This story is one of the disturbing kinds. It’s also about life and how tough it can be for some people. I don’t know what you will make of this story because it’s really depressing.
“This is why I ask you to quit reading that nasty stories,” Said Mark for the twelfth time handing over coffee to Reagan.
“This is so sad Mark. How can life be so tough for a person,” Reagan said passing her fingers over the pages again.
“Calm down Sweetie! Books are to be read and forgotten. Don’t take them to heart. It’s Friday night and I’m in all spirits to have a bash over the weekend with you,” Mark slid his hand over Reagan’s waist and pulled her closer.
“No Mark! Reagan pulled away from him. I’m very somber. Poor soul Jordan. Life never played a fair game with her.”
“Who is Jordan? The girl in the book?”
“Yeah! Read it for yourself. I bet you will feel sad for her too.”
“Me? I have never cried or felt gloomy reading a book. It’s not simply because I’m male and we don’t do stuff like that, I have cried watching films though, but I guess I don’t engage with literature that way.”
“Mark! For heaven’s sake, are you going to read it or not?” said Reagan with folded hands and a stubborn look.
“Why will I not, when my beautiful princess commands me to?” said Mark with a wink taking the book from Reagan and kissing her lightly on her lips.
Mark opened the book and started reading.
I can’t deal with this anymore. Everyday is the same. I get physically abused, mentally tortured and emotionally subjugated. What have I done wrong? Why won’t anybody help me?
You want to know my name? Well! I wanted to know it too. As a child I was called by different names like bitch, slut, tart etc and my little brain began assuming happily that theyare all my names. I was happy with those names and never found fault, because I never knew what they meant. But the only problem I had was, to choose which of those suited me best. Nobody ever stopped calling me those names, so I eventually felt all those names were made just for me.
One winter night I was examining certain physical growths in my body. Those, that every girl experiences once puberty hits. I did not know it was usual because nobody ever told me about it. The door of the hall way suddenly opened and it was my father along with his dirty looking drunk friends. He stormed at the door so hard that it almost came out with hinges.
“Jordan!” I heard my father howl at the high of his voice.
“Jordan! It’s you I’m calling bitch.” I heard him howl again and it was then that I realized my name was Jordan. That was the first and the last time I heard my name on my father’s lips. I turned towards him.
“Get back to your room right now. I don’t want to see your bloody filthy face,” He struck me on face so hard that I stared in horror at the imprint his bony fingers had left across my smooth cheek. “Get back to your room, now,” At this, all his friends began laughing and they too started calling me names.
I felt so ashamed. The humiliation hit in the pit of my stomach and even before I realized it, I saw myself standing there with tears rolling down my cheeks just like the cheap alcohol flowing down their throats. Turning my embarrassed face off them, I ran towards my room. As I ran away from them, I could sense their gazes upon my body. Not upon me, but upon my body. I went in and slept on the floor. It felt like sleeping on an ice berg. In spite of it, I fell asleep almost immediately. I woke up in the middle of the night and noticed a shiver in my legs. The room
was still dark and the floor seemed damp. Touching the floor, I sensed it watery. Where did this water come from? I turned on the light to clean the floor and almost fainted at what I saw. I was in a pool of blood. I shivered with eeriness. I have never seen such a great amount of blood before. Blots of blood oozed and trickled down my thin thighs. I pursed my lips in an attempt to stop myself from screaming. But my whole body screamed out the
strong stench of alcohol and men sweat. I’m torn apart.
I felt a great pain in my abdomen. I felt weak and scared and completely clueless of what to do, I sat on the pool of blood wishing my body could suck it back. My thoughts kept flowing so as the blood down my thighs. The stench of the blood was fresh as it dripped into the ground. I found a ring sparkling bright in the bloody pool as though mocking at me. I picked it up and took a close look. It was then that I realized. Yeah! It was my Dad’s wedding ring.
I felt my girlhood shattered. But as pathetic as I was, I pretended nothing happened and continued to live. I did not cry, I did not protest. I evaded the thought of killing myself because I decided to toughen up. It wasn’t my fault though.
It never occurred to me to inform it to my mother. But that did not mean that she did not observe the change in me. She was always in a drunken state and often forgot to return home. She often reminded me that I’m nothing more than a sanitary napkin to her that is needed only during those three dirty days of month. Those three days for her are the days when my grandpa pays visit to give my monthly allowance. Needless to say I never got a chance to use it for myself.
My mother was a violent woman and had bad reputation. Those who knew her called her “The snake” because she couldn’t be trusted. Perhaps, it was due to her nickname that she decided to get a tattoo of a large serpent on her back. Even from then, I hated anybody with a tattoo on their body. Many times she wished I was never born. As time went on, her behavior grew worse and I began to hate her more and more. There were always needles on the floor, Drugs being brought into the house all the time. Sometimes my mother even forgot to cook and I had to go to others houses to ask for food. Gradually, I lost my friends too.
Years rolled by and my suffering never ceased. I realized its ok to be 16 and never be kissed.
It’s ok if you are not graduated from college by 22. But all my ok’s are nothing but mere fake. I always wanted to be kissed and wanted to taste the true love. People who have been hurt before know how I feel. Thinking about everything I have lived through, everyone who has left me, harmed me or put me down, I realize everything that happened was for a reason. If those things would not have happened, I would have never met Damin.
Perhaps, my ill fate was engrossed in something more important than tormenting me and it was during those rare precious moments Damin Keffler stepped into my life. Damin was 5 years elder to me. That day he looked straight into my eyes and asked me for marriage. I jumped out with joy. It all seemed like a fairy tale, Yes! When you are in love it feels as though you’re living in a fairy tale.
The prince or princess of your dreams has chosen you and you are going to spend the rest of your lives together happily.
