Michi decides to fight back! 


The resort was beautiful. It all seemed so dream like that I felt like I could finally die in peace. Maybe God heard this even though I was talking to myself. I was standing in the balcony of our hotel room and admired the beauty in front of me the doorbell rang. I turned around to get the door and saw a lovey-dovey couple in the balcony next to ours.

We smiled at each other and I made my way back into the house. Fin was probably inside the bathroom so I hurried and opened the door only to discover a very nostalgic face. Em? What was she doing here?

                                                                                                . . .

I am Michi. I passed school, got a job, never went to college, fell in love with Fin who was my senior, got married and now here I am in Japan for my honeymoon, somewhere near Osaka. Oh and just one more thing; I lost my voice as a child.

                                                                                                . . .

Em was my senior too. Fin and Em were classmates and really close friends. Some even thought that they were going out till I got together with him. But why was Em here?

Em stood at the doorway and smiled at me. “May I come in?” she asked politely. I nodded and let her in and closed the door. Fin came from the bedroom and exclaimed with joy.

“Oh my Em! How are you was the journey tiring?” Em got up and hugged Fin. And they hugged for quite some time. Enough to make me feel sick. “I called her here” Fin looked at me with an amused expression. This was the first time I had seen him this way.

Something was off and all I wanted to do now was go back home. “Won’t you ask why?” Fin laughed out loud at the stupid joke and Em joined her.

“Come on don’t be so mean to her” Em hit him softly and extended her hand towards me. “Let’s sit down and talk this through shall we?”

I did not take her hand but sat down on the bed. Fin took a chair from the little dining table in the room and Em sat down beside me with her arm around my shoulder.

“So let’s start shall we?” Fin clapped his hands and bend forward really close to my face.

“I don’t love you”

What did he mean? I might have seemed really lost at that time. My arms and legs felt like jelly and I felt like throwing up. Coming all the way here after so many things and then stepping into this sick joke was a too much to take in. But I could see that this was really happening. Fin was a changed man and all I could do was listen quietly like a good girl.

“It was just our fate to end up like this. But I will tell you why this happened. It started when we became friends” Fin got up and started pacing in the room. “I found you cute and thought that you were a nice girl so I was extra sweet to you, also probably because you were dumb, I felt sorry for you. But then you fell in love with me. You told everyone about your little crush and people started flocking me. Marry her! Oh please date her! She is a really nice girl. But I did not feel about you the same way so I ignored them. Then things started getting out of control.

They started threatening me. “Don’t you dare make her cry! You must marry her” they told me. I refused of course but I could see how the whole situation was turning out to be. Their eyes turned cold.

The teachers stopped helping me out. “So you were just playing with her” the headmaster called me and said to me one day. I told him that we never dated and were just friends but no one would listen. At last I thought to give it a try. But I realized soon enough that I could not love you that way.”

“You practically ruined the boy’s life Michi” Em turned to me with a serious face. “You have no idea what it feels like to get stuck with someone you don’t want to.

“Yes you ruined me. Actually… it wasn’t your fault either. They ruined us. After I started dating you one thing got crystal clear. I could not back out now. Those people would have made my life a living hell if I did. So what was I supposed to do?” Fin looked at me with painful eyes. I had never known that so much was going on behind the scenes. I did not know that Fin had been suffering so much… because of me. There were so many things I wanted to say. ‘You could have told me at least once’ or ‘You could have at least given me a hint that you were not interested’.

On the contrary Fin had always acted to be happy. Was he afraid of hurting me? Or was he afraid of me? I would have explained the situation to everyone if he would have let me. But now that I think about it maybe that also might not have been good enough. Looking at Fin looking at me with those eyes I could see that the situation had turned into a mess before any of knew. There was no way out of this, out of this ‘society’.

I sat there with my head down and Em got up silently and started fiddling for something inside her bag. Fin came and stood in front of me, bent down and hugged me. He was crying and saying sorry. His hands tightened around me to the point that it started suffocating me. I tried to break free but he wouldn’t let me. ‘What was going on?!’ my thoughts were screaming to try and make sense of the situation till I saw Em turning around. She had found what she had been looking for. She was holding a little transparent bottle of pills in her hands.

