I remember the first time I killed it. You’re probably wondering what it is. It is more of a thing really.
It’s a parasite. A fucking spiritual draining parasite. And not a quick drain, more like a slow and gradual mental and spiritual decline.
That’s what happened to me… I used to be different then I am now. I used to laugh and have a sense of humor, a real sense of direction, and now… I’m just a body existing through life instead of living.
I moved into my three bedroom house with my daughter in July 2019. There were immediate signs. My daughter began to have nightmares, horrifically vivid nightmares.
She would describe them to me and the hairs on my entire body would stand at attention. A few weeks passed and a friend I would often confide in recommended having a priest pray over and bless my house.
I thought he was full of shit but what could it hurt? I mean my daughter was literally suffering every night and was terrified to go to sleep.
Reluctantly, I called the priest from my friend’s church. He came to my house and blessed it by spraying holy water in every room and burning sage throughout my entire residence.
Her nightmares only grew worse and I began to have a strong feeling I was being watched when I was at home. This felt like whatever it was was angry. I could feel its rage. It grew stronger with each passing day.
It didn’t take long till it manifested itself in the form of something hideous, something physical.
I trapped it and stabbed it repeatedly, killing it, or at least I thought I did. I buried it in my backyard just to find an empty hole in the morning.
We moved out of our house and hit the road for Colorado to stay with my brother. It followed us all the way to his house.
It killed my brother and ate his entire body. It likes people. It feasts on them. And so I used that to its disadvantage. I set a trap using my daughter as bait.
I didn’t tie her up or anything crazy like that. She sat in a chair in the middle of our living room and cried. It loves tears. Especially those that belong to a weeping child.
It came and tried to eat my daughter but I killed it… again.
That was a few years ago. I know it’s not dead. It’s out there, waiting to come back. It’s waiting for me to settle down somewhere. Somewhere it can hide. It has nestled itself into every place we’ve moved to, so we’ve stopped settling and have remained on the road, scraping by to live.
I still don’t sleep most nights. I sit up and watch over my daughter as she sleeps. She rarely gets nightmares anymore. However, I’m still uncomfortable most days and feel this impending dread. Plus, being on the road nonstop and running is exhausting. I wish we could settle down.
But I know if I settle it will come back. It always comes back.