Has anyone ever discouraged you from doing something even when deep inside you knew how to do it? Has a simple phrase by someone affected you so much so that you straight away become aimless, lifeless and alone? What if that person was someone real close to you? What if that person made you hate yourself? What if you lost yourself by being someone else? What if you wanted to end your life straight away? What if you had a thought of killing someone?
What if that person never realized what he/she did to you? Would you forgive him/her? What would you do to get yourself back? What if all these things that the person did to you was because of a mere jealous factor? What if he/she was taking an Unknown Revenge that even they were not aware of?
A revenge which came as naturally as it could. A revenge that wasn’t a game but some thoughts that made someone else’s life hell.
A revenge because he/she couldn’t resist someone else being praised. Because that person had a superiority complex. And it’s her/his unknown revenge that brought darkness within her and around the souls she had.
I don’t know what you would have done if you were in a situation like this. I don’t know what I would have done. I don’t even have any idea if something like this would ever happen to me or you or anyone else in this world.
But the question is why am I asking these things? Why am I so curious to know these answers from you? Well it’s because I want someone to know that she’s not alone in this. Because I want her to know that some people do care. Because I want her to read this story and get herself back. I want her to know that “If we are all alone, then we are all together in that too.”
Nobody has ever hurted me so much so as she did and if I’ll tell you all the things she told or dictated you’ll hate her as well. You know writer I never felt this low in my life and some of her phrases still haunt me and I go mad. I thought sharing it with you would be good because the more I try and explain it to my friends the more they think that I’m not letting her go out of my mind or heart. They think my sharing memories of her would make me go back to her but that’s not the case. I am strong enough to let her go but what’s difficult is to get me back.
I looked in the mirror and smiled, I was looking pretty. She had done something with my hair and eyes and had made me wore the latest one piece we got. I was looking like an elegant lady of 90’s and trust me I really felt being beautiful that day until she said,” See I can make anyone look beautiful”
She can make anyone look beautiful? What was she trying to say? I didn’t knew it then and I don’t know it now, all I know was she made me feel terrible that day. For the very first time in my life I thought that I wasn’t beautiful, for the very first time I felt ugly, for the very first time somebody just pushed a dragger straight into my heart making me criticize god for creating me.
This was not the only thing she told me writer. She said I am selfish. Because I preferred my family over her. Because I couldn’t take her stand when my mother was blaming her for the depression pills I was been given. Because of all the right things my mother told her. Because she being a very close friend of mine couldn’t realize what she was doing with me but my mother could. Tell me writer won’t you stand by your family when they are absolutely right?
“You are not a good writer, you should write like me” fuck I am not a good writer? What do you know about writing? And who told you to read mine.
My writings are for me to read, it’s not for anyone else to judge but she did. After getting praised from everyone that I write really well, she was the first one to tell me I am not. And guess what writer I believed her and I stopped writing.
“You are not interested in literature, you just think you are. You don’t have that spark in you”. Well what kind of spark is needed to be interested in something?
Was there a set of rules which could tell how exactly one can have a spark in them? It was my wish what to read, when to read and write not hers. I should have followed what I wanted to do but instead I followed her and I stopped my interest in literature. The one thing I always wanted to learn but in my way not by someone who did not know what she wanted to do.
“You shouldn’t hang out with those friends of yours, they don’t have a future” well who was she to decide that all my friends had no future? Was she a future predictor or a tarot card reader? Well from where I see I know my friends have far better future than hers and I know I never showed them or took a stand for them but if you read my heart writer I know my beliefs are true to full extent.
“You should stop running after people especially him” well I wasn’t running after anyone, I was running away from you. I used to make plans so that I could stay away from her. But eventually I stopped running after people as well. I was left alone without a single soul besides me. I had stopped laughing and I had stopped crying. What I used to do was sit alone, look at the sky and wonder nothing. Her words were getting true. I was doing nothing because she said I could do nothing.
“You shouldn’t talk with your mother too much, you should study, she wastes your time.” I know no soul in the world would do something against their parents or even hurt them intentionally but I did. I stopped talking with my mother and this is one of the regrets I’d never get rid of. I don’t know what she had done to me. I don’t know why I had become so dependent on her. I don’t know why I listened to her so much. I don’t know how I had become her puppet.
“You don’t know how to cook, you are the worst one in household work, and it’s a shame that your parents didn’t teach you a thing. I have to do your mother’s work being younger than you” well yeah I don’t know all these things because I had other important things to do. Yeah my parents didn’t teach me all this because I was treated like a princess. And I know this isn’t the time to fuss about all these stupid things because I know it won’t take me much time to learn but who the hell was she to tell me these things. To talk about my parents and dictate their love for me as a shame.
