The first time I saw her she was wearing a close-fitted black Edward dress.
Her sapphire blue eyes matched the blue pendant she wore.
And her transparent black stilly toes would enhance her even more. She walked elegantly on the red carpeted stairs.
I could easily sense that she was looking for someone and in that crowd she couldn’t find that person. She looked so beautiful that every soul there had turned their faces towards her.
She walked down the stairs. There were thousands of people that were waiting for her. They wanted to question her, talk with her, and be with her for that very moment. They would not leave her alone for a second. As she walked I could sense a slight sense of nervousness. No doubt she was walking with full confidence and valor but there were something that her beautiful eyes were missing. As I stood there observing her every expression my father asked me if I wanted to meet her.
Of course I wanted to meet her. She was a sensational singer and an amazing dancer. How could someone say no for meeting a complete adorable super star?
Here Alivia meet my daughter Sahar.
This super star had one of the most welcoming eyes in the world. She with a serene smile on her face smiled at me and I did the same.
We spent the rest of the night together talking about interesting stuff like god’s particle, perpetual motion, multiverses and a lot many things. She was an intelligent girl and that’s what made me think more about her. How did she ended up in a world like this? Within a few months we started meeting more. My father was her new event manager and their business meetings would turn out to be a good day for both of us.
So there was this day that was full of gray clouds all around with a few yellow-orange rays of sun coming through forth and a while. Alivia and I had become real good friends and that’s when I asked her “you don’t seem to be really happy, may I know why?”
With a deep breath she answered, “I am happy, I am famous and I have fans who love me, I have money and I have fame, I don’t really want anything else”
I asked again, “Then why I can see something hidden inside you”
She replied with an even warmer look in her eyes, “That is because there is this regret that keeps on haunting me”
Tell me sahar how would you live with a smile on if you couldn’t save someone’s life? If that person was your life?
I looked at her mysteriously, I knew I wasn’t wrong about her. She did have something that she never told anyone and I held her hand listening to what she was about to say.
“It was senior high school, I was a girl full of ambition and charm. I looked mature and understanding but there was this real me who always believed in fairy tales and all this romantic stuff. The idea of being in love and to be loved would brighten me up from inside. I never actually fell in love with anyone but I wanted to be in so much of it. I wasn’t that good looking. But they said I had beautiful eyes. I always believed in friendship and I could do anything for my friends that’s when I met this guy named Samar. He was a friend of a friend and he looked really great.
I never used to notice guys this much but I couldn’t get my eyes off him. His black raven like eyes had a spell cast over me. I could read him instantly as soon as our eyes met and that meeting remarked one of the most beautiful phases of my life. He fell for a girl and I helped him out just I used to help other friends of mine. Things were going great. He was a very good friend of mine so much so that he would listen everything I would say, do everything as I would ask him to do and would never question me. Moreover he never listened anyone so much so as he listened me, not even his family or his girlfriend but things suddenly changed.
His girlfriend left him broken hearted and as a public savior, I was there with him to hold him when he fell, wipe his tears when it rained and do anything for a smile on his face. We used to talk every day, every night. He was in love with a girl who didn’t love him and being with him made me fall in love with him. Finally after so many years of my life I had fallen in love and this was not at all amazing as I thought it would be. I didn’t have courage to tell him that I loved him. And I didn’t knew he had called his own destruction.
This was this day when I saw him smoke for the first time in my life and he had no turning back since then. The more I was falling for him, the more he was drawn towards her. I wanted to save him, I wanted to enlighten his world and I called her ex-girlfriend dictating her his pain so that she could come in his life again. She did and she left him again breaking him into more pieces.
This time it wasn’t smoking which came knocking at his door, it was named ketamine, a dissociative drug used as an anesthetic in veterinary practice. I had no idea from where he got it and who was behind all this, all I knew next was his mother had called me to enquire about his drug taking practices of which I was totally unaware.
From last one month he had been in the grasp of ketamine. No wonder why he had been forgetting things so often. He had hallucinations about his ex-girlfriend. He had started day dreaming and according to her mother he hallucinated about her, the girl who was responsible for all of this. He could never move on from her and just to see her, he started with the drugs. He started it so that he can let her know that he could die for her. But he forgot this one simple thing, there were others too who were dying for him, who loved him exactly the same way he loved her.
I wasn’t going to leave him like this so I decided to leave everything for once and make him shine again the way he used to be. I took him for a treatment and convincing him wasn’t an easy task, it took me a week to persuade him to come along with me to the doctor. Both of us drew a dream for him in our minds. A dream that I knew he would definitely fulfill. Things had come to pace now.
We had come real close and his ketamine was reduced. Our very next step was to launch his music album which was not a difficult task for the most difficult phase had been won.
The most difficult fight was won, the fight with ketamine was finally over.
I got him a present for the achievement we made. It was a lord Ganesh’s statue. Samar never really believed in god but seeing the present I could see his eyes get wet. He looked at me in an unusual way this time. He had never looked at me this way.
“You know Alivia nobody had ever gifted me anything,” he said
I smiled and he kept on staring me.
I couldn’t gaze in his eyes for long so I turned my face over other side. His gentle and warm hands touched my neck bringing my face closer to his, we were just some centimeters apart, I could feel his breath when he in a very swift voice asked me “would you mind if I kiss you?”
