside.

     

    "Can I meet her? Her name is Mary."

    "Oh! She is in the Safdarjung hospital now. She has been diagnosed with leukaemia. May I know your name please? We can arrange a cab for you to reach her."

     

    My eardrums were bleeding. I didn't want to hear anything else. The sisters at the orphanage took me to her at the hospital. Ward number 343. I was feeling numb.

    I reached her bed. I saw her lying on the bed. She saw me and her eyes gleamed with happiness. Her hair had grown long till her hips. She had grown thin. I tried to fake a smile. I was dead from the inside.

    " Happy birthday Mary! I came to give you a surprise. May God bless you my dear!"

    But I knew that God never blessed the good people with what they deserved. He snatched them away from us as soon as he could. I gifted her the deodorant. The tickets were still there in my hands. I had booked tickets for us to go on tour to Switzerland. I wanted to make her happy. But God was too greedy. He had won the race.

    I felt dizzy. I lost my balance. I didn't remember anything else that day.

     

    Mary was not a Viklaang but a Divyaang.

     

     

     

     

     

  • Meeting with Fate

    Meeting with Fate

    It was still dawn when I stepped out of the cab and walked towards the entry gate of the Delhi airport. The early morning February air was pleasantly cold.

    I was travelling to Bengaluru to attend a college friend's wedding. It had been four years since we graduated from the same college. This wedding was also going to be a reunion of our batchmates. But what I didn't know was that the reunion would begin much ahead of time; right in the queue in front of the airline counter.

    I was almost sure it was she. Same height! Same long hair! Same complexion! Curiosity had my eyes glued to her. And then about 60-odd seconds later, when she turned, she proved me right. My ex-girlfriend stood two places ahead of me in that queue. We had never met after the college farewell.

    I immediately looked away to avoid making eye contact. My heart had picked up pace and palms turned sweaty despite the cool surroundings. Things had not ended well between us and I still resented her to some extent.

    The queue got shorter as we neared the counter. She turned around several times and quickly turned away each time. I was confident that she had spotted me and that was the cause for her awkward behaviour. I looked at the display board to the far right. There was only one flight to Bengaluru at this time. With a chill down my spine, I realised we were to be flight mates also.

    She decided to break the ice by quitting her place in line and walking up next to me. She gave me a wary smile and greeted me with a pleasant “Hello”.

    “Hello”, I muttered my cheeks turning pink. “How have you been, Anita?”

    “Smashing” she replied. She seemed a little unnerved by my obvious embarrassment. “It’s been a long time. We never kept in touch.”

    “No” I replied simply. She expected me to say more, but I kept quiet.

    “I tried calling once” she continued. “But you changed your number. And then I just assumed you would call if you ever wanted to talk.”

    She waited for an explanation. When I didn’t offer any she walked back to her spot in the queue and waited, seemingly perturbed. I forced my thoughts elsewhere. I thought of Karan who was to get married to Preeti. I chuckled when I reflected on my first year in college, when Karan had sworn that he wouldn’t marry Preeti “because they were too different”. He was adamant that the relationship would die with their college days. But time had worked in their favour. Consequently it was the differences that Karan had learned to cherish and today, Karan swears that he can’t live a day without Preeti.

    I had been good friends with the couple from the very start of college. In fact it was they, who had set me up with Anita. For this, I both regard and rebuke them. It lead to my happiest days in college. Being with Anita was a blessing. But the darkness that followed after the break-up was unspeakable, even now four years later.

    My relationship with Anita was very different from relation with Karan and Preeti. I remember after the very first date, hugging Preeti and thanking her for planning the evening. It had gone very smoothly and by the end of it, I was sure that I had stumbled into “the one”. Karan had rolled his eyes when he had heard me say this.

    The two years that followed were flawless. Anita and I rarely argued. We had a lot of common interests, so there was never a difficulty finding something to do. And we were both easily amused.

    I remember spending many an evening just watching the sunset over the quiet and serene lake near college. We hardly spoke but we prized each other’s company. On the other extreme, we often enjoyed getting drunk and pulling half-witted pranks on people we found annoying. Whatever were my whims or fancies, Anita was always game for it and that was what I loved most about her.

    The problem days came when we decided to take a trip to Bengaluru along with Karan and Preeti. To this day, I can’t digest that the perfect relationship had gone down the drain in a matter of three days. I tried violently to shake these thoughts out of my head, lest they send me to despair once again. I took a deep breath and looked ahead. Anita had left and my turn in line was coming up next.

    The boarding took place smoothly. I found my place on the plane and nervously looked around to see where Anita was seated. I heard a smirk behind me. I turned around and faced her.

    “Don’t worry,” she said in a patronizing tone. “I’m sitting all the way up front. I just came by to use the washroom.”

    I ignored her again, a little stung by the condescension in her voice. I sat down.

    “Oh come on, Ravi!” she snapped. “Do you really plan on ignoring me through the duration of the wedding? We are going there to show our support for Karan and Preeti. It is not the time or place for your childish demeanour.”

    Meanwhile an old lady seated next to me, clearly disturbed by this outbreak, offered to switch seats with Anita so that she might sit next to me. We hastily tried to turn down this offer but she continued.

    “You two are clearly old friends with a lot to catch up on. And moreover my daughter is sitting up front, I would like to sit closer to her.”

    Saying this, she got up, asked the flight attendant to guide her to Anita’s seat and left without another word.

    “Great,” muttered Anita and sat herself next to me. She then remembered she had to use the washroom and got up again. She looked like she wanted to say something, but decided against it and went her way.