The pill looked similar to the one I took due to my mute problem, hoping that someday I could get better. But these were definitely not medicines.

“Open your mouth Michi. I will set you free from this miserable world.” Fin forcefully pushed me down on the bed and pinned me tightly while Em desperately tried to put the pills in my mouth. I struggled of course but my head started feeling heavy. No matter how much I tried I couldn’t break free. It didn’t take them long to push the pills down my throat. I choked many times but they went inside. Amidst all the ruckus I realized that I heard someone laugh.

Who was it? Ah, the couple from the balcony. They were still standing there. I envy them quite a bit now. But if I can hear them, doesn’t it mean that they can hear us too?

Oh if only I could make at least one sound. Squeal at least one squeal. Shout at least one shout. Make at least one sound.

Why did I end up like this? So helpless and useless. I was on the verge of dying again and I couldn’t even protect myself properly. No one will know what happened to me. They will probably weave some story that I overtook the wrong medicine or maybe they will dispose of this body in the river. Flashbacks of my past started clouding my mind as the present scene got covered in a dull vigilante effect that kept growing and hiding the view from my eyes. Mom. I wish I could run like you told me to. Then. Now. Dad… I wish I knew what you wanted to tell me. Was it something important? Were you apologizing?

I started slipping into unconsciousness slowly and felt the numbing grip of their hands lighten up. I was free to go now but I couldn’t move and my stomach started burning. For some reason I wanted to remember what dad said that day no matter what. It seemed so important right now.

He placed the knife in front of his own throat, looked back at me and smiled. His lips moved slowly and formed a word. A tear trickled down his cheek and entered him mouth. And just like that he put the knife in his throat.

His mouth formed a word… what he said was… yes I remember. He said “Live”

That’s right. Dad said “Live”, he asked me to live and that is what I have been doing till now. Even when people made fun of me or spread rumors even when they didn’t know a thing about me, I lived. When mom and dad abandoned me in this world alone I lived. And today won’t be any different. I will live because I want to live because I deserve to live.

With all the courage I had, I lifted my hand up to my mouth.

“It’s no use Michi. Give up and rest peacefully now.” Fin exhaled in a defeated voice. He was acting like he was the one going through a tough a time here. Well maybe he was. After all his opponent was me, and if he thought I’d go down without a fight then he was wrong. The one thing I loved more than anything else, more than Fin, more than my parents, was me. I loved myself.

It took a lot of effort but I finally got a finger inside my throat and kept pushing till the burning in my stomach started coming up. I was going to puke.

“STOP HER SHE IS GOING TO THROUGH OUT THE PILLS!” Em shouted and Fin yanked at my hand but it was too late. Earlier I had started foaming at the mouth but now I puked uncontrollably. It felt disgusting to throw up at your own face. I got up with a jolt and spewed up more on the bed and before the both of them could hold me again I overthrew the bedside lamp and other materials on the table, making a huge noise.

Em’s shouting earlier was loud to. I had made a sound. The room fell quite for a few seconds and in them we heard the couple in the balcony talk about coming to our room and checking on us.

“What do we do?” Em started panicking and held her head in her hands. We could hear the sound of approaching footsteps and the jingling of keys. There was nowhere to run for them, but I decided to run. “Right! We could tell them that she is mentally unstable!” Staying here would do me no good. Someone like me who couldn’t even cry loudly when she wanted had no chance of survival here. I had to get away from them fast. We heard the door clicked. The three of us were frozen in our place and the moment the door unlocked, I ran.

I ran with all my might. Many staff people in the way tried to stop me or calm me down but I ran. The kind of help I needed was not here. I was dumb, not dumb.

I could hear Em and Fin shouting. They were saying that I needed to be caught. But I escaped from the hotel before anyone could get to me.

I was free but not well. I understood that my legs won’t support me any longer due to the effect of the pills, I had started getting dizzy. So I decided to run as far as I can. After running quite a bit when I could not take it anymore I spotted an old house. This was not the time to debate on whether I should go there or not so I just made my way through the entrance. There was just a wobbly metal gate with no locks. I opened it and entered the premises. The house was just a few steps away. I started walking but I suddenly got weak-kneed and fell down.

The last thing I remember was seeing a bunch of Asters in bloom. I am free.