It started on the days of Durga puja back in 2013, when I realized that my heart could beat like that without running anywhere.  My first ever crush I could never forget those days I have to agree that those days were really best days of my life. Without wasting any time I should tell you how heart heart flattering my first crush was. I can vividly remember that on Oshtami I saw this guy in front of the puja mandap, he was wearing a white shirt and for me  he looked so mind boggling that my heart almost came out of my rib cage. I don’t know what kind of love spell was that but I never felt anything like that before. Though I did not live that long also in the world, like I if I count then I lived around 13 or 14 year  in this earth so it was impossible to know such feeling . Anyway, when I saw this guy I wasn’t alone my cousin elder sister was there with me and she kinda liked him too. That year’s puja became so exciting after Oshtami , as Bollywood have shown us that someone plays violin after falling in love but in my case in my background  full orchestra was going on. I went to puja mandap thrice a day minimum, we even code named  him and that was ” angry young man”. 

As days were passing I was so much in love with just a glance of his. But I never imagined the scenario of dating in such young age. When you are in your initial years of your teenage you don’t really want anything from someone you just want to stare at your crush without them knowing to be  honest. As Durgapuja ended so did my crush. But I didn’t loose any hope for finding love. One fine evening my friend came at my place with his cousin brother. As he was her cousin I was not really interested in him. After that evening walk I got a friend request on Facebook and that was him. He was cute he found me cute and that was very overwhelming for me. Soon we started talking he used to flirt with me and my job was to reciprocate with him. He was a great singer and he knew how to play a guitar , I mean can you see how many qualities he has. He was just the perfect definition of first boyfriend ever. In the time of December he proposed to me and I said yes though behind that yes there was one song which he dedicated to me which was the main reason I feel now. After I said yes I was so scared of the fact that I have a boyfriend that I couldn’t digest it. My elder brother was really scary in terms of me dating scenario. After one week of me getting scared I broke up with him because I couldn’t deal with the anxiety . He was six years older than me and he didn’t really shows any botheration after I broke up maybe that is the reason why he is so important and not important person at the same time. I was really relieved that I don’t have a boyfriend phase because that fact didn’t make me imagine my brother to catch me red hand in anything. Soon that faded out and I made a friend who was my friend’s friend. At first we really used to fight a lot but then those fights turned into long deep conversations. I used to go to Tuitions a he used to come and meet me . We used to walk, talk share tiny little secrets with each other. And that feeling was different from all the crushes I have had. He proposed to me and I said yes and I was really happy and so was he. But he wanted more his love was more so he used to always see future of us which was very cute we even dedicated a song to each other because it reminded of us and that song was “ They don’t know about us by one direction “ But after two months I broke up with him on his birthday and gave a reason that just because he smokes that is why I don’t want to stay with you.  I was so immature and so scared of committing to someone.  For me if I am committing to someone then it just means I will never leave him and I never felt that with him I never felt that kind of love which he felt or at least which he portrayed.  I didn’t realise anything that time I didn’t suffer but he did