She stood there, did not cry, no tears, no emotions; she could only see how much has changed in what seemed to be a very short time

Eight years ago, she was just a girl in college, in her late teens, trying to figure out life and career. That’s when he came chasing her, making her fall in love. Until then, she was foreign to the idea of love. She was the clown of her friend group, making others laugh; she was the mother of her friend group, letting others come to her for any sorrow; she was the brain of her friend group, helping everyone with whatever she can. What she was not was that she was never the relationship advisor. But after his entry, everything changed. She became more soft, more relaxed with the idea of being in love, being loved, being cherished. She never thought she was ever capable of feeling all these.

Two years into the relationship and she understood, this is not going to be a bed of roses. It’s going to be war. He isn’t exactly the him she thought to be, but he still loved her with all he had, and that was her only string of hope. She stood by that. For his love, for his commitment, she stood by, never wanting to “disappoint” a boy who loved her passionately. 

Fast forward to 2021, it is the pandemic era. Everyone are stuck at home. Few started working from office, but most were anxious and panicked towards everything. She was one among them. Her anxiety never stopped. She was worried about her old father, her family and everyone around her. To add fuel to that fire, she got sick with the deadly virus. She was struggling with her mental and physical health, and that’s when he started gradually leaving her hands which once he held so tight that they had wrist marks all over. He started leaving her because a new girl introduced herself to him, his office colleague, a girl few years younger than both of them. The girl was optimistic, young, passionate and full of youthful energy, unlike her, who is drowning in anxiety and panic. So yes, the new one was the better choice by all means. He convinced himself slowly but he still did not leave her completely. He held on to her, not quite tightly, he held on not leaving her, at the same time not quite holding her the way she knows how he used to. She started getting into a depressive zone because ofcourse the changes in him are evident but she could not put a finger on what exactly has changed. She trusted him with all that she had and never in her worst nightmares did she think he will be involved with another girl. 

They fought regularly during these days. She was drowning and drowning into deep depression everyday until one day she could not take it anymore. She stopped talking to him, she thought it would give him some space, some understanding . Maybe it would help her also with some perspective because she was blaming it all on herself continuously, because she considered him someone incapable of doing anything wrong, because she grew up listening to everyone telling how clumsy she is with anything she does. She couldn’t help but blame herself for everything that went wrong in her life.  But all it did was to give him more leverage, more reasons to leave her. He left her, once and for all; and she did not know, she did not know she was being left by the one she loved for the past 7.5 years. 

She tried to contact him. She tried to be in touch and that’s when he told her about all these, about how another girl from his office trapped him into an illicit affair. She being the protective one she is (and the dumb one she is) tried with all her might to make him hers, to help him come out of it, help him out of this “trap”. But all it did was give him more and more reasons to justify his and his new girl’s behavior. His family thrashed her, he spoke mean words to her; she still stood strong because she wanted to “protect” him. But finally one day, she realized it’s of no use, so she decided to meet him one last time, close it, close the relationship she built with her blood, sweat and tears, yes, close it forever. 

They met at their favorite cafe. Ironically, he was crying, she was not. She stood strong because she did not want to emotionally manipulate his decisions. He wanted to be with the new girl because he would not have gone to a second woman had the first woman being capable, yes, that’s what he said. They sat there and spoke for hours, he cried, never apologized, but cried. She listened. 

Every memory in that cafe was special to them. The cappuccino, the strawberry-orange mocktail, the English breakfast, the chamomile tea, the interiors of the cafe, the incessant number of photos they took everytime they visited the cafe and the choco-fudge brownie he always buys for her as a takeaway during the billing; every single thing was special. But not anymore. He billed and was waiting to go out while she stood there, without crying, no tears, no emotions; she could only see how much has changed in what seemed to be a very short time, less than a year. An eight-year long relationship crumbled down in less than a year infront of her eyes. She could not do anything but watch, watch everything she built go down.  

They had become strangers from whatever they were before. She couldn’t label that relationship anymore. She could not see the world the same anymore. Everything has changed.