“I wish this wasn’t the last page but my hands are tired of writing in this book called life” This line made me emotional, actually one of my classmate committed suicide,she always used to quite and never talk to anyone in the class. we guys used to think that she has ego that’s why she never talked to us but reality is totally different from what we we used to think.Today I’m shattered to see her diary.I want to share her story with you guys but before that I want to say if you ever feel that someone is suffering from depression ,please talk to them .So I’m just sharing her diary page with you guys.
01 nov 2022
Hey diary, you’re my bestfriend forever as you know since childhood I love to share my emotions with you, not because I have none because I know that everyone is just disappear when I need them so it’s good that I don’t have expectations from anyone. By the way I wanna to say you that I’m feeling lonely to see my college classmates and their groups.I have few person, who use to treat me like a toy when they need me they talk softly otherwise they ignore me. You know I always used to give my 100% effort to make a friend who understand me and not only tell me to stop doing overthink but also help me to reduce my overthinking but I ended with having no friend. wait wait…I have a friend who is also my classmate I think I’m attach with him we use to share our problems with eachother . okay diary bye keep it secret.
Wtf Wait.. what? she used to talk with someone in my class .who was him ?why she never sited with him even she never talked to him in my class ? what’s wrong going on here okay let’s read another page.
I’m feeling bad. I don’t know why no one talk to me.. I always help others I have lots of problems which I want to share with anyone, who’ll understand this?Let’s wakeup girl there’s no one for you but why? why I have no friend why none use to talk with me like I want to do.why everyone left the at my worst, but it’s okay I’m fighter I’ll fight.
Finally I’m focusing on myself, doing walk. Today he calls me I want to ignore his call,but I didn’t. I talked to him now I think I’m attacking with him .Even though I know he is not a good friend . It’s totally about 1 year but I never understood him and sometime he ignore me and some time do care. I’m fuccking addicted with him I don’t know what’ll happen. I always help him but he started giving priority to another friends he has no time for me.
Today I messaged him that why are you ignoring me and if not then are you okay? He told me wrong he said that he is suffering from fever and I am doubting on him and same time he was sharing party pics with my hostelmet’s Snapchat as I’m anti social person so I don’t use Snapchat but my hostelmet shows me this and it’s hurt.
Finally I didn’t msg him within these 20 days but sadly he also didn’t msg me but share snap with my hostelmets and it hurts me so I decided to msg him and I find that I’m blocked by him on WhatsApp when I asked for reason he told that I’m hurting him I’m showing him attitude . Really what the fuck ,he’s suffering from mental problem fucking boy I’m suffering I can’t share my problems to anyone because I have none other than him and he did this to me.I am totally broken but I’m focusing on myself.
I’m feeling bad I think I should talk to him and ask about proper reason.I messaged me from another number call him but he ignored.I am losing my self-respect.
Day by day I was moving on but today I feel like I should talk to him because he was my friend then he will understand my situation.
I messaged him that give me proper reason or pickup my call,you are okay, aren’t you.After 20 calls he messaged me that he doesn’t want talk to me it’s over.Today I lost my mom who’s suffering from cancer from last 2 years she always used to support me.I haven’t anyone now because after my mom there’s none in my family who support me I don’t talk to my father because of my childhood trauma I can’t tell about this in detail to you diary.Once again I called him because I want to share my feelings with someone and I have none except him so I called him and messaged him that listen I’ll die please just listen to me talk to me only 15 min I need your help I’m dealing with depression please I need to talk .He replied me just fuck off I haven’t time.I am totally broken I helped him in his worst and he left me in his best.Everyone say that I do overthink but can’t a overthink er get a listener just like the sky needs the moon.I think I’m too good for this cruel world because when I met with anyone I was happy and then those persons left me with depression, anxiety and panic attacks.My only mistake was that I trusted him I cared about him,I loved him with all I had and I’m still suffering.It’s like first he showed me the heaven to throw me back into hell.I never understand he always used to ignore me when he stabbed knife in our friendship I thought that he need time and still I end up with this thinking that he care about me.I am feeling that line “they’re strangers when they met and they’re strangers when they left .I wanted to text him that for you it never began but for me it’ll never end.Now I want to know my answers to God ,so I’m going to say bye to this cruel world I think Atlast I’m free.