The empty showroom began to close in on me. I felt suffocated. My eyes travelled to the clock and my heart skipped a beat! It was past closing time; I had to get out of here!
I ran past the staring mannequins, picking up my lehenga, handling my dupatta. I was annoyed by the stupid wedding dress they had put on me. I had been unable to even say anything.
The showroom door was locked and I stood staring at the dim lights of the corridor outside. The shopping mall had closed for the day.
I was too late!
I turned around to find the mannequins staring hard at me. As I stared back they seem to appear larger and I could even swear I saw one take a step towards me.
My heart beat wildly in my chest as I looked around for something to break the door open. Nothing came to my aid and I had to seek the last resort.
Taking a few steps backwards, I banged hard into the door. I heard the lock give away a little. I repeated the process for three more times and the lock finally gave way.
I was out!
I hurried towards the escalator. Just as I had expected, it wasn’t working. I ran downstairs in my lehenga, wondering what I looked like right now. All the showroom doors were closed, the lights out and the huge mannequins staring.
I climbed down one more escalator and finally reached the ground floor. I had to find the exit. I wondered who made a huge mall like this, where little ones like me could get lost.
The eerie silence of the building began to creep me out. I could hear faint rustles behind me as I ran around looking for the exit. I finally found one and sighed in relief.
Sunlight began pouring into the mall. It was morning.
I hurried back to the showroom; someone would come looking for me I was sure. I entered through the door and stood next to the huge lady mannequin in a lehenga. Just as I adjusted myself, the lock on the door clicked open.
The lights of the showroom turned on. I looked at the showroom owner and smiled.
“Mum I want to wear that for the wedding,” shouted a little girl, holding her mother’s hand and jumping up and down.
She was pointing at me as all I could do was give her the smile pasted on my face.
Login with Google
The story was excellent when it came to visual descriptions.
However I feel it needs some context, so the plot is fulfilled and the ending makes more sense.
For instance, how did the main character end up in this situation?
Where are her parents or friends?
How does the sun rise so fast and how did the mom and the girl enter the shop with the owner as it was opening?
Why, if the main character found the exit, did she go back into the store she was lost in?
A suggestion I would have is if the main character was a vampire stuck in the building who was trying to escape, but since it was morning, she had to rush back into the store until it set again. This would clear most of these questions and add more context and imagination to pour into the reader to fulfil his short reading. Vampires are also as horrific as they come 😉