Today’s world is full of competition. Living in this world means that you have to earn or become famous. No one pays heed to the essence that even living is an art. Dream doesn’t meant the former two but it can be different than that. This story circles around a girl whose dreams are not big and due to her disease she has cease to change her routines and how she has define her life as worthy as others. 

Lastly I was enrolled. My last two months, before the exam, which I have spent burning the mid night oil has bore fruit. The cut-off was past my grades and I was happy to get in for my further studies. When I left home to Delhi, I was not as happy as I thought I would be. Separations are more difficult than love. After a list of instructions given by my mother, I touched her feet and saw everybody, smiled and said “goodbye”. My mother just turned her face as my vehicle move towards railway station. I know she doesn’t want me to see her crying.  I know that it’s the cost everyone pays when you love someone. I was not alone. I was carrying with me aspirations of childhood dreams and also a desire to make my mother happy by achieving what she dreamed for me. After boarding the train, it take me 20 hours to reach Delhi. I already have rented an accommodation for me. So I reached and took the key from the landlord and opened the room and settled all my things. It was Saturday night and the day was the worst day as I cried more and more as I missed my family.

There were times when I thought that I would return back to home but I know it was not possible. I fell asleep at 3am, maybe, and wake up at 9 am.  The morning was rush free and I missed a lot the days when my mother comes yelling at me that I would be late for school and I just pray to God that to send my mother to school then she will no our problems. She already knows. But she knows why it’s necessary for me to go. It was for her that I was here. On Sunday I became a explorer and explore the whole area which was connected to my street.  I talked to mother and tell her that I am quite good here and tell her the whole story of how I spend the night. Though I escaped the cried part. This was the first time that I don’t want my mother to hang up. But I thought I should show her that I am enjoying here and create an assumption that nothing has changed for me, so I myself told her that I have to prepare my bag for my first day in college. As the phone was cut, everything was changed. My bag was packed already so I ate and as I have no one to talk on so I opened my cell phone and read some messages, replied and fell to sleep.

The next day was a bright day at least for me and for those who were going to be my class mates. I approached at 9:30 sharp in morning in college and was standing in front of  the noticeboard, searching my course room number.  And so I find it in bold letters History Honours with room number and the subject teachers.  After that I hurried towards the room asking the people I met in the way.  When I reached the room, there were already some of my future friends(may be), I smiled and entered, though this was I can do when everyone was watching me and when I can hear the pump of my heart. I sat at the corner bench and started seeing my phone to make others feel that I am busy. I was too shy to talk to them while others were busy in elaborating their hometowns and the adventure of getting admissions here.  I opened one game in my phone and started playing and I was till not disturbed when I felt that someone has filled the desk before me. Another incident of an increase of pumping in my heart and for we small town boys it was obvious when we see an opposite gender around us and when the number is two. My front bench was occupied by two girls and they seemed quite happy or I would say away from nervousness.

You face no difficulties when you have the same what others have but when someone seems quite close to ‘different’ then the small things become big, they seemed quite comfortable.  I asked to myself if I should talk to them or not, one salient feature my shyness was still stopping me.  I was  embroiled in myself  and suddenly one girl in my front-left turned and said, “Hello, My name is Nisha. And yours”.  I was quivering but replied ,”Manan. Nice to meet you”. It was not the first time I quivered but I considered it a ‘trait of being gentle’.  She, then, introduced me to another girl in my right,” She is Ritu and she’s little shy”. I said , “Hello”. She turned smiled and replied the same and then again turned to her former posture.  Nisha said to me,” She’s like this only. Less user of mouth”. We laughed. Following her , I thought that if mother would have been here I would have shown her that I am not the only one here who is shy but there are people who are more better than me. I took a sigh of proudness and the teacher entered the class. We welcome him and  he introduced himself and then asked about our self one by one.

After the class was over, I packed my bag and as I was leaving, Nisha called me up and said,” Wait for us.  We are coming, why you in a hurry”. I was because I have never been surrounded by strangers, a feeling that I felt during my first days in school.  But it was little more terrible as I was more conscious to it than my past one.  Some time consciousness seems bothering. I smiled and said,” Please I am here waiting for you”.  We, all three of us took a round of college and sat in the lawn and started introducing more of us, basically our hobbies and other things which I thought I should tell them.

After me , Nisha told about herself and her dream of being a writer and why she want to do so and for whom. I appreciated her, less in front but more from inside.  Such girls are difficult to find, who chase their dreams.  Dreams which more occur in sleep and less in real world.

It was now the turn of ritu. I found her quite attractive but seeing her quiet and serious, I was afraid that she does like boys or not. Before she spoke, I said to nisha,” Hey, Don’t you think we are here for some reason.