    I covered my face. This was the last thing I needed. I silently cursed the people who constantly say time is great healer. My wounds were still fresh and to the bone. I had loved Anita very tenderly and to this day did not understand what caused the demise of our relationship. The pain of losing her was coupled by the pain of not knowing why.

    She returned to her seat quietly and sat down. She made no further attempt at communication. I wondered if things would have been better if I had known the reason. Did she just stop loving me? But her face used to light up every time she laid eyes on me. She could never fall asleep unless I gently whispered sweet nothings into phone at night. She used to call me every morning as soon as she awoke, because she wanted my voice to be the first thing she heard every day. Could all this just vanish into thin air? Had it all been a pretence? I couldn’t believe that. Once we had been targeted by a thief on the street and he demanded that I hand over all my money. I mistakenly assumed that I could fight him and things got physical. I realised I was wrong when he easily pushed me to the ground and was about to deliver a blow with his foot, when Anita stepped in and punched him on the nose. Taken aback by this sudden intervention, he stepped back shocked. This gave us time to scream for help, which sent him scurrying away. I stood up and looked at her in disbelief.

    “You were supposed to run away” I had said with a mixture of disbelief and anger.

    “And leave you by yourself? No. I would take a bullet for you” she had replied softly. There was a smile on her lips but there was utmost sincerity in her eyes, so I knew she had meant it.

    This girl had definitely been in love with me. What had happened?

    “You’ve been beating yourself up with this question for four years” said a little voice inside my head. “Now is your chance to ask her. She’s right next to you.”

    Was it worth asking her? What if the answer is something I didn’t want to hear. Like what if she had found someone else and left me for that person?

    “Then at least you can finally know that it wasn’t your fault” the wise voice inside my head insisted.

    I broke out of my reverie and looked over at Anita. She was reading a magazine. She paid no attention to me. I cleared my throat. She still didn’t look up.

    “Anita” I said nervously.

    She started and looked surprised.

    “I wanna ask you something.” The words came out of my mouth quick and garbled. I wondered if she even understood what I had said. But she didn’t look confused. In fact she had no expression on her face.

    “What is it Ravi?” she asked quietly.

    “What happened?”  I asked. I meant to elaborate but there was a catch in my throat and nothing else came out. Instead my eyes welled with tears which I hurriedly blinked back.

    I expected a tender reply. One filled with apology and a lot of sympathy.

    Instead I got an affront asking how come I didn’t already know.

    “Surely the sinner is aware of his deeds” she said.

    I was bowled over. Sinner? What was this girl talking about? She looked even more offended that I didn’t know.

    “It was supposed to be forever. You broke that. You never meant anything you said” she said suppressing a sniffle.

    “What are you talking about?” I asked bewildered.

    “You told Karan that your relationship was just until the end of college. You were planning to leave me anyway. After all your promises that you’ll always be with me. After your promise to marry me. It was all just a sham. Well, I didn’t want to be a part of that sham. That’s why I left you. And I ignored all empty apologies for the rest of college. You broke my heart Ravi. You shattered it along with my dreams. Yet, you have the nerve to sit next to me and ask me what went wrong.”

    This was all too much for her. She broke into a sob. I sat frozen in my seat. A vague memory came to my mind. Karan and I huddled up in a room when the girls were out. I was teasing Karan that he was going to be hitched to Preeti despite what he had initially said. To save face, he was denying it even though at that point he was head over heels in love with her.

    “I won’t marry her. Just you see.” We both laughed it off like young people do, careless and unaware of other people’s feelings. In my defence, we had also been quite drunk.

    Was I to tell her to tell her that it was Karan who had made such statements? On the eve of his wedding? No, surely I was a better friend than that. And by no means did I want Preeti finding out about this. There was just one small thing that irked me.

    “Did you ever discuss this with Karan or Preeti?” I asked.

    “Yes,” she replied stiffly, not understanding the connection to the issue at hand. “Karan actually tried to defend you!” She made a hissing noise. “Preeti, of course, sided with me.”

    A white flash of anger passed through me. Karan knew everything. He had had the chance to make things right and he had just looked out for himself and his own relationship. At least he could have told me. But that would mean that I would let the cat out of the bag and he couldn’t have that. I tried with great effort to think of all the good times with Karan so that resentment did not envelope my memory of him. I lost “the one” because of his childishness, his immaturity and he never bothered to set things straight. Now four years later, my heart still hurts a little every night, while he gets to sleep with the woman of his dreams. A woman he never even intended to marry.

    No, I can’t let this blind my love for Karan. We all do thoughtless things when we are young. Karan was always a “do first, think later” kind of person. Maybe someday I will let Anita know the truth of how much I loved her. How much I still love her. And I had meant every promise and every vow that I had ever made to her.

    I didn’t talk to Anita for the rest of the journey. My head was in turmoil. There were too many thought running through it for me to coherently pick out one train of thought and make a statement. And Anita, after drying her tears went back to her magazine, never to look up again.

    We landed in Bengaluru and disembarked separately. We took separate taxis to the hotel we were supposed to meet up at. That evening we had a rehearsal dinner. I was in slightly better spirits by this time, although I was still very careful to keep my distance from Anita. Karan came up to me, noticing my discomfort and quietly said, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything.”

    It was all I could do to keep myself from scoffing. I was still a little mad at Karan. I watched as he slowly walked up to the stage and took the microphone. He was greeted with cheers all around.

