What do you do in your free time, Rishi?’ I asked to Rishi, the Rockstar from our college band.

‘I hold mosquitoes and flies..’ Rishi began in his alcoholic voice when my blown air exhaust cut him off, (i mean our so called “social networking laugh”, which has a minor life  with a single stroke.)

‘No, man seriously imagine this, I try to hold a fly or a mosquito whichever bothers me and then after some seconds if I find that it’s injured then I feel guilty and I kill it neatly, wash my hands and bury the dead body somewhere.

Again that stroke shows up but suddenly disappeared as I found this guy is serious. I managed my embarrassed facial expressions and moved to another question.

So, Rishi you’re a famous young personality in college and in city because of your band performances, but apart from that  singer personality, ‘Who are you actually?’, I hope you get my question.

He stared at the ground for a moment and said, “No..No..I totally understand, look I’m a talkative kind of person, but I used to be an introvert and the I became the lead singer of our band, he giggled.

‘And what about the relationship, Are you in a relationship right now?’ i fired

He seem little puzzled so I offered him that I can shut down this recorder and keep it off the record completely if you want me to, but he denied.

I’m not in a relationship, Ahh it’s kind of complicated you know.

I smelled he didn’t want to give details and moved to the next question.

‘What’s your father..’

‘There’s a girl man, She’s good but you know I’m not much into commitment right now”, he interrupted

‘Ahumm..’ I nodded

‘She’s beautiful and wild and we had sex last week.’, he said

‘Oh, I should turn off the recorder now.’, I said as I heard him

‘No, it’s ok dude, I know you, you’re not a T.V reporter, you’re just an intern who wants to interview me.’, he said

(That’s kind of insulting I talked to my head.)

‘OK, go on then.’, i said

‘It was my last gig, a concert, she was there with her friends, we met earlier at mutual friend’s party but back then it was a normal talk as I had no guts to tell her about her beauty, so I used my pickups lines after the concert.’

‘What was that?’ i interrupted

‘It was kind of a poetry I wrote for her.’ he said

What were the lyrics?’ I asked curiously

‘Ha ha, You’re making this conversation boring by asking this question.’, he said and chuckled

‘No no I like poetries.’ i said

अक्सर नींद से पहले,

आँखों को आपकी तस्वीर चाहिए,


जिनमें बीएस आप ही आप हो,

हमे ऐसी तकदीर चाहिए,


हो रास्ता चाहे जो भी हो,

मंज़िल पर मूरत आपकी, इस बीएस मंदिर चाहिए.” he reminisced his moment

‘Waah.Waah, Kya baat…and then?’ I asked

‘And then one thing lead to another and you know I told you the rest.’ he said

I agreed to that and asked another question.

‘Was that your first time?’ i asked

‘Umm.hmm.’ he replied positively (but I can tell he lied on that one, well I’m optimistic at least he shared his personal thing with me.) but now I’m curious about that girl, where’s she from, which college, but I pinned the bubble over my head, it’s none of my business, I’m not a T.V reporter yet, I’m just an InternShit dude who’s seeking a promotion as a head journalist with this interview.

‘Thanks a lot Rishi for your time, this will help me.’ i said

A hand shake and a quick hug ended our talk. I walked him to the exit of our college’s canteen. It was so called “Working Saturday.” He was at college for his some attendance issues which he later resolved as his father is a good friend of our director and I was here at college 20 Km away just for this Interview which I’ve to submit with the hope.

Hello, I’m Abhishek Goswami, Abhi the asshole writer, who wants to be a journalist someday, currently pursuing Mechanical Engineering. As you already know me I’m a good boy, that asshole I just used is for the rhyming purpose, Ignore.



I was busy with my assignments and stuff so I ignored, she didn’t respond.

‘Don’t order me from next time, tell your mummy to make a tea for your after all you are her favorite son.” she said and gave me my superman cup after 10 minutes, I yelled

‘You know I love you, sister.’, I tried to butter her


She seated and mocked about my assignments.


She seated with me that means she wants to talk about something important.