Some reason which we have to find and then finish it”. I thought this statement was little philosophical one and will definitely attract ritu. “For you it can be because you get the time for it,  don’t you?”, assailed ritu.  I was shocked and I never expected such things especially from a girl though. She left the discussion and Nisha followed her and I asked nisha if I have done something wrong.  Nisha said,” Don’t worry we will meet tomorrow, Goodbye”. I just saw both of them leaving and was still unable to find the situation which turned on me. “Nice start”, I said to myself.  I returned home but my mind was still there, figuring out her words. The cause of it was still surrounding me in  dilemma. Next day, I was late so when I reached the class was already started so I got the last seat, away from them. I saw them and there was Nisha who smiled and so do I. I started disliking ritu for her behaviour and I was away from the clue why she was doing so.

We get a break after the class so I thought to eat something in college canteen.  So I stand-up and suddenly nisha came,” Hey are you fine”. “ I am always”, replied I.  “You still angry for tomorrow’s incident”, said she.  “You don’t know the real….”, said Nisha and suddenly stopped seeing that ritu was coming. Ritu came and said,” Sorry” and then return to her seat. I turned to Nisha and asked,” Is this the way girls say sorry”.  Nisha said,” I can’t say but for ritu everyway is her last way and has no time to survive”. I said,” I don’t get it”. She said,” We want things we don’t have but when we get that thing, its no longer important to us”. “Everyone want to know when they are going to die but never thought that what if they really know it. My friend is suffering from a chronic disease which is not curable, and so she has very less time or she knows the time of her death”.

I saw ritu busy with her phone. Months passed and we have our internals.  Everyone was busy preparing but what make me think everyone was Ritu behaviour in preparation as she was really hardworking on her internals. I don’t understand why she is doing things which is not going to help her in future, a future which has known its ends. We gave our internals and when results were out she topped and I followed her.  I called mother that I came second but my mother was not satisfied, she wanted me to top, an instinct that mothers have where she wanted her children to be better than everyone but forgets that he’s your son not a machine fulfilling wishes.

I smiled and told her that next time I will. I know I could have topped but a continuous thought of ritu was making me insane. I thought I should ask her. Next day I reached little earlier in class and I saw them sitting in back bench both ritu and Nisha. I go near to them and said,” I have a question in my mind, can I ask…”. Nisha said in between,” Yes you can”. I said that the question is for ritu. Ritu turned to me and said,” What you want, say”. I replied,” You know that why we are in college”. She replied ,” Yes I know. For further studies, which will help in our future”. “ For future… You are saying that thing for future, who herself doesn’t know that she is going to die soon, are you out of your mind and you don’t know that this ‘further studies’ are not going to help you. There is no future for you”. I realized that I spoke what I shouldn’t. Ritu saw me with her eyes red and without a reply she took her bag and left the class and Nisha followed her, “You are a fool”.

I thought that I should say sorry to her. Sometimes emotions controlled you and you say what it makes you. Even good things are good only when they are controlled. I also left the class  and went searching for them. After half an hour I found in the college ground at the corner. As I came near to them, Nisha stood up and said that I should leave right now or something bad will happen. I said,” sorry, I don’t know what make me say such things in spite knowing the trouble in which you are”. Nisha said,” Go from here, get lost”. I paid no heed to her and carried on my contrition for the mistake I have done. “ You want to know why still I am doing things like these for my future which I know, cease to exist”, said Ritu.  I just nodded. “ It’s because I don’t want to be different than others. I don’t want to feel that my life scale is small than others. I, like other, want to make future plans. I don’t want to waste time on things that I cannot change”. Ritu eyes were full of tears but still unsuccessful in hiding it, she continued, “ I want to live a normal life. I want to enjoy in myself only. I don’t make too much  friends as I don’t want to make them feel missing me when I will be not here”.

Nisha hugged her and it seems that she was thanking ritu and might be saying that she will always be with her. She left me again, engaged in my own thoughts.

As days passed, I saw ritu rarely in classes, her health was also deteriorating. When preparation leave started all were busy for the semester. I also got engaged and nearly forget about it. Exams started and then ended, then college were closed for winter vacations. I got news from college website that result will be announced little late.  With the new year, the college reopened and we were again back with same schedules. There was slight change that I noticed after a week that ritu and Nisha were not present.  Later I found that they haven’t given exams, both of them. I tried to call nisha and after a while she answered.  I took a breath and asked her why she was not coming. She said, “ I have taken transfer from college”. I said,” Why ? I was surprised”. She replied,” Ritu is no more and I was there just because of her”.  I was shocked and my mouth choked, my eyes refusing to shed tears. She continued,” It’s not necessary that dreaming involves becoming rich or earning fame but it also means just living…you understand it and that’s what my friend wanted to”. She hanged up and I cried. ‘Just living’ , I thought. She really was special, a girl that accepted the reality but never altered her plans that is what most of us do.  Suddenly my phone rang and it was mother calling me, I pressed the answer button and said that I came first.