    “I have an announcement” he said with a strained voice. “I love my fiancé Preeti more than I love myself. But when we first started out, things were not so smooth. In fact I never had any plans to marry for quite a while. It was just a casual relationship for me.” He paused and looked at Preeti but she didn’t look angry or disturbed. In fact she laughed and said, “Of course not, silly! We were so different!” and she laughed again. Heaving a sigh of relief, Karan continued, “Unfortunately my youthful carelessness has affected the life of a dear one. Two dear ones actually. Yes, Ravi and Anita, I speak of you both. Anita, what you overheard that day was me speaking that way about Preeti. Ravi would never think to utter something so atrocious against you. He always knew what he wanted Anita and he wanted you. I believe he still does. And I couldn’t in right conscience marry this wonderful woman tomorrow having all this on my mind. Preeti, if you can forgive me for being so blind and selfish back then, that would be the true test of strength of our future married life.”

    Preeti got up and went forward to hug Karan. They were greeted with loud cheers and everyone began moving forward to join in the hugging. That left me rooted to my spot and Anita looking flabbergasted with her mouth ajar.  I slowly approached her.

    “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.

    “I never knew that I had to” I replied.

    We stood staring into each other’s eyes. The lost time flashed between us. If only I had asked what was wrong back then, instead of being presumptuous and apologising for the wrong things. If only she had just confronted me instead of looking for comfort in all the wrong places. Our love was big but our egos had been bigger. We knew better now. For the first time, I was glad time hadn’t healed me. Because that meant I could go back to where we left off, without any repercussions, and I could see from her eyes that she wanted the same. Yes, there was no mistake. She is “the one”.

     

     

     

  • Unrequited Love

    Unrequited Love

    Love stories,aha! since eras has always been cryptic,puts one into dicey situations where mind stops working and heart starts thumping .Since our childhood we have  been enraptured by the princess love stories such as cindrella's,snowwhite's and many more.It leads to building castles in the air but when realization dawns those castle crumbles.There's a huge difference between the reel and real stories .Reel stories seem to be enchanting as they are appealing and filled with caprices.On the contrary the real is goofy and mind boggling .

    To some people its painful and to some its the balm of life.Here is one such story based in the town hamirpur of himanchal.The story is seen from the female protagonist eyes.

                                                It's the story of two college going students ,budding engineers Radhika and Aakash.Radhika who is a chirpy,happy go lucky girl ,innocent, compassionate and virtuous.She is an apple of her parents eye and adored by the society for her cuteness .She is down to the earth and discipline forms the core of her life .The latter is an introvert ,meticulous and ambitious guy .He is a technical savvy,and cracks code in the blink of an eye.A junkee ,he is a lazy lad .

    You might be thinking how can love penetrates and meddles with his codes. So take a look .

    I woke up and realize that its half past ten .Astounded I hastily get into my college attire and walk in a humdrum fashion to the college. The college is two kilometeres away from my home .On the way I cross the temple seeking blessings for the day.And here comes my best friend's home Tanya ."Radhika again you are late " said tanya in an angrily manner.Pulling up our socks we huddled to the college.The college was admidst the woods from three sides and river on the other .A pleasant site where serenity resides and rejuvenating air as if martin had build its nests there.Tanya and I were in the cse branch.We reached the class late and got admonished by our physics teacher.We both were in the first year.First year were preys to the seniors.Whenever they got spare time they would chase us.

                                                 Our classmates were hooligans,their truculent behavior and the din they created made them highlighted in the bad books of the director.The class though seem united was divided according to the cities.There was a delhi squad,a bihar squad and so on.They used to indulge in a scuffle now and then.Whenever the chaos happened we used to move out of the class.

                               One day a mischevious boy locked our class from outside,and in a regular fashion again a dispute broke out.I looked around when suddenly  out of the blue a guy caught my attention.He was sitting quietly aloof from the disputed area.He was engrossed in  his studies and was neither in any of the squads.He was a sophisticated guy full of attitude from top to the bottom.

    A stern, lean and tall boy,he slouched and darted towards me,"Hi I am Aakash from Lucknow".

    His demeanour enamoured me and I was smitten in the first sight.He got us out of the classroom.One night I got a prank call from him but recognised his voice .He was astounded and off one's rocker.Since that day I started liking him more and more.When Tanya came to know about it she started bantering me.The more she teased the more I fell for him.I totally blushed in his presence in the class.Time fleeted and we started chatting online.He always said that he liked my smile and that my cheeks turns red like a tomato giving it a sanguine touch.

                                 It was one year to our meet .Never ever then we talked in person as both of us were shy.I didn't know of him but as of me I was infatuated by him.I was oblivion to the apocalypse that would come my way,that would make me a cynic for all of my life.It was exam time and one night I confessed him that I like him.He also reciprocated me in the manner that insinuated me that he indeed likes me.Reminiscing that day till today bring tears to my eyes ,I was so jubliant and felt on top of the world .I trusted him ,I was blindfold to all the discrepancies and conspiracies.It was more of an online dating and "Complicated" what he said to people around.Exams were over and it was the start of vacations .And Finally we were home, we started to chat regularly and shared our lives with one another.He said things which I couldn't decipher.I was foolish I think,I could have put a break to it but it did not strike me then.It was during middle of the break that he started showing his erratic behaviour and started to shun me .On asking him he would say that he is unsure of liking me and that he is skeptical about the relationship as we did know each other well ,never met .I was aghast on seeing the message ,my castle crumbled ,I was shattered and despaired.The last message from him was

    "Never trust anyone  in this world except for your parents".