I stopped my pen and made an eye contact which she was seeking from the moment she entered my room.

‘Mom shouting about Marriageshit?’ i asked

she denied.

‘Want to go on a vacation?’ I asked again

She denied.

‘You get failed in your last semester! Mom’s going to kill you.’ i shouted

‘Shut up, Stupid.’ she yelled on me


My phone rang. Wiggle..Wiggle..Wiggle..

It was Anuj, he’s my buddy we became friends in college because of our name’s first letter. Abhi, Anuj. You know. My role number has 13 at the end and he has 14.


I picked up the call, the voice on the other side was unknown.

I asked, Who’s this?

The question came in a hurry, ‘Are you Abhi, Anuj’s friend?’

Yes, but Who’s this? I asked again

Raj: I’m Raj, Anuj caught up in an accident. I’m taking him to the hospital.


Me: Fuck.(i couldn’t find any proper word.) Is he ok? Is he hurt? (It was stupid of me to ask this kind of questions, but I was scared.)


Raj: he told me to call you and not to his parents.


Me: What the hell? Which Hospital?


Raj: City Hospital, Near the lake.


Me: Ok, Tell him, I’m coming.


(I ended the call, grabbed my jacket and keys, told my sister to hold on for a while, I’ll be back, Anuj caught up in an accident and I disappeared.



At Hospital, I was in a chair nearby him. That beeping machine was so irritating, and I was lost in our stupid past scenes where he was telling me to drive slow because, “Bro, I want to be a married man someday, not a dead man.” What the fuck was that? I yelled to my inner me and stopped imagining shitty things.

I went out for some water and found that young man, Raj, looked like exhausted bank employee who helped Anuj and called me. I thanked him and hugged him which I never do. Some shitty tears rolled down to my chicks and he promised, Anuj will be all right. He left after a calm conversation. I walked out with him, he left and I returned with the bottle of water. Just on the other side of the corridor, 45 aged woman was crying on her husband’s shoulder. They were Anuj’s uncle and aunty. Vikram uncle and Annu aunty. I called them to inform while reaching to the hospital. She was crying because she already saw him on the bed with so many equipment around. I offered her some water which she denied. Uncle asked me every detail, I explained everything. I suggested them not to call his parents. They denied at first but I managed to calm them down and told that ‘We will inform them once he’s out of danger.’


Anuj, 5’8″ tall with the bleached smile with dimples at the ends. We became best friends in college. We used to exchange jeans, shoes, food, books, and even our boxer shorts sometimes. He is from a wealthy family. He’s father is a doctor in NY and Mother is a lecturer at NY University. They fell in love when they were studying together and then get married and Anuj came to this world. It was very difficult to manage a life with a child in NY so they decided and sent him here to his uncle’s. Uncle and aunty are very sweet to him. They don’t have any child but they treat Anuj as their child. His uncle is a decent man, working in a small scale company and aunty is the house wife. They may not make that much money like his parents but Anuj loved them.




I need to change my ringtone, I yelled in my head and left that frustrated beeping room. My dad was on the other side. It was almost dinner time. I said, I’ll come late at night and tried to inform the situation here but he interrupted me in the middle.

Dad was shaking. His voice was very soft.


Dad: Beta, Just come home.

Me: But, I’m…

He interrupted which he usually don’t.

Dad: Come home, It’s urgent.

Me: What happened? OK, I’m Coming.


I met Vikram uncle, I informed him that I’ll be back soon. Call me if you need anything and gave my number; I left.


On the way back home my mind was flying at the speed of light. All the chaos and those shitty thoughts were killing me.


I was riding my bike slow on the economy just because I wanted to slow down my life a little. It was too much for me. I reach somewhere near my home, but I observed weird staring behavior from some known people, they were staring like I was some criminal visiting them to kill everybody. Dumbfucks I yelled in my head and reached my home.


The group of people were on our front door, surrounded my home like it was a crime sense. I’m worried now, somebody was crying very loudly, my mom I found and saw my sister’s dead body on the floor. I couldn’t believe, what I just saw! I was frozen, paralyzed, fucked as hell by, what I just witnessed? I saw my dad in a corner crying standing with two other men holding him. I chocked, wasn’t able to utter a single word. I remember mumbling her name slowly.

