Almost halfway through. Just five more letters to go. Who do you think she is? Leave a comment with the name of the girl you suspect!
Letter Number 5 – January 2016
Congratulations! With this letter you are halfway through. How do you feel? Overwhelmed? At least I am. I actually managed to write five letters to you, including this one, despite being sceptical about this whole thing in the beginning. But you know what? I never thought it would work this well. There is this remarkable change in me. I can actually feel that I am slowly going back to the state I was in before the horrible incident took place.
I had initially decided to write about it in this letter itself, but then I thought that I should at least give you some warning before simply telling you about it.
It took me almost a year to accept and believe that the thing had happened. It was the worst phase of my life. Each day my wish to die increased, but my parents held me back.
Not once did they allow me to slip away. They held me tight and made me realise that whatever happened wasn’t actually my fault. But I kept blaming myself, until one day I realised. I realised that there was nothing I could have done to stop it. Absolutely nothing.
It was on that very day that I decided that I would get better, no matter what and I listened to everything that my therapist wanted me to do. Hence, the letter therapy. I won’t confess about the incident in this letter Ryder. Before doing that you need to know a few other important things that are connected to the incident. Without knowing them, you won’t understand why I chose you. Without knowing you won’t understand why I thought you would be the only one who could have helped me. You and I are actually quite similar in certain ways. Both of us have suffered a great deal.
Remember that summer a year back? It changed everything for you didn’t it? That was the time when you changed completely. You had always been a quiet person. But whatever happened that summer changed you. You became cold, uncaring, distant and aggressive. How do I know? Well you used to talk to people before that. Yes, you were quiet, but you were friendly too. You smiled at people then, helped them when they needed it. Also, you were the best student in class. Everyone knew about you.
Well, that hasn’t changed. You are still pretty popular. But you changed. It was like you didn’t care about life anymore. It seemed that you went through each day with great difficulty.
Everyone was surprised to see that change in you, that is, until they heard what happened. It was the biggest news in the town. It made headlines for the next six months at least. The death of Adrian Jackson, your best friend. It had been a hit and run case, the papers said. Adrian had been returning home from your house, it stated. He had been crossing the road, when the car had come from nowhere and hit him. Instant death, they told us. No pain at all.
But what about the pain his death caused to the people who loved and cared for him? Could the killer have understood that? Could the killer have understood what you went through when you saw him being buried? No, it was impossible. I know how much Adrian had meant to you. We had all gone to school together right from elementary. You two were inseparable. Actually according to the girls in school, you two were the two most good looking boys in school! Both of you were so alike but so very different. I knew you then, but not as well as I know you now. But I knew Adrian very well. Everyone did.
He talked to all the people in school. Outgoing, charming and friendly, he had a long line of girls pining after him. He tutored me for math for a few months. That’s how I knew him. He had proved to be a great friend. It was through him that I got to know you better. In the short period that he tutored me, I had understood how deep your friendship ran. To have that one real friend to be ripped away from you so cruelly was something nobody can deal with. I wanted to comfort you, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t a close friend. I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
But you proved to be really strong Ryder, much stronger than I could ever be. You dealt with the grief really well. If I had been in your place, I’m not sure I would have dealt with it like you had, if I had been where you are now. I know losing Adrian broke you. You put up those walls around you. But I know how much you need a friend. I told you in one of my previous letters, that I can clearly see how much you need someone to be there for you. So here I am, volunteering to be that person. I can help you break down those walls, just like you helped me break mine. .
The problem of mine that I’ll mention in this letter is something you’ve been through as well. After what I went through, I had built a wall around myself too! I didn’t want anyone to get close to me. Because when you get close to someone and they leave you half way through, you break. So it seemed right to distance myself from the world.
If I had no one to care about, I would never get hurt. You think so too right? But it’s not true. In the end, all of us need a shoulder to cry on, someone to fall back on. No one can bear to be alone. And the funny thing is you were the one who helped me realise that.
You must be thinking “How can she be so sure about what I felt? She hasn’t been in my position.” And you are absolutely right in thinking that. I wouldn’t know what you felt because Adrian wasn’t my best friend. He wasn’t like a brother to me. But the thing is, even though I wasn’t that close to Adrian, I knew him well. And when someone you know so well dies just like that, it creates a hollow in your heart. Actually to some extent I think his death affected me slightly more than it affected you.
Why do I say that? Well, this brings me to my fifth confession Ryder. I saw it. I saw Adrian being hit by that car. I saw him get flung high up in the air and then hit the ground with a dull thud only seconds later. I saw it all happening Ryder, with my own two eyes.
I was there and I could do nothing about it.
But there was no photograph attached to this letter. That portion was left blank. But the place where she had signed as letter friend had a blot which had clearly been made by a stray teardrop.