    Things were different now,love had abandoned my heart and what  left was stoned.

    I felt dumped,rejected.It's third year now ,one year has passed to the incident,I have come out of the storm ,as a bold lady.Now nothing can break me ,nothing can shatter me .Earlier I was cabinned confined and cripped but now I am free as casing air as white as rock. I have given more into studies and ventured into singing as my passion .I know first love cannot be forgotten but as people say "Empty mind is devil's workshop" so I am trying to keep myself occupied .Let's see what destiny has in store for me.Now I aim to reach the summit of success.Aakash became a turning point in my life.

    The story above just leaves me saying

    "Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequitted love".

                                                       

     

  • Perfect Proposal

    Perfect Proposal

    Well it was in the final year of my MBA, when I actually felt what and how it means to be in love, romance in air, happier and chirpier world moving around you etc etc…For the very first time I met Shubham Gupta , we could not take our eyes off each other…yes we were burning in anger, ready to murder each other. We were competing and were trying harder to win the college trophy. And a slight mismanagement flared up our anguish. Later, through a common friend we patched up but couldn’t stop thinking about each other since the very first meet ! Gradually anger transformed into friendship than on valentine’s day it gradually shaped into unconditional love…with so much drama & activity that pun was always added n intended ! The evening which made me feel like a women with unlimited dreams and passion… he surprised me by confessing his love for me at the most romantic place (the corner seat of the restaurant ) where we met for the first time and couldn’t keep our eyes off each other. He not just literally knelt down but made me even read his diary in which he has beautifully penned down our meetings with minute details and the feeling which he was nurturing for me. And when I broke down and accepted ; he slid down a b’ful diamond ring in my ring finger promising lifetime share of each gain & pain; meal and wine…its almost 5 years of our courtship and I am proud to say that worst enemies can be best lovers.
     

  • Apocalypse

    Apocalypse

    I never meant to start a war. But that is where everything led to.

     

    "I will always be there for you."

    He always convinced me. And I never got convinced. I eventually knew I would never be his and only his possession.

    I wanted to let it go.

    I was trapped. Trapped between my heart and brain. I was caught in a cobweb.

    I couldn't let it go and keeping it with me was making me eccentric.

    He didn't get it. I told him. He never understood.

     

    He was going to get married the next day. Living with another woman. I didn't have all his heart for myself. He had shared it. So much of love. I was laughing. Laughing hard. My stomach was aching. And my soul was crumbling down.

     

    My grandpa's trembling voice seemed so sarcastic for a moment.

    " Always you should share. And care for others. "

    I couldn't share him with another girl. No. It was a simple no.

     

    I heard his voice.

    " Be patient. I can marry you too."

     

    I couldn't be patient. I suddenly felt like a toy for him. Is that all he had wanted from me?  Am I not more than that? Why didn't he tell me before? Is it true that all men are heartless forever and ever? I started losing all the trust I had in men. I didn't want to be a second choice for him.

     

    My school teacher always said,

    " Rina, you are one of a kind!"

    She was called the sarcastic queen of our school.

    I was perplexed by her remark.

    "You have a beautiful soul. Never compromise with yourself. You are all that you have got. Don't go for an aam candy."

    I was so confused.

    Even though he was an 'aam candy' for others, he was like the best kind of chocolate available for me in the whole world.

     

    How could I make her understand that?

    I couldn't.

    Like a chasing mad dog at your feet. Like an avalanche, hitting me. He made me run. He had made my heart beat faster than ever. He was an inspiration for me.

     

    A marriage. I had to face after a long time. I had to change my mind. I needed whisky this time. Cigarettes were not enough for my soul. Maybe weed would have been a better way to get away with this.

    I pleaded.

    " Please let me go."

     

    He sounded worried. He suddenly seemed selfish.

    " I will feel void. With nothing left. Please don't leave me."

     

    I was never a Homo sapien. I had a heart made of an unknown substance. Constantly forgiving. I didn't want him to get hurt all life. Because of me. But he had another woman for him. He never told me until I had got to know about her one day.

     

    I was falling in a deep well. I didn't have anyone to hold me.  I was free. Free from any heart or soul who could control me.

    The song 'Saware' by Arijit Singh. Was again echoing in my mind.

     

    I just wished if I would have met him before. The greed would have been less. I was burning inside. The ashes were left now. My tongue was paralyzed. I couldn't speak. My lips felt dry. I was feeling choked. My lungs were getting bigger day by day. Asking for more oxygen. And my heart was seeming to get smaller than my fist day by day. I could keep only him safe in there. But not him with another woman.

     

    The earphones plugged deep into my ears had always been like the best stethoscope ever discovered on earth. A song is all that I needed.

     

    Or a game like the 2048. I was thinking so much about him. My brain would have exploded any time. The two and four blocks kept moving on the screen. I had some spring attached to my thumb. My thumb was not stopping. The blocks of the game kept accumulating. It was on an endless mode. I had reached 8192. A new high score. 

     

    I was a winner. On a endless mode of 2048. I had reached only 8192. I had to reach  16384. And then I don't know which number. I was struggling to be patient.

     

    The spider had spun such a beautiful cobweb. So hypnotising. The ladybird couldn't get out of it. Unless someone else  had come and dusted it off from  there. At the upper right corner of my room.

     

    Everything was clear now. I had to be heartless. Kill the spider. And destroy the cobweb. The ladybird would then fly away. Free.