Two Weeks Later.
She committed suicide, She was pregnant, Her wrist was bleeding.

I was crying alone in the dark corner of my room. I read the suicide note over and over again. I was daydreaming her smile and our childhood memories. But she could have shared this to me, we were like best friends. This wasn’t the only out of it. I cried. I read it again.

Dear Ma and Papa,

I am not your good girl anymore. I did a horrible thing without thinking about any consequences. I am pregnant. It was my mistake which I’m regretting now. I know you both will never forgive me so I better let myself go away from you and will never come back, I promise.

Abhi, Please forgive me. I love you.


Long gone Hiya.

She was very afraid of mom and dad. But she could have just said to me once, I wasn’t going to leave her alone. I gave up on my thoughts and tried to sleep but tears never allowed me. She used to tell me, “Listen to Music, Whenever you feel sad, angry or unhappy. Music heals your soul.” I plugged in my headphones to my phone and turned the shuffle mode on, it was 02:21 a.m. The passenger was singing the song called, “Let her Go.” I explored many things about her with those lyrics.

            “well you only need the light, when it’s burning low,

            only miss the sun, when it starts to snow,

            only know you love her, when you let go..”

Song was made for a strong bond. I cried for those whole 4 minutes and 15 seconds. I waited for the next song. It was a recording, Hiya was there, I was stunned, I get up and listen carefully. Her voice, I listened with my closed eyes.


“Abhi, I am recording this only for you so that you don’t hate me for your whole life. Don’t tell to ma-papa about this. What I’m going to tell you is the secret of my life. That secret which I’m not capable of living with and I’m quitting my life. I’m four-week pregnant. it was very immature of me. Please believe me, I’m regretting a lot but now there’s only way out for me. He’s not answering my calls. His name is Rishikesh. He’s from our college. He’s Junior may be in your year. He’s in the band. I attended one of his concerts and this happened. I tried to call him but he’s out of reach. I asked to some of his friends, they told me he left the college and went to the USA for his Music career there. He never tried to contact me since then. Abhi, I don’t have a choice, brother. Please try to forgive your stupid, immature sister.”

*recording ended*

I knew everything but I knew nothing. The question that I was afraid to ask him that day could have saved my sister’s life. That shit head fucked face Rishi could have told me her name that day. I cried all night listening to that recording with the regret on my chest.


Six Month Later.


Her death changed everything. Anuj passed away last month. He couldn’t survive. Deep down I was weak as a piss, I knew but I held myself strong preventing from falling apart. I rarely talked to anyone at college. I shaved my head every week from last 6 months. I was not interested in any social events. I got my Bachelors’ Degree. And then I decided to study further in Journalism abroad. I took the permission, Mom denied at first but she agreed at last. I applied to several universities and from my little experience of ‘Intenshit’ I managed to get an admission at decent university in the USA.


It’s hard for mom and dad, but I knew I couldn’t stand there with all the pain. On the day of my flight, I promised mom that I’ll be back soon. Till then please take care of both of you.


I left.



Four Years Later.

    After 3 years of my study, I got the job in a reputed news channel in the USA. Which turns out a bad deal for me but I was pushing myself to earn good money.


A call from home made me move back. Mom told me to come home, She said, “Last week your father had a heart attack.” I booked the next flight and flew back home. He was good now. He told me, ‘Why you bothered to come, son, I’m just fine. This pain is nothing for me.’ i knew what he meant but I smiled and told him, ‘I’m here with you both forever now.’


I was seeking a job and got lucky one day. It was a national news channel. They gave me a talk show but not kind of funny one. It was about their life, their ups, and downs, their secrets, their bitter truths, etc. And by their, I mean, “Those Famous Personalities.” Actors, Cricketers, Businessmen, Singers, all of them. It was fun for me and for viewers, but “those people” were afraid of me and my questions. That is why The Show was a hit.