“You would never be a good wife because you can never keep a house together” tell me one thing writer was this a thing to say? I mean I am not a type of girl who fantasies about a husband or a house. I never even thought for a slightest of a second how good I would be as a wife or something like that. But as I said she made be believe it. She made be believe all the things she said. And she won’t just say it once or twice, she would say it every single day.
“I was envious of you that day when you wore that traditional, you were looking pretty” envious? From me? Because I was looking better than her. Because everyone praised me. Because everyone loved me.
This is how she took her revenge. Whenever people praised me for something, she made me believe that I was not good at it. When people complimented me that I was a good dancer she told me I wasn’t that good. Whenever someone told me that I have quite a writing skill she told me I did not had it. Whenever somebody admired my voice, she would come up with thousands of mistakes that would stop me from singing. She told me I wasn’t perfect but who is? If we all loved perfect things than why do we admire the mountains or the sky who are imperfect? We all have some things we are good at and at some we are worst but that’s what makes us different, that’s what makes us to be loved. Whenever I tried doing something she told me I won’t be able to do it and when I stopped doing it she would ask me to do it. She wanted to take credit of every achievement I would make. And as far as I know her she would still take all the credit. She would tell people she made me but if we talk about the truth she can never make anyone. But I didn’t wanted her to do that so eventually I stopped doing everything. I didn’t write, I didn’t dance, I didn’t study and I didn’t talk. I made myself a puppet and threw myself into the darkness. A darkness she was always surrounded from. A darkness which I wanted to get away from her life but instead she made me a part of it.
I was surrounded by so much of the darkness that I pulled out a knife from the kitchen and I cut my wrist but just when a drop of blood fell on the ground my mother called. I couldn’t cut my hand seeing her name flash on the screen. I couldn’t punish her for my mistakes. I picked up my phone and talked with her with all the love and affection which was lost in past few months. But I couldn’t get rid of the knife from my hand. As soon as I was done talking with my mother, I looked at the knife and I tried killing that girl who was responsible for all of this. I was about to stab her from my very own hands. She was asleep and I would have killed her that very instant but I didn’t. There was something that stopped me. Maybe I wasn’t surrounded my darkness from all sides. Maybe there was some light left within me to rise and shine. I stood and I chose the light. I choose the love of my mother. It was her who bought me to light again. I looked at her sleeping face and shouted inside “this was enough.” Now it was time to cut the strings that she was holding. I wasn’t a puppet and I wasn’t alone. I had myself with me. I had my parents with me. I had my friends who genuinely cared for me. It was high time to turn the tables. The time had come to break free from the chains. I had been in the darkness long enough. Now was the time to be the lamp of my own path. Now it was time to end her UNKNOWN REVENGE.
I took a pen out and wrote everything that she did to me and then I looked in the mirror staring straight into my eyes. I ran away from her at once to the person who knew me the best “My mother”. I stated everything and I cried. Tears won’t stop that day. And then I was pampered and I was loved again. I was told about all the achievements I had made. For every taunt of hers, my friends and family had an example to prove her wrong. And it was their belief that I got some lightning back into my life.
Every day I would sit idly without speaking with anyone. It was not at all easy to even start getting me back. I was shattered, I was broken. And I read these quotes on net “Don’t get scared, get started” and I did. I started meeting my friends. I started talking with people. I started sharing things with my close ones. Not everything at once but only some small part of it. I started listening to the optimistic values. But all these things didn’t brought me back. My efforts were getting futile. I was losing hope again and again. But as they say to climb and reach the stars you need to fall down and look exactly how high it lies. I fell down more than once but I didn’t stop trying.
The thing that was stopping me to succeed wasn’t her, it was me. I had to fight with my own self. I started doing things I loved the most. I started writing again. I started dancing again and I started being with the ones who knew me the best. I started listening to the people who were sadder than me so that I could know my worries were nothing in front of their miseries. I helped people so that I could help myself.
Since that day writer I have never seen her face and I would never do that. For I know this one simple thing.
“Every day she is the one who misses me, she’s the one who now knows my worth. She’s the one who would do anything to get me back but I won’t let her dominate me again. I won’t melt now because I am far stronger than her. I am not her and that’s what makes me different. I know how to stand again when I fall down and rise and it doesn’t take much while to do so. All you have to do is close your eyes and say that you can do anything. You just need to believe in the belief you have for there is one thing that would always remain with you “Your belief “
So don’t think twice when you feel like doing something notorious, don’t pull back your hands when you get a chance to help someone, don’t forget to smile seeing a stranger for when you’ll help them you’ll be helping a part of yourself.”
It’s not difficult to rise and shine in this world you just need to know that there is nothing in this world which you can’t do for there are uncountable rays of sun that fall upon us so if the stars can shine because of them even each and every one of us can.
Dear writer I know you are the only one who’ll be able to share this because if the next time when someone dominates the former person he/she should know that they would be calling their own destruction for the one who is right will always find a way to shine….