     

    Lana del Ray's "Born to die" was tearing my heart to  pieces. Her deep voice was resonating in my brain for the whole day. Every now and then. I was dying.

     

    The sheer thought of you being with her is so devastating. I am here. Lying on my bed. Not dwelling in your heart. Or your soul. Not even in your arms.

     

    The mantras were too loud. The pandit was chanting continuously. The volume of my earphones was too low to ignore it. I removed them from my ears.

     

    The bride looked heavenly. She was so pretty. Clad in a green sari. With that content smile on her face. She was turning red every now and then. Blushing continuously.

     

    The tank of tear glands in my eyes were empty now. No more of tears. I smiled. Smiled like a starving eagle. The eagle had found a snake.

     

     The groom came on the pandal. He was there. I looked at him. I admired the way he was good at multitasking. With two hearts at the same time with his  single heart. Little did he know that my heart and soul had already died. With just a plastic smile on.

    He tied the mangalsootra on her neck. She was so lucky. Lucky enough to get him. And now lucky enough to be fed by a bullet.

     

    There were only three bullets in the revolver. I was waiting for this day. Waiting for it to occur.

    Let her world shatter to pieces. My world had already got extinct.

    I was standing there. Near the pandal. With my favourite thing in my clutch. I had warned him already.

    " I am not patient. I am mad. "

    Nothing scared me anymore.

    I had faced one. And now she would face one. An apocalypse.

     

  • Deepika’s Dad Emotional Letter at Filmfare Award Show

    Deepika’s Dad Emotional Letter at Filmfare Award Show

    This Letter From Deepika's Dad Made Everyone Emotional at the Filmfares.

    Every person in the hall got emotional when Deepika Padukone went on stage to collect her Best Actress Trophy at the Filmfare Awards on January 15. 

    https://www.facebook.com/sonytelevision/videos/1036185103070919/

    In her red dress, Padukon went on stage to collect award for her outstanding acting in Piku movie. The movie also was centered on emotional relationship between daughter and her father. She read out letter with tears, said-

     "There is no substitute for perseverance, hard work, determination, and passion for what you do. If you love what you do, nothing else matters," 
     

     

    Check out the letter!

    https://www.facebook.com/DeepikaPadukone/posts/1010232125717557:0

     

    Business Tycoon Kiran Mazumdar Shaw & Salman Khan retweeted on this:

     

  • I Forgive You

    I Forgive You

    ‘Diane? Sweetheart? I forgive you.’

    She parked her car next to a yellow bike in the parking lot of the hospital as the rain pelted down with full force outside. She heaved a sigh and reached for her umbrella while wiping a lone stray tear from her cheek.

    One more day. One more day of waiting.

    She felt it every day, the pain and guilt clawing at her heart. She walked towards the entrance of the hospital with slow steps. She didn’t want this. She wanted the pain to go away. But would it ever?

    The lady at the reception, whose nametag read Laura, gave her a smile full of sympathy and said-

    ‘How are you today Diane?’

    She took a deep breath in and looked down at her shoes. They had started showing signs of wear. She didn’t answer the lady’s question. She just looked back up and asked the lady-

    ‘Can I see him now?’

    Laura knew she wouldn’t answer that question. But still she asked her that same question every day she came.

    ‘Yes, you can see him now’ she replied while giving Diane that same sad smile.

    She walked up the stairs and slowly inched towards the room on the far right end of the corridor. She put her ear to the door and listened. The same beeping noises greeted her from the other side. She had the sudden urge to break the door. But she controlled herself and pushed it open.

    There he was. He lay in the same position that she had left him in, the day before. Oh how she wished he would move! But would he?

    She went towards the bed and sat on the chair beside it. Taking his hand in hers she let out the tears she had been holding back. He had been in coma for a year now and it was all her fault. She could still remember that day clearly as if it had just happened yesterday. The worst part was that every time she saw him, she was reminded of the mistake she had made. After all, it was she who had called him while he was driving. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t see the truck barrelling towards him. He was just being a good husband and answering his wife’s call.

    She wanted him to wake up. She hoped every day that he would wake up and open his eyes. He would look at her with love and warmth and then take her into his arms. He would hold her tight and whisper comforting words to her. In the end, he would forgive her.

    ‘Sweetheart? Please come back to me.’

    But she had to accept that he would never comeback. That she had already lost him. That he would never forgive her. She would have to let him go. She just couldn’t take it anymore. She would have to pay for her sin.

    So she ran. Ran like a mad woman to that beautiful cliff where they had met for the first time. They had been in college when they both came here to take a break from the exam pressure. It had been love at first sight for Steve and her and they had been inseparable since then. No matter how many difficulties life threw their way.

    She reached the cliff huffing and puffing. Diane spread her arms wide open. She felt like a bird. Light and free.

    ‘I’m coming Steve. I know I’ll meet you there. I won’t let you go again.’

    She let out her last breath and jumped.

    But as she made that last jump, she was unaware of a pair of eyes opening back at the hospital and the soft croak of a voice saying

    ‘Diane? Sweetheart? I forgive you.’

     

     

     

  • Schizophrenia

    Schizophrenia

     

    “Where is the other earring?”

    I asked myself. The hands of the clock were ticking away like a bullet train. I had to reach my office soon. I was expecting the wrinkles on the forehead of the frowny face of the gatekeeper to torment me today.

    My drawer was killing me as usual. Filled with matchboxes, chewing gum wrappers, cigarettes, ear buds, hair pins, clips, small pieces of paper, anklets, rings and earrings. It was over brimming with useless things. My eyes stopped scanning when they were stuck at the pair of the most beautiful earrings in the whole world.