I remember the day of 31st October 2014. One of our producers suggested this guy’s name and the name was, guess what ?, “Rishi The Rockboy.”


I agreed and all the refreshments came along with the quote, “Karma Is A Bitch.”


I researched about him and it was quite easy because he was on the list of famous singers in the country. He looked good, he sung well, he had his own band, and girls were crazy about him. But he is quite less famous compared to his affairs in the industries. And that is what producers need, controversy with my questions.


Just before the week of the show , I got a call at my office from Rishi. He wanted to talk in an informal way, and I sensed it as a reporter but I didn’t. He told me that he remember me from our ‘Internshit Interview’. I kept the conversation in a formal way, which is now a normal thing to me. He was afraid of my harsh and sharp behavior, he was afraid of my questions more. He suggested me to keep it simple and soft as possible. And I replied to him, ‘Don’t worry, It’s just a normal Interview, just like our previous one.’



A Week Later.

‘And finally, we’re here with your favorite singer, Rishi.’ I talked to the camera

‘So, Rishi welcome to our show.’
He smiled and thanked like a disciplined child.

I turned to Rishi and fired the first round with my words.


‘Rishi, You’re very famous among the girls specifically, Why’s that? Is there a particular reason? Because lots of young men are waiting for your tips on this.’


He blushed like a baby girl and replied, ‘I think they like my smile.’


‘Oh, you think you’re not a singer then?’ I asked


‘No..No..I’m not saying that..’ he wasn’t aware it was coming in this way.


Did he really think that I’ll make this simple and soft for him?, I giggle in my head.


‘It’s ok, It’s ok, Let’s move further’, I interrupted his mumbling confusion.


‘So, Rishi, Are you in a relationship with anyone right now?’ I asked just like a lawyer


‘Ahuum, Can I pass on that one? Can we put my private space away from this conversation, please? he replied


‘Okay, Sure. Not a problem.’


‘Ohh, I remember our last interview, Can we discuss that ?’ i asked


‘Yes, Of course.’ he replied with hope for something good


‘Can we have the audio clip please?’ i requested


A voice from young me and young him hit the ground on the National T.V Channel.


People were listening to our college interview while watching his facial expressions.


He whispered to me,’ Please stop this fucking audio clip.’


‘I smiled, there’s a mic on your collar, people can hear you, sir, please behave well with your words.’ I suggested him in a bitchy way.


He survived through the ending of the clip.


‘I will not ask any question regarding your personal space, It was just the memory from our college days, Let’s move ahead.’


A Picture showed up in front of us on the screen, Picture of Hiya, My Sister.


I managed myself and asked, ‘Do you know her?’


He was frozen, and kept staring at her.


I repeated myself,’ Rishi, do you know this girl?’


He just said something but he wasn’t clear, I asked him to repeat again.


‘She’s the girl that I was talking about in audio clip.’


‘A girl! , Girl had a name? ‘


‘I don’t remember her name.’


‘But how do you know about her and me ?’ he asked me


‘This is my show, Rishi, Please save some questions for me, You’ll get a clear vision of yourself at last.’


‘Did you tried to contact her after everything?’


‘No, I don’t think so, we never met after that.’


‘Did she tried to contact you?’


‘No, I’m not aware of that.’


‘Did you use protection that night?’


‘Excuse me?’


‘Did you use Protection during sex that night?’


‘I don’t know, maybe.’ he answered


‘Oh, ya I see, You’re a famous man.’


The screen was connected to my laptop, I changed the picture.


It was a picture of her and me, It was her birthday, Dad well captured that beautiful moment.


‘Still not remembering her name?’ I turned and asked


‘Let me help you there, Hiya Goswami, the sister of Abhi Goswami, Who is here seated right in front of you.’


‘He was amused as never before and don’t know what’s exactly is happening? He was confused af.


‘I’m sor…’
‘She’s dead.’

‘She’d committed suicide.’

‘She was four-week pregnant with your child.’
‘Audio clip please?’ I requested

‘They played the clip, The Whole Country listened to her.’


I walked away and left all the things behind and never went back.