That night before wedding, Damin and I sat on the shore staring at the waves. He brought along my wedding gown and assured his help in getting me dressed up as bride. Yeah! Pity me! I have no friends even to dress me up. But the very idea of becoming Damin’s wife was tremendously felicitous and I could hardly wait to end my dark life and begin a fresh new life with him. At the same moment I’m scared too. Scared of my past. Scared that it would
take Damin away from me. I tried to avoid it as one would avoid rattlesnakes and earthquakes. But it haunted me like a desperate ghost. I wanted to empty myself. So far neither of us said much out loud, but almost as if our minds are communicating, I turned my head and almost like it’s scripted, he turned his head to let his eyes meet mine.
After a moment, I sat up and looked out past the horizon.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked studying my serious expression. I opened up my past to Damin and he listened quietly. Leaving no single detail, I narrated him the incidents of my life including how I had to hide my blood stained skirt in the closet to veil my father’s villainy. But who am I hiding his villainy from? The whole world knew his beastly traits. But my heart loved him, for he is my Daddy.
Damin let out a small laugh, but his laugh faded into a smile when he looked into my eyes.
“Jordan! When I saw you for the first time, something within me told me that you had a dark past. Now that you have revealed everything, I understand your past was not just dark but darker. Nothing of your past is going to change, so is my love for you. Now my love is added with responsibility to give you a blissful life.”
“Tonight has been perfect Jordan. But I forgot one thing,” he said.
“What did you forget?” I asked confused.
“Think about it. It’s a beautiful night, the stars are out, and I’m spending it with the most beautiful and perfect girl I’ve ever met,” he continued, “And every time I look at her, I fall in love all over again,” he started to lean in slowly. “But I forgot one thing that I must do or I’ll go crazy,” he said leaning closer “A Kiss.”
He pressed his soft, warm lips over my trembling cold lips and kissed with a passion that I never tasted before. That moment I realized that my unreasonable hope was finally yielding fruits.
Years passed in the blink of an eye.
The sun was out and sky was clear making it seem it’s the best day for anything. Lee and Damin went out for a morning walk as I began preparing breakfast. After about a couple of hours, I was setting the table and Damin’s car drove in.
Lee entered the living room and through the corner of the eye, I could notice Lee completely drenched in sweat. That’s too much sweat for a morning walk though. Perhaps they had some tough burning workouts too.
“Lee! Go call your brother. Tell him if he’s not here in two minutes, the dog gets his breakfast” I said with a wink knowing how mad it makes Damin when I bring dog to the eating place.
But Lee didn’t make a move. He stood there with a constant gaze fixed on his eyes. He was looking at everything except me. In spite of the cool breeze coming from the window, he was still sweating and seemed restless. He wiped sweat off his forehead with his sleeve and came closer to me. I sensed something odd in his movements. He told me something in whispers that I collapsed to the floor. Holding my head with both hands, I sat motionless numb to the surrounding. His words buzzed in my head, repeated over and over again.
Minutes changed to hours as I sat against the wall without spilling a word, and hours passed, distant screams of alarms coming and turning back to silence. After which seemed like so many hours I got up and composed myself. All the experiences of my past made me stronger than I thought I was. I decided upon what I should immediately do. I dressed carefully in a pink striped skirt and a white blouse, Damin had purchased for me when we bought our first house.
For some reason, I looked rather distinguished and under control as we left the house and I looked around for a last time, as though expecting to see Damin.
As we drove to the hospital in silence, my thoughts raced towards the emptiness that’s ready to creep into my life alongside his departure. Not yet. He is alive. My Damin is still alive. We walked up the steps and took the elevator to the third floor and asked to see the doctor on duty. Doctor said nothing of any import changed. Damin was brain dead, and he would remain that way forever, and only their machine was keeping him alive at the moment. Sustaining him on machines would only means tormenting him. So, I agreed with the doctor’s advice to give him a peaceful sleep without those noisy, disturbing machines.
Facing the doctor, I said, “I want to be there when you…. When….” My voice quivered and I could not finish the sentence. The doctor nodded understanding. He too, just like many doctors had been through this situation dozens of time before, but somehow he seemed to be not hardened to it yet.
As I entered the room, Damin was lying on the bed. He looked peaceful as he lay sleeping there. His hair was clean and eyes were closed. His hands lay at his sides and I reached out and took one. I brought his hand to my lips and kissed his fingers, just like the way he would kiss me every single morning.
“I love you, Damin. I always did, and always will…. Soon enough we will reunite for we are one, and death is just the beginning of a new journey”. I could sense the uncontrollable tears falling down my cheeks, wishing that everything could be different that he could live a long, long time, and that nothing had changed. “My darling boy…” I whispered. Regardless of fifteen years of our marriage, he still loved it when I called him ‘Boy’. “Sleep peacefully, my darling boy,” I whispered for the last time and looked expectantly at the doctor. I continued to hold his hand and the machines were turned off. Quietly and peacefully, holding my hand in his death, Damin Keffler stopped breathing.
For a long moment, I closed my eyes and then kissed his lips. I touched his face and body as much as I could. I looked at his face for a very, very long time, trying to imprint that last look on my heart forever. Slowly I walked outside blinded by tears. I thought of the love that had bonded Damin and me as one for most of our lives. Love can sometimes be like a magic in a fairytale. At the same time love can be an illusion too. But now I only think of Damin Keffler because at the end of the day we are all humans, drunk on the idea, that love and only love
can heal our brokenness.
“Mark! Can you drop me at the church? Damin always say that God heals the broken hearts.”
Mark looked at Reagan with a smirking smile. “My love for you is stronger than fate Reagan. I’m not going to depart from you. The two basic motivating forces fear and love are always with me, but my love always surpasses my fear which eventually makes me strongly believe that I will never be departed from you.”