It all started with a couple of sleepless nights, after getting back from college it was raining, the clock ticked 7’o down. The weekend had been a whirlwind and I was drained; however, I couldn’t fall asleep. The entire place was empty, all covered with sounds of whiff that could whisper to my solitude. With time the city slept miraculously and that exacerbated anxiety through my veins, there would be a hellish price to pay in the morning, what’s wrong with me?
I remained reclined, this is now usual two nights in a row – anxiety that came out unwanted and left me nocturnal.The next day appeared with burned eyelids and fatigue, my incomplete assignment seized my attention and I casually unseen that, I was vulnerable. I googled what if someone just stop sleeping forever, and manifested the realm, scared myself to death with descriptions of hallucinations and dementia.
I hate monsoon, and those who fantasies it. A cottony blue sky of hope turned black, extinguished, darkness encroached, skeletal lines of the concrete buildings infused me with a sense of doom. Depression – the grisly invader that slowly turning me into a vicious culprit.
I opened Spotify and played Ludwig Beethoven, hoping the symphony could save me, but you could tell it was a worst move, it shook me a cruel reminder that it wasn’t the sunlit cozy winter it all remained drenched.
I sat there a little too long with a cup of coffee, the radio was too fuzzy, just like my thoughts resisting upon each other. Every sip of made me edgy, dizzy more guilt ridden, I dropped a message to my psychiatrist, probably my last option. The minutes crawled by like slush.
I opened Pinterest, maybe some low-key motivation might work? while scrolling I glanced at a poem line, “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering” by Friedrich Nietzsche.
The next morning my psychiatrist told me it was depression, that was visible clearly on my face right away. Further, it was time for more tablets to come up on my way; My twenties are a subliminal part of me that keep struggling within me was circumstantial.
After a long stretch I wake up next to the alarm, and the radiant light coming out of the slightly lopsided white curtains, felt like a wave of relief it was January. I felt back to myself, depression in the rearview again but I stride through my journey now taking each movement vivaciously.
I plugged out my earphones and entered the classroom with a smile.