I am bisexual. I finally accepted my true self. It felt like a lifetime had led up to that point. Every step, every thought, every effort, all led up to a single statement that would alter everything. Coming out was a voyage of self-discovery, acceptance, and, eventually, liberation. One evening, I asked my mom and papa to sit with me. My heart was racing, my hand were shaking, there was constant sweat on my forehead.

The air in the room was thick with expectation, as if it sensed the gravity of the truth about to be disclosed. I inhaled deeply and let the words flow, my voice barely above a whisper. “Mumma, Pappa, I am Bisexual.” They were in shock for twenty minutes. No word from them; just silence in the room.

As my parents pondered what I had just said, seconds felt like hours. My mother’s sobs broke the stillness gradually but steadily. She stretched out, tightly grabbing my hand, her eyes filled with love and worry. “Ashu, don’t worry, we love you no matter what; you will still be our son. Yes,  it’s hard to process, but we are here for you.”

My father, who had hitherto remained silent, cleared his throat and looked at me with a mix of perplexity and understanding. “It will take a while for us to fully grasp this, but we love you.” We will always be available for you. Never feel alone, bacha.” A great weight was removed from my shoulders at that moment, and it was replaced with a sense of relaxation and acceptance. I was afraid of losing my family and my support system, yet their love got stronger. The weeks that followed were filled with endless talks, questions, and tears, but we became closer as a family through it all.

Coming out to an orthodox Indian family, who were always homophobic, was not an easy thing for me at all. But it was only the beginning of my journey; it was not the conclusion. It instilled renewed confidence in me, allowing me to accept my genuine self without apology. I felt a bit more liberated and a little more real with each person I spoke my truth to.

 

Ashutosh Joshi

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