Situations are tough but we should never give up. When all the doors seem locked a window at least would be found open.
My first child was a son born to me in 2012. The year that was supposedly the end was my beginning. I have nourished him with my own blood and milk. He was the most beautiful gift given by God to me. I do not know if I would have loved him any less if he was a girl. I have been a single mother. My finger is the only support he had had. But he had a small life. He had been with me only for two and a half years. I do not exactly know his birthday or I perhaps do not remember it. What I remember is he was born in summer. That winter that little thing looked too tiny on my lap. The next winter he filled some space.
The third winter, I thought would grow big for my bony lap but those days did not arise. Early December a fish bone had struck in his mouth. I had tried my home remedies to take it out but it had not worked out. I took him to the village health centre but it was a Friday the doctor babu had already left. He won’t be back till Monday. Throughout the weekend my little child suffered. Seeing tears in my eyes he hid is pain.
On Monday our doctor babu arrived. He took out the bone stuck on his mouth for two long days. I thought it relieved my son. That now, he was fine, he could eat. But after two days he had stopped eating again this time I took him immediately to doctor babu. He said the infection had spread on his entire body and within 48 hours he passed away. it was December 18th. Even though I cannot recall his birthday properly I remember his death day carefully for there is no greater pain than losing a child. I have felt it and I’m sure death would be better.
By the wrath of the gods this did not occure only once in my life. It occurred twice. After my son’s second death anniversary I had adopted another child whom I had found abandoned in a shrubby area. He looked like he had starved for at least three days and he was barely a month old. I lifted up that tiny boy in my arms and carried him home.
My husband had abandoned me. I was dependent on my father. For my family I was a burden. They neither could marry me off nor could they keep me with happiness. And out of nowhere I had brought home a child. My entire family fumed with rage. How could I throw him away? I decided to teach children as a livelihood. My family members agreed. But I had only a graduate degree and nothing more so my fee was really less. However I supported him without any one’s financial help. But as time went by I realised food was not enough. He had to be educated well for a bright future.
I thought for days with full concentration but in vain. I could not find more money to support him. He was six months old now.
He crawled the entire floor, grabbed my finger with his tiny hands and sometimes he did bite me too with his radish like teeth.
When he slept he stretched his hands towards me. I was totally encompassed in the web of motherhood.
At last for his best I decided to put him for adoption. This idea was first proposed by my mother. I had discarded it then and there but when I thought over I realised that with a fee of 5000 rupees I cannot provide him with his minimum necessities. I contacted a NGO. And then after two months they contacted me that there is a couple who want a baby. The man was a doctor and the woman a teacher.
They were rich and lived in the city. I knew if I gave them my baby I would never be able to see him again. Plus I would have to sign a contract saying I would never again claim him. All the legal papers were ready. All that remained was my signature. I sat with the papers in front of me convincing myself to sign, trying to hold the pen correctly so that it does not slip. Just right then, my phone rang. I dropped the pen and received the call. This brought wrinkles on every one’s foreheads. I said, ‘hello’.
The woman on the line said that I they had accepted my application and that then onwards I was a teacher at their school and they would also provide my son with free education when he would be of age.
I was too happy to react. All I could do was to stand up say, ‘no’ and leave. I could give him away for I loved him. But then I got a signal from god, a single opportunity that changed our lives.