    A round shaped dangling earring with two white stones and a lot of tiny bits hanging from them.  The two white stones were made for each other. The earring was broken. I didn’t have the other earring. I had lost it. Lost it to a man. The earrings were my love.

    It was strange. Nostalgic. A single earring could take me back to him.

    “Time travel was possible with a pair of earrings?”

    I was still wondering. Leaning against the old dirty wall of my room. On my bed.  Deciding on what earrings to wear. The hands of the clock were still ticking. This time slower.

    I was lost. I found him again. He was a drug. Like the caffeine of my coffee and the nicotine of my cigarettes.

    It was a sultry afternoon when my sweaty hands felt heavenly for the first time in my life. We were a body with more nerves and less muscles. Those sweaty hands were making my heart crave for his soul forever. That day was when I had found the favourite earrings. And found them broken too. Maybe I was high.

     “Coffee or tea behenji?”

    Somebody was outside my room. Continuously knocking as if I was a ‘Kumbhkaran’ who would never wake up from his hibernation mode. The chaiwala.

    “I don’t want anything, Bhaiya!”

    The creaky noise of his jutees faded away. I heaved a sigh of relief.

     

    After years. Again. I was with him. Busy.

     

    My phone was flashing like the irritating Diwali neon lights of some distant shop on the streets near my home reminding me about him constantly; it was his birthday that day. My mind was filled with things I wanted to tell him.

    The dial pad of the phone was not far away from my hands. I could have called him. But who knew that the dial pad was never reachable from my courage.

     

    He was like a sweet poison. It seemed as if it was forever. I was shivering to even look into his eyes; I was looking at his photo.

     

    I needed fuel for my lungs. I was frantically searching for a cigar in my drawer. He was stopping my mind. My breath. I felt like a chain smoker who will die without a cigar every second.

     

    A treasure in my drawer. A Marlboro packet. I found a cigar. It smelt like him. He was with me. I was on cloud nine.

     

    My hands started searching for the green notebook; my priced possession; my diary. My tongue felt like I was licking the bark of a tree. There was more blood flowing through my heart. Oxytocin was at its peak.

    Turning the yellow pages, searching for the date. I found it. 28th February. My pen’s tip touched the paper. My phone started buzzing again.

    “Reminder: Buffalo’s birthday! Wish him!”

    I put it on snooze. The pages of my diary were starving. My brain was exploding and there was no space left to store things. Feeding my diary was the only choice left.

    My pen’ tip was already busy scribbling away on those yellow pages.

     

    Dear buffalo,

    I see those foolish girls getting so happy if you buy them a diamond ring. A gift they can show off to their other foolish friends. I see them getting so excited when someone goes shopping with them. I remember those women being happy if they have guys who owns a Jaguar or a Bugatti and can take them on a long drive on the busy roads of some overpopulated city.

     

    “Do you know what I want?”

     

    You should be afraid. Because I am going to ask something very expensive.

    I don’t want any ribbons or any lacy gifts. I don’t want any branded pearl necklace. I don’t need any costly designer gold ring. I don’t wish for a Bugatti or a Jaguar or a bungalow. I don’t want you to buy me any clothes or slippers. I don’t want to go on some romantic shitty movie with you. I can do all that myself.

    What I yearn for is a walk with you on the roadside. A wild flower you can get for me. Even if it smells bad, it will be one of a kind in thousands. A novel you can read to me. Your voice will fill those hollow spaces of my soul.

    A warm feeling of holding your hand for a second. It will never feel the same even if I get to touch the best velvet clothes. An everlasting dream of staring into your eyes forever to get fulfilled. It will be like the best movie I will ever watch. A smile on your face. Those big ears of yours to tease about. A rainy date. An ice cream I can share with you. A hug. A sense of touch. Some moments of silence for communicating with you. Some minutes with you. I want you to be happy till the time I am with you.

     

    “I crave for you.”

     

    Yes. I am greedy. I know I am asking too much from you. This is too expensive. I hope you will be able to afford such things. But, things have changed now.

     

    “I don’t miss you anymore.”

     

    I found you today in those pair of earrings which you had broken. I take a sip of coffee and with every sip I feel you go through the esophagus and mix with my blood too. Like the Kohl in my eyes; which I can never live without. You are always there. I see the novel you had gifted me years back. “The God of small things” by Arundhati Roy. I see your fingers holding it carefully to gift it to me that day. I see the moon. And always wondered how can it look so romantic to people? But it feels good to look at it. As the moon and the earth are so close to each other, so are you and me. I listen to the songs you have sent me. And find you dancing to them like a fool.

     

    You are everywhere. I don’t miss you anymore.

    The words of I and you were missing from my dictionary. You was I. And I was you.

     

    There is still an illusion of your presence but a persistence of your absence. And it kills me every second. What to think about and what not to think about has become a difficult task. Because there are deep imprints of your ghost in my mind. What if there was something like a time travel thing now with me. I would like to travel back and change everything for a while. Because then the persistence of your absence will have been gone for a while and I would feel as if I am in a paradise. And being in the most beautiful place, I would never want to come back.

     

    I complained one day.

    “You are a thief. I feel like a beggar. Give me my heart back.”

     

    “I am a proud thief. Keep my heart safe. Don’t crush it.”

     

    My pen stopped on the fifth yellow page. My diary didn’t feel hungry anymore. A single drop of water was enough to quench the thirst of the paper. The kohl of eyes was getting drowned in water. My cigar packet was empty. I needed more fuel.