I didn’t respond but he could make out reading my eyes that it was a yes.
His thin, pink lips touched mine, I had never kissed anyone and this was beyond perfection. My first kiss with my first love. It was my fairy tale coming true. What else would I want in my life?
After that moment it was impossible for me to get that smile off my face. My cheeks had turned pink. Ah! For the first time in my life, I was blushing. I couldn’t get over that moment that day and that night and the coming few days and the coming few nights.
After that day we haven’t met, I had my exams and he was busy in shooting his album. After 10 days we met, I looked at him and he gazed back. With a smile on his face he welcomed me but I could easily sense that he was hiding something. I straightaway went to him and directly looked into his eyes what the matter was. After a lot of futile efforts he answered:
Yeah that bitch whom I hated like hell called. Why now? When he had finally moved on? I was shattered with the thought of her coming back in his life. I knew she’d destroy him again but his eyes, they were shining and I didn’t have the courage to snatch his happiness from him. So I smiled and told him that he should talk with her and be with her.
He denied doing that, I knew what he was thinking. He didn’t wanted to hurt my feelings but I knew he wanted her more than anyone else in this world and that is why I asked him not to worry about me and just stay with her.
I couldn’t resist him seeing with her so I packed my bags and left that city so that they could live together happily but I didn’t knew then that with my detachment from the city, I was about to detach his life line from him.
It had been a month my leaving the city and his album launch was not far away. I hadn’t talked with him for a month, but now it was a high time to listen to his voice. I called him a night before his launch. It was strange that nobody picked up the phone. I called again and still no one answered. After calling around ten time somebody finally picked up. It was a female voice that I heard.
“Hello! Is this Samar?” I asked
“No beta, it’s me Samar’s mother” lady answered
“Aunty I just wanted to wish him for his launch tomorrow”, I replied
“Why did you leave beta, he’s in the hospital dying. Come home please”, she said
I was frozen. Hospital? Dying? When did this happen? Why did this happen? It took me 18 hours to reach him and there was he dressed in that pale yellow dress.
His face looked dull, his eyes were red but he wore that smile on his face. I looked at him with disappointment and relief. I sat beside him asking a lot of questions without uttering a word. My eyes were enough to question him about everything. I held his hand in mine and he started looking at the other side of the room.
The reason of him being in the hospital was continuous use of drugs. That girl had never called him, it was just an illusion, and he had never stopped taking drugs. Yes he had stopped taking ketamine but at the same time he had started with LSD, A hallucinogen manufactured from lysergic acid, which is found in ergot, a fungus that grows on rye and other grains. He had bribed the doctor not to tell me about this. All his rapid emotional swings, his rational thinking, his communication skills with others was were the short-term effects of this. At that very moment I felt cheated, I felt helpless. I wasn’t able to take him out of that darkness.
I felt as if I had been into an illusion for so long. All the time spent with him wasn’t real, he wasn’t real, and nothing was real. I went to his room, sat beside him looked directly into his red yes and asked him what he wanted. His answer had never changed. He still wanted her and he would give all of it if he would have her. I couldn’t respond to his answer, I wanted to tell him that I am never going to leave his side but he didn’t wanted that and I didn’t have the courage to tell him all of it. I didn’t have the courage to tell him that I LOVE HIM.
Next day I had to hurry back to the hospital. He was in ICU. I don’t know what had happened. His mother was constantly crying and I had no option but yes to console her. At that particular moment I was shattered from inside but I couldn’t show it. The doctor came outside asking my name. In a surprised manner I raise my hand and went inside the room. With a swift voice he said “
I am sorry I let you down. I know you want a different future foe me. I know you want me out of this darkness but it’s not possible for me now. These darkness have grasped me so much so that it’s impossible for me to be out of it. I wanted to tell you this thing because you have destroyed all your dreams living mine. I am not going to change now, not for you, not for her and not for any other person. I want you to move ahead and live for my life has become useless now. Stop thinking about me and just live your life for I don’t want to waste another one’s life”
He had tears in his eyes. I was constantly staring him. I had no words to utter nor did I have tears in my eyes but I was determined of not leaving him now. I had decided I will stay with him in his darkness being a lightening lamp. Next morning I went to his room. The bed was empty. I couldn’t find his mother nor did he answer his phone. He was gone, his family was gone. He had left me. I waited for days, I searched for months but I couldn’t find him. It felt as if with a flash of second he had disappeared from my life giving me this regret that I couldn’t get him out of his darkness.
From that day is started living his dream to keep him alive in me. I began with his album and there is no stopping since then. All these awards, these achievements belong to him so that one day when he would miss me, remember me would come to me and I would hand him all of these, I would tell him how much he mean to me. Would acknowledge him and handover this fame, this “SUPERSTAR” tag because it is his and not mine.
In my every concert, in my every show my eyes search for him, because I believe that he would definitely come one day to take what belongs to him and that day I would get rid of this regret, that day I’d be proud to say that I saved him, I took him out of darkness maybe because I think seeing me would inspire him to touch the star that shines just above him.
I just want to inspire him to be the Superstar of his own life again.