     

    The hands of the clock stopped ticking. I was on cloud nine. My phone kept buzzing. I switched it off. Forever.

     

     

     

     

     

  • Feelings Untold

    Feelings Untold

    Andrew started putting away his feelings and started looking at her as a friend. Both of them had a good time in the evenings hanging out and talking about their positives and inabilities.

     

    It was a bright sunny day and Andrew was lying on his bed desperately thinking about how his first day of high school would be. He was shy ,always preferred to stay away from a crowd and never had the courage to talk to girls comfortably.

    Next day, He woke up late as usual without realising that he had to attend his first day of school. His mother helped him out to get ready on time. The school was not far enough for him to board a bus, he took his bike and rushed to the school. Most of the students already got to know each other before even the first class or they were childhood friends .

    Andrew didn’t really look at the people around him while rushing to his class. He entered the class just before the class started. The first class was just an introductory class, the professor gave a small introduction about  the school and it’s achievements which Andrew didn’t even bother listening to. He was looking around the class to see if there were any of his old classmates or neighbours.

    As the professor finished his short introduction, he asked everyone to tell their short history. Andrew gave brief information about his previous schools and ended his introduction. After his introduction, he saw a girl on the left of his seat who seemed familiar to him. She introduced herself as Lina, she was actually Andrew’s classmate in elementary school and also his first love.

    Andrew made up his mind to talk to her, but the very next moment he restrained himself thinking that she might not remember him. There was a break after the first class and everyone moved out to the cafe except Andrew, he didn’t know what to do and kept thinking about how to talk to her. Lina made a few friends in the class and was always with them giving no chance for Andrew to speak to her.

    Andrew was happy that he still has a chance to get closer to his first love but he didn’t have the confidence to talk to her. The first day of school ended and Andrew came home thinking about a way to impress her the next day. He started searching for the memorable objects or photos involving Lina. He found a few photographs and few gifts he received from her on his birthdays. Travelling down the timeline, he remembered how much fun he had with her during the school days.

    On the next day of school, Andrew started talking to the other guys of the class to improve his courage to talk to Lina. He got a few good friends who had almost the same interests as he had. He started hanging out with his new friends but behind all this he was actually trying to get closer to Lina by gathering information about her interests and dislikes.

    Days passed and he was still collecting information about her. While all this was happening, Lina realised that someone was stalking her. She tried finding out who it was. In the process, she realised that Andrew was her classmate in elementary school .

    She started enquiring about Andrew like how Andrew was collecting information about her. But she couldn’t find out that he was the stalker. Once she knew that Andrew was shy and never had the courage to talk to girls comfortably, she realised that he would never talk to her unless there was a reason. So Lina decided to initiate the conversation.

    Lina  approached Andrew and said “hi!”, Andrew was in a state of shock and didn’t know how to respond immediately. He blindly replied “hi!”. She thought that Andrew didn’t recognise her, but before she could confirm her thoughts he immediately asked her about her school days making himself clear that he recognised her. This made both of them comfortable for a conversation.  They had a good conversation for about ten minutes as they got to know more about themselves. Before ending the conversation, she asked him if he knew about anyone stalking her. Andrew told her the truth that it was his doing, and he did that to know more about her. Lina felt relieved and was glad that she met him. She gave him her number and her address.

    From the next day on, both of them went to school together and  became closer every day. They had long conversations on the phone and hung out together on weekends.

    From the data Andrew collected, Lina had a large family. She had 2 sisters who were very close to each other at all times. She was never interested in a relationship as it might destroy the bond between her and her family, was never even close to her friends too. She considered her family as everything. Andrew did not want to ruin her bond with her family so he decided not to confess his feelings until the time was right. But the truth is Lina doesn’t feel that way. She always wanted someone to love her more than family.

    At the same time, what Lina gathered about Andrew  was  the complete truth. She knew about his shyness and discomfort when it comes to girls, that he was never interested in a relationship. But she never knew that she was the reason.

    Andrew started putting away his feelings and started looking at her as a friend. Both of them had a good time in the evenings hanging out and talking about their positives and inabilities.They got to know more and more about each other. Lina started realising that Andrew was that person who is always by her side at all times. She considered him something more than a friend.

    One day after school, Lina called out to Andrew and asked him if he was free for lunch that weekend. After a moment of silence, he said yes. She told him that it was a family lunch and that she wanted to introduce him to his family. She seemed pretty excited about it but Andrew was a little worried about how it might turn out to be.

    Andrew couldn’t sleep that night thinking about the lunch all the time. No one has ever invited him to lunch and he’s scared that he cannot face her parents comfortably. He kept thinking about a way to overcome his shyness for a day.

    Lina called Andrew at around 10AM in the morning and told him that she’d come to his house to pick him up for the lunch in another fifteen minutes as they had to travel quite a long distance. Andrew was almost shivering and wasn’t really feeling comfortable. He quickly dressed up, put on his blazer, came down to the road and waited for Lina to pick him up.

    As he was waiting, a sedan-class car approached him. He didn’t realize that it was Lina’s car. She lowered the window and asked him to hop in. Lina, her parents and her sisters were in the car already. Andrew had to adjust in the last seat with one of Lina’s sister. Andrew felt a bit uncomfortable sharing a seat with Lina’s sister whom he has never met before.

    The car drove into a huge farm house, Andrew was dumbstruck. As they hopped out of the car, one of the two sisters approached him and gave him a small piece of paper which said, “LOOK AT LINA”. When he saw Lina, he was shocked to see her in a wedding dress. He was even more confused about the situation. Without thinking about anything he complimented her dress and moved away.

    Lina and her mother went into the kitchen to prepare the lunch while her father rested in the living room listening to old classic rock songs and her sisters rushed to the television room and started watching their favourite show. Andrew had nothing to do so he started exploring the place. After about ten minutes, Lina and her mother seemed to have finished their job. Lina’s mother joined the sisters to watch the T.V. show. Andrew and Lina were sitting alone in the hall staring at the walls.

    Knowing Andrew’s shyness, Lina concluded that he wouldn’t initiate a conversation in such a situation. Lina asked him if he wanted to look around the house. He agreed and they started going into each room as Lina described her childhood memories to him. This kept them busy for about fifteen more minutes.

    At around noon, Lina’s mother called everyone for lunch. Everyone gathered at the dining hall in 5 minutes and the food was neatly arranged on the table ready to be eaten. Andrew sat beside Lina and her sister. Before everyone began having their lunch, Lina stood up and requested Andrew to stand up.

    After a minute of silence, Lina hugged him. Andrew didn’t know how to react to this and became nervous. She then said,” Happy Birthday Andrew!”. Until this moment, he didn’t realise that it was his birthday as he had been worrying about overcoming his shyness for the day. Everyone stood up and gave their gifts, except Lina. She said she had something special for later.

    This made Andrew fall in love with Lina again, He couldn’t fall back this time. He was having the best time of his life. He made up his mind to confess his feelings to Lina, but still lacked courage to do that. They had their lunch and everyone were back to their previous jobs.

    Lina and Andrew were walking along the garden having a casual conversation about school days. Andrew felt that this was his opportunity to confess his feelings. While he was walking along thinking about how to confess, Lina stopped walking and she asked him, “Will you ever say it?”. Andrew’s face turned red, he wasn’t ready with a reply and remained silent.

    After a moment he said,” You’re the best person i’ve ever met in my life. Ever since school days, I cherished every single moment I spent with you. I still remember all the weird conversations we had. You have a great family and it was important for you to spend time and share your love with them, I didn’t want to disrupt the bond you had with your family so I tried controlling my feelings.You were always something more than a friend to me, but I was scared that I might lose your friendship too if I confessed my feelings. I’m not that good with confessing, but still I love you”. He finished his confession in a stammering voice.

    He closed his eyes and put his face down as he was scared to see her face while she responded. She came closer to him and held her palms on his cheeks and gave him an approval kiss. Lina’s sisters and her parents were delighted at the sight and started cheering for their young love.

    Andrew was almost fainting and was sweating hard in nervousness. Lina hugged him and said,” I will always love you!”. This was the best birthday Andrew has ever had. He started overcoming his shyness and started becoming bolder with Lina’s guidance. She considered him to be perfect the way he was. Rather than a disruption in the bond between Lina and her family, it grew stronger with Andrew. They enjoyed the rest of their school life and had a happy life thereafter.

  • Sweet are the uses of adversity

    Sweet are the uses of adversity

    “Sweet are the uses of adversity”. This cliche forms the very functioning of our lives and makes it an example for others to adulate.

    Memories can never be oblivion, they linger on and on and get etched in our minds. We wish those moments to be retraced back, but time and tides wait for no one. As I pen it down my heart is full of agony and pensive thoughts about the lost ones. It happened to me ten years back but the incident is vivid. Since then everything has changed in the blink of an eye but i am still there standing aloof.

    The story hails   from my hometown, the city of lakes Nainital. I remember that day so well, how jubilant i was rambling amidst the forest ayarpata with my grandmother, far away from the hustle and bustle of the city. The sky was azure, birds were chirping with their dulcet voices soothing one’s ear. I had a penchant for nature since my childhood and that made me full of alacrity .Being in her sixties my grandmother was enthusiastic and zealous. She was a lover of peace and enjoyed being there .We darted towards our destination when out of the blue and old lady appeared .She was older than my grandmother as her face depicted- dying, gaunt, desperate, and rustic in appearance. Her eyes were sunken deep and her face was full of cracks and wrinkles .Her eyes said her untold story having agonies, sorrows. She was in  a predicament and panicking when she murmured “I am a villager  and had bought my cow for grazing but now it is nowhere to be seen .Please beta help me, I can’t walk anymore “.My grandmother condoled her while the responsibility fell on my shoulders. I made my way towards the direction she insinuated. It was getting dingy .I ran fast as i could but in vain. Hardly i could cover distance, my plumpness was showing its results .Despair and despondence had shuddered me .I whined and prayed to lord to help me find that old lady, her cow and chanted some hymns. With finishing it i continued on my way, when suddenly I caught a glimpse of some familiar reflection. I ran towards the arena and to my utter astonishment found that it was the same cow she characterized. Seeing that my heart was full of mirth and bliss. It was more of a battle to me battle for win and lose, battle of good and evil, battle of justice and injustice and I was able to do justice to the old soul whom fate had marred. I took that cow to her .As soon as she saw this her eyes were full with tears and she hugged me tightly .My grandmother also patted my back and appreciated my audacity.

    The old lady blessed me saying “Beta may you get whatever you want .May you reach the acme of success “I felt in a short while I was attached to that lady .From then on I made frequent visits to her place .

    It has been years now, the old wretched soul is deceased but her soothing words are still with me and follow me till eternity .It made me a new person and transformed me into a better human being in